Do aspie men want advice from aspie women?
I really struggle at times on this forum, and particularly in this sub-forum, with trying to read between the lines, or be relaxed about the way people sometimes write. When I read generalisations like "women do this" or "men are that", I'm taken aback because I expect aspies to be more literal-minded. So I think what they write is actually what they believe, i.e., things in absolute.
I know I'm working off stereotypes myself when I assume aspies on here are literal-minded, and clearly I'm wrong because I see these generalisations quite often. I know when someone says (for example) "women are..." that they probably mean SOME women, or MOST women, but the fact that they don't add these important words, on this forum, really throws me.
I guess all I'm saying is I sometimes feel uncertain about whether my opinion in this subforum is welcome/useful, as I can rarely relate to this "every woman" that is so often talked about. So my question is: When males ask for L&D advice on here, who do they want it from? Is advice from a quirky aspie female useful, or are our views, which are different from those of "most women", not very relevant?
Would love to hear different men's input into this
I can only speak for myself.
To answer your question honestly, no, I don't want advice from Aspie women.
Most of the problems I've had on this site have been from Aspie women, or alleged Aspie women, misunderstanding something I've said and assuming the worst about me, not even hearing out my explanation.
I find most of the women here have been coddled and would find their lives much more difficult in they were men with AS, and I don't find their collective thought process all that enlightening. Sure, there may be exceptions to the rule, but on the whole I see that even with AS, women still think much differently.
Sometimes, when someone asks for advice from others, they will take advice form anyone, but only if they already share and support their own opinions. Thus, if a guy asks, "How do I get these b*****s to like me?", then he is likely to accept advice only from other men who refer to women as "b*****s". Such people are better off when left alone and reported to the mods.
If a person asks, "I'm so lonely, nobody likes me, why can't I get a date?", they are most likely looking for encouragement rather than dating advice. They might be better off posting in The Haven.
But if a person asks, "What tips do you have for making a good impression on a first date?", then that person is probably wanting to know how to dress, what to talk about, where to go, et cetera. They are best treated as reasoning adults who are willing to learn, unless they prove themselves otherwise.
Anyone's advice can be useful, obviously, but it seems to be infinitely more pragmatic to get advice from NT females, for two reasons. The first is that Aspie females don't constitute anywhere near a majority of the female population at large. Asking for your advice would be akin to taking a poll of public opinion in America but only including one minority group in the sample population. The second is that Aspie females may be experiencing the same problems we- Aspie males- are. This could be good or bad. It makes your advice less useful if you're in the same boat as us and have no information that we don't. It makes it more useful if you've already been through the same situations and have information that would be useful to us.
And do you think input from AS women would be useful in these cases? My perspective on such things appears to be different to that of the average woman. I suppose it depends on what type of woman the man is interested in attracting, but that is rarely stated in their post, so should I assume they want tips on how to impress typical, NT women?
I believe I'd also have some good advice on how to attract NT women. But I feel like if I give this advice, rather than my own personal advice, then I'm promoting dating NT women instead of me, and so I'm in a way preventing AS men from knowing how to attract me! Sounds ridiculous, I know, but well...I'm single too
Of course if it's made clear "There's this girl who's like <insert description>" or whatever, I know what type of advice is required. But if it's a general "any woman" post, that's where I get unsure.
Last edited by yellowtamarin on 03 Nov 2012, 11:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.
If the person doing the asking was me, then I'd accept advice from Aspie women. I'd also accept it from Entie women, but I'd be concerned that they would have more ulterior motives for giving advice than Aspie women (this is based on subjective experience, however). I usually end up considering all advice, discarding only that advice that seems sarcastic, sexist, or exploitative.
Last edited by Fnord on 03 Nov 2012, 11:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.
In the short time I've been here, it seems that most male posters don't really look for advice. They just want to put their self-pity where someone else can see and when they get advice, they ignore it and continue to wallow in their misery.
I really wish L&D would be divided into two sub-sub-forums.
1. Love and Dating - Questions/Advice
2. Love and Dating - Rants
_________________
In the end, all you can hope for is the love you felt to equal the pain you've gone through.
For them, there is The Haven.
1. Love and Dating - Questions/Advice
2. Love and Dating - Rants
Why? The two genres are easy enough to tell apart. The former states a question related to a specific situation, while the latter is a seemingly endless word salad composed of semi-related statements that dither between abject self-pity and objectionable sexist insults.
1. Love and Dating - Questions/Advice
2. Love and Dating - Rants
Why? The two genres are easy enough to tell apart. The former states a question related to a specific situation, while the latter is a seemingly endless word salad composed of semi-related statements that dither between abject self-pity and objectionable sexist insults.
Not everyone wants to go on a scavenger hunt for actually relevant and intelligent topics/questions in a sea of bitter sentiment.
_________________
In the end, all you can hope for is the love you felt to equal the pain you've gone through.
Last edited by Taverson on 03 Nov 2012, 11:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Shatbat
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Joined: 19 Feb 2012
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,791
Location: Where two great rivers meet
If a person asks, "I'm so lonely, nobody likes me, why can't I get a date?", they are most likely looking for encouragement rather than dating advice. They might be better off posting in The Haven.
But if a person asks, "What tips do you have for making a good impression on a first date?", then that person is probably wanting to know how to dress, what to talk about, where to go, et cetera. They are best treated as reasoning adults who are willing to learn, unless they prove themselves otherwise.
I couldn't have said it better.
Advice and opinions are good and useful; and I believe that an aspie woman still has a lot to say on the L&D issue. In some cases they might be even better suited than regular NT ones; because while some things come naturally for the latter, the former usually need to put more thought into what they do and how they should act and why, which allows them to explain better those situations, which some people really appreciate. I've seen an NT woman who gives great advice around here recently, although I'd deem that as an special case for the time being.
Extending on Fnord's first paragraph, some people just don't want advice. It's a sad truth. You'll feel tempted to go away, and I wouldn't blame you for it
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MXH
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Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,057
Location: Here i stand and face the rain
we already have a forum for rants. its called the haven.
That said no i wouldnt want dating advice from female aspies. Why? because chances are i wont end up dating a female aspie. And the advice given would be different from the one i need.
Thats not to say i dont disagree that all the stupid generalizing posts have to die
Shatbat
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Joined: 19 Feb 2012
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,791
Location: Where two great rivers meet
1. Love and Dating - Questions/Advice
2. Love and Dating - Rants
Why? The two genres are easy enough to tell apart. The former states a question related to a specific situation, while the latter is a seemingly endless word salad composed of semi-related statements that dither between abject self-pity and objectionable sexist insults.
Not everyone wants to go on a scavenger hunt for actually relevant and intelligent topics/questions in a sea of bitter sentiment.
...
Eureka!?
_________________
To build may have to be the slow and laborious task of years. To destroy can be the thoughtless act of a single day. - Winston Churchill
Perhaps I'll just put a disclaimer at the top of all my L&D replies: "IF you want to date a female aspie, then read on...". Though I guess that's kind of implied, since NTs tend to mention that they are NT, when they post there.
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