Need advice desperately

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Hello everyone, im completely new (joined like 4 min ago)
And i desperately need help with my aspergers boyfriend.
im 22 NT and hes 19
Wev known eachother since i was 13 but we didnt know eachother 'well' like,id seen him at his sisters party once or twice.
Anyway he found me on FB about 4 months ago and we talked alot, and we had alot of th same interests.
So 3 weeks ago we met up at the shops and had a good time,
Then 3 days ago we went to the waterfalls where the 'magic' started.
He would hold me in his arms, and we would walk hand in hand and then he said he has feelings for me and asked whether i wanted to be his girl.
I thought it was very fast but i felt so happy and comfortable so i said yes.
He changed our FB status to 'in a relationship'
And about 30 of his and my friends were congratulating us and he was saying 'im a LUCKY boy, im soooo blessed and happy'

we would chat alot and he would do lots of love hearts ect and we were both sooo happy.

Anyway, yesterday he came to my place and we carved our initials into a tree and stood there hugging, and we layed down together on a rug and he said to me "when u say u love me,is it love or just really like?"
And i said "well what is it with you?" and he said "i dont know iff it is full love yet but i like u enough to do this.." and he kissed my head so gently a few times.
Then we went to a play at our old school and he introduced me to his friend but he seemed a bit distant, when we sat down to th play we were holding hands and he was gently rubbing his finger on mine.

But when it was over and we walked bak to the car it went downhill (
He said 'i think we have gone too fast' and i was driving and he was really upset and i kept saying "its ok i understand" then i started to cry and thats when he lost it and started to cry and say "oh god how could i do this, my FIRST girlfriend, ect"
When we got to his place we cried in eachothers arms and i said "does this mean we are breaking up?" and he said through his tears "no i just need time to think"
I said "have I done anything wrong?" and he said "no way"
Then when he got out of th car he said "please do me a favour and drive carefully"
Then he walked off crying with his hand on his forehead.

I was bawling my eyes out on the way home.

He hasnt texted or facebooked me since. He isnt even 'online' which he usually is.
I have read up about aspergers and understand that he is overwhelmed but i
Would like to know what your opinion is on this.
I txt him 1 hour ago saying "i hope you are ok miss u"
And i will leave it at that.
What do u think all this means?
I miss him soooo much

Hey mate! I don't know how helpful I can be as I am 30 so a bit older than your boyfriend but I do the same thing with friends that either tell me to back off a bit, or just start acting like they they don't consider me a close friend anymore. It's just a defense thing, as people get turned off us so often that when you told him to back it up a bit that's probably all he heard and you all of a sudden, in his eyes become just like everyone else. Don't give-up on him! As people with AS are well worth having in your life. Maybe show him that you have tried to get advice, that would work for me. Hope I helped good luck

Yea, its just sooo hard, i actually didnt tell him to back off about anything, he just started to get overwhelmed i think
I Texted him just saying 'i hope u r ok, i miss you'
And he hasnt replied,. Should i take it personally? Or does he just need time?
And im not really sure if all th texts he sent to me were 'genuine' like 'you are my butterfly, your the only one for me ect'
Cos he texted me saying a girl at his tafe always calles him babe and now that we r dating she called him babe and he felt awkward inside and told her to stop calling him babe.
Does he really like me? Or did he just want to show off?
I deff wont give up on him as i am sooo attached to him but i just need some reassurance cos this hurts bigtime

It's just his way of being in control of the situation and protecting himself from rejection. He's the one that moved too fast, not you. Just remember that. He sounds like he cares about you a lot, though, and if you feel the same don't give up yet

Just ask how he is and if he wants to meet at such and such place and act as if nothing happened. I think the more you act as if something happened (as much as it has and it hurts) it will overwhelm him.

Unfortunately this is his first time, he doesn't know how to do this correctly, and he's in a little bubble where everything has to go to a script (a nice way of saying "his way only") else it all falls to pieces for him. I hope that and the first paragraph explains his actions, speaking from experience. It's no one's fault here, least of all yours. Good luck with him

Sorry, I misunderstood you when I read it the first time

I have aspergers. One of the hardest things for me is sorting out and understanding my own feelings and emotions. At times it is very hard and overwelmimg. There is also a feeling of loss of control which people with aspergers do not like so that makes the emotions and feelings worse. I do not like the unknown. Many times I prefer to "run away" from the emotions and feelings because it is too overwelming to deal with. My guess is maybe that is what your boyfreind is doing right now. I don't think you did anything wrong, he is trying to sort himself out.

The fact is too that he will need to rearrange his life to fit a girlfriend in. It is not a bad thing, it is just a change. I think he wants to make the accomidation but there are a lot of feelings and emotions and parts of his life that will need to be adjusted. Change is not easy no matter if you want it or if it is forced on you, it means leaving the comfort that you know and ventureing into the unknown.

I hope it all works out good for you guys.

I read your post and I do not even understand what happened. It sounds like you guys are really emotional and change your mind at the flip of a coin. I would never do that to anyone.

But there have been lots of posts saying that somebody's aspie boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't say anything to him/her anymore. That also happened to me once. I am beginning to see why a lot of people think that aspies are bad partners.

I expect what happened was that on the one hand he was longing for the intimacy of a romantic relationship with you, but on the other hand he couldn't deal with it when he actually had it. Aspies are like that. We get awfully lonely and wish we had friends/ a boyfriend/ girlfriend, but then when we actually do find someone, we become very restless and overwhelmed from being in their company, and need to run away. It becomes too much.

It's not that you've done anything wrong; you probably haven't. It's just that Aspies need lots and lots of space. At the same time, we are very intense and obsessive with relationships, and we wear ourselves out and make ourselves need to run away. I am sure he is probably missing you, too. Just give him lots of time and space and do not contact him. Just leave him alone and don't pester him, and perhaps he will contact you again one he's recovered from feeling all overwhelmed.

Ok cool, i reeaaallly like/love him,
And my mum said that from her view he ADORES me!
So i will let him have some space to sort everything out or at least SOME things out to a point that he can manage.
He does tafe 4 days a week and also drumming lessons so i can understand how difficult this is for him.
When i see him next, i will ask if it would be esier for him if we were just friend, and if he says 'no' then we can talk about how to make things esier for him.

Thats ok

He txt me today saying 'good morning'
No xxx or ooo or love hearts but is that a good sign that he txt me?

It is an excellent sign. Now take a deep breathe. He is back to being more comfortable with communication with you after very emotional time and confession which might have been difficult for him if it was out of his comfort zone.

Thats awesome, i asked if he was alright and he said 'yea im ok' and i said 'thats good to hear' and left it at that. now i will let him take his time

Advice in here is golden. He obviously likes you a lot. You like him. He just seems to have gotten overwhelmed

Give him time and he will come around.

I wish you two the best

This is great. I agree with nebrets.
I wish there were more people like you Reptilegal that can see past a few things that seem odd to you and realize there is a great caring person behind the odd behaviors.
I wish you guys the best.

THESE ARE OUR MOST RECENT TXTS,WE HAD SOMETHING PLANNED 3 DAYS BEFORE THE HICCUP, WHAT DO U THINK HE MEANS BY HIS TXT? A GOOD OR BAD THING?

ME: would u still like to come to the aquatic centre tommorow or would u prefer to leave it go? I will understand if u dont want to go x

HIM: narr i dont want to go sorry, and before we planned this week i realised i had bible study on sorry

ME: thats ok

HIM: is there a time we can talk?

ME: yea, i wont go to the aquatic centre either so do u want to meet up tommorow or would u prefer to talk on th phone?

HIM: no, u go tommorow have a good time

ME: if there is something u need to say or talk about please do it coss im worried,
I miss u and i want to know how u feel about this relationship

HIM: i dont no i need time to think

ME: Ok, thats fine, i just hope u still 'like' me at least, and if there is anything i can do to make things easier, let me know. Xx

HIM: KK thanks

ME: have a good time at bible study

AND THAT WAS OUR LAST TXTS SO FAR, WHEN HE SAYS CAN WE TALK,IM UPSET COS DOESNT THAT USUALLY MEAN A BAD THING?? ((