Missed opportunity?

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I just had a hairstyle about an hour ago by a wonderful woman who massaged my scalp and neck far longer than necessary and the conversation was very pleasant... heck, I found myself very, very attracted to her (we shared some common thought processes, opinions on things, lifestyle choices, etc.)

From the comments in L&D, I figured ladies like that get hit on all the time and would deeply resent me if I did as well, so I didn't ask her out or overly compliment beyond the wonderful job she did. I did slip in a comment to one of her coworkers later that I thought highly of her and would've asked her out or something.

Overall, a very positive experience for me but I feel like I missed out on a real opportunity by not "striking while the iron was hot"...

You know... she went out of her way to write her name on a business card... I wonder if she's hinting? Dang... wish I'd just casually asked her to coffee but I didn't want to sour such a positive experience - the gals on here kept saying the best response to any advance it to insult him and tell him to f$%k off. I really didn't want to hear that...

Considering our conversation, it's very tempting to go back to the salon despite what the WP gals say and make that friendly, casual coffee invite - especially if I have good news to share. I just hope the opportunity hasn't come and gone...

[EDIT:] Came back to the original post to make the disclaimer that whether this was a missed opportunity or not, it's 99% on me, only 1% insecurity brought on by a few WP members suggesting women do horrible things to any man who approaches them.

Last edited by BlueMax on 05 Nov 2012, 1:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

She might have wrote her name to make sure she gets repeat business. You dropped the hint to her coworkers so it's already gotten to her. If you know her name now just give her a call.

Go for it, ASAP. What have you got to lose?

lets be honest. many of the lnd ladies complain about men chatting them p 24/7 (wether thats true or not is irrelevant), but if it wasnt for that theyd then complain that they dont get attention. Ive come to understand that its better to not miss an oportunity. Its better to be rejected and move on than it is to keep wondering if there was something missed.

Why do I think this is a better path? because at the end of the day worst case scenario is the same for both. You end up still with nothing. Best case are far different.

You also need to consider most women here are also aspies and may not like talking to strangers at all, hence their negativity towards having men talk to them. NTs may be more willing to give you a chance to talk

Well, it'll be a lot harder to walk in tomorrow and get past the girl at the front desk in order to invite her for coffee... I might almost be better off waiting a couple weeks and asking for another pricey haircut... it'd be worth it!

This time without the words from WP echoing in my head... "She's going to hate you for approaching her... she's going to tell you to f#%k off like I would... she's going to humiliate you for daring to ask..."

Patterns of exposure are how relationships tend to begin and flourish. Granted, the plural of "anecdote" isn't "data," but still...

Bolded parts:
Exactly.
Just take the chance if you get a really good feeling about it.
Most women can tell the difference between somone who has genuine intentions and someone who doesn't (at least most NT women can).
And you don't seem like the type to hit on a woman in the way that many women here complain about..... you seem more respectful and straightforward than that. (I'm assuming that you're not the same type of guy that you complain about )

Most women here are aspies, and even when a guy I like hits on me, I am still uncomfortable with that. Talking to strangers or having randoms hitting on me is not my idea of fun.
But that's not true for all women, many of them enjoy being hit on - especially by someone they feel they share a connection or chemistry with, or a good conversation.

At the end of the day: you don't know her, you just know you enjoyed a good conversation. So there is nothing to be lost by finding out.

Last edited by Kjas on 05 Nov 2012, 12:12 am, edited 1 time in total.

I'm not sure what kind of salon you go to, but is "getting past" the girl at the front desk really that much of an issue?
Anyway, I'd take any advice given here with a liberal helping of salt, particularly when it's offered in response to someone other than yourself.

Go ask her out. And if she does tell you to f**k off, then all you have to do is go to someone else for a haircut. It might even be less pricey. And if she doesn't tell you to f**k off, then you got yourself a date.

I am wondering if you might be using all or nothing thinking in a situation where it's not useful.

I think you actually served yourself well by not asking her out today. Folks who have jobs that require touching strangers need interpersonal boundaries between themselves and clients. They need to keep the professional relationships clinical in order to feel comfortable performing their jobs. You did not breach the boundary in the shop and I think that's good.

Assume she wrote her name not as some hint but as a way for you to request her professionally. That's what female hair cutters do to both male & female customers. If you want to get to know her personally you will need to forge that yourself.

I have often read the advise of male members here at WP advising other men to ask women out immediately. They have an irrational fear of friend zoning. I think that advise is dead wrong. Women need more time to get know a person than those guys realize.

Go to the shop again sometime. (This isn't some race against time.) You might even consider getting served by a different stylist. After seeing and speaking with the woman you're attracted to at the shop; call her. Don't ask her out in front of the shop gang. Folks are often uncomfortable getting ask out in the workplace in front of co-workers.

Call her at the shop and ask her out to a public place.

The last time I was at the Hair Cuttery, the stylist gave me her business card with her name on it and we spoke maybe 3 sentences the whole time.

It's very hard to say if she was flirting or just giving good customer service.

Yes - very hard to say. I should've gently probed juuuust a little more. We had a conversation that got personal, more than small-talk... She made a point of coming back to the front desk to jot her name on a card.

While getting the shampoo/conditioner before my cut and she really went to town massaging my scalp & neck I said (without being creepy!) "Boy this is just so nice we could skip the cut and just stay here!" She responded with a little chuckle and said, "Hmmm... We could if you want!" We both just chuckled at that...


Maybe it was flirting - maybe not. After all, like waitresses and barmaids, their tips increase with a little flirting. I also should've figured from our conversation that she wasn't the "kick men in the nuts" type... I just couldn't get those WP voices out of my head!

Oh well - no rush. I'll get another fancy cut next month and see what happens... unless something ELSE happens in the meantime!

It'd be a bit unprofessional to flirt with customers IMO, in a genuine romantic interest sense that is. Methinks she was just doing it to ensure repeat business, and it appears her customer loyalty grabbing tactic is working. It also would have been super unprofessional of her to react harshly to a date proposition. She still had a job in front of her to see to completion after all (your hair).

I'm also sure the ladies here are going to (rightly) NOT accept blame for this one btw.

You think it's right for girls to advise other girls to treat men like dirt for having the audacity to ask for some kind of date or even an unwanted "hello"?

Duly noted.

No it was you misunderstanding what us women were saying in the first place. If you were referring to Meem's thread from a while ago we were talking about extreme unwelcome stuff (like getting inappropriately touched).

I just find it odd that even when you successfully get within 5 feet of a woman and blow your chance, you still manage to blame it on someone else.

I thought L&D comments usually say women get hit-on/messaged a lot online, but only a small fraction of that in real life. One of the main arguments discussed on here for why OKstupid doesn't work very well(for guys).

Besides women who complain about being hit-on a lot are probably just bragging indirectly. "oh poor me, it's so annoying"

Last edited by Venger on 05 Nov 2012, 4:21 am, edited 1 time in total.