Totally lost

Post Reply New Topic

Basically; what the title says.

I'm a 17 year old teenage Aspie, having had no girlfriend as of yet. Having fallen in and out of love for the first time; I've realized I don't want to stay this way forever. Sure; forever single might be easier in an Aspie situation as there's less communication involved; but such a life is too boring to live in my opinion. Therefore; I have decided to begin the long journey.

Except,

Where the hell do I begin? >_<

I'd just go where life takes you. Don't worry too much because you will have plenty of chances considering that you are in high school/college. Work on your career and friendships and be open to dating. If you over prioritize dating, you will only find yourself disappointed or falling for someone too fast. You will meet a lot of people during your life, and you may even be interested in some of them. Don't be too afraid to ask someone out if you are interested. Asking someone to coffee is nonthreatening, and you can always date people casually. Overall, just see where life takes you, and don't worry too much about finding someone right away. That will come with time.

You probably don't want to hear this, but you shouldn't say “not yet” at the age of 17.

Suggestion: Make a list of your classmates, and put them in the categories “in a relationship”, “single” and “unknown“. I would be very surprised if the first one was larger than the second one. (If it really is, the reason is given below, at the end of point 1.)

I'm 23 and in university, and it's still like 50/50. And most people in the “single“ category have been there for at least 2 years. OK, I don't know about their previous experiences, but does it really matter?

On the other hand, I understand your observation very well from my own experience.
1. Some of those who are in a relationship attract a lot of attention by kissing in public and telling about their mates all the time in a peer discussion (I should say “bragging“), especially at your age. Those who are single simply don't have these options. People just don't tell that they're single unless you explicitly or implicitly ask them.
2. Most people who have a proper social life don't feel so desperate about being single (until a certain age). So while looking for a girlfriend, try to improve your social life at the same time.

I'm 20 right now and I felt exactly how you felt when I was 15.

I think it's right that putting too much emphasis in dating will leave you disappointed. The best way to get girls is to improve your social skills, and you can do that in much less stressful ways than trying to date people. Any social interaction will improve your social skills.

Also, finding value in your life in areas that you have a large degree of control over, like your career/school, can make your life fulfilling even if no one likes you. Whether somebody else likes you is really out of your hands.

Ok, so I'm not exactly a relationship expert but I know a little bit. I've been reading some of your posts, and I kinda like you (which may or may not be related to the fact that you and I are both obvious Persona fans), so I'll clue you in on a little insider intel, since when it comes to relationships I've already faced my Shadow so now I get to help you do the same.

First of all, DON'T STRESS about it. You're seventeen bro. I was only a year older than you when I had my first relationship, and it honestly didn't last that long. The funny thing about relationships is that the less you try to LOOK for someone, the more likely someone is going to simply poof up when you least expect it.

Of course, it's difficult for that to happen if you're not in a social circle of sorts, which leads me to tip #2. I assume you'll be going to college once you graduate, and it seems to me like you're a fan of anime and whatnot, so when you do get to college, find the anime club and join it. If they don't have one, start one. The reason I say this is that there are a LOT of girls who are into anime nowadays, and having a common interest is always a good starting point for a friendship and then some. Out of the three relationships I've had thus far, I met two of them at Anime Club Laramie Chapter, thus proving the age old philosophy "Nerds of a feather flock together.". Even if there aren't any girls who often go to the club, you can always see if they're willing to sponsor a trip to a nearby convention, those are always fun and you get to meet LOTS of girls, sometimes in really skimpy serafuku cosplay as well. Just... make sure they're actually girls so that you don't end up in the bedroom just to find out you met a Bridget.

Hope that helps. If it didn't, I hope at least it made you laugh.

Reach out to the truth, man. ~Roxas

The first step is to learn how to hold a conversation with a girl. The more you speak to women the easier the task will become and you can move on to asking them out on a date. After all, what good does asking a girl out do if you end up silent most of the date.

It's all practice and I think you will discover how similar the sexes are once you develop some trust and can speak freely.

And it's okay to mess up, you will meet hundreds, if not thousands of women in your life.

Good luck!