Isit still possible for an Aspie(M) to find a GF in Seattle?

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15 Nov 2012, 11:21 am

So I had to move back from Portland to Seattle in June '09 for personal reasons that I will not go into here on WP. The thing is, when I was there I was living on inheritance and was going to grad school. Now ever since I've been back here I haven't have much of a social life. But I personally have NEVER in my life had any luck meeting women face to face since I cannot pick up on signs of interest from strangers(making friends through real life activities is another story and that I can do just fine). So I a have profiles on Okcupid and The Stranger Lovelab and ever since moving back to Seattle the number of messages I get on Okcupid has plummeted drastically.

I have gotten some dates but these women have all been NT and ultimately rejected me for being a "weird guy", etc etc. Yeah, I told em I have Asperger Syndrome but that hasn't changed their overall attitude towards me. NT women in general show zero interest in dating me. The only women who have been interested in hooking up with me are always abnormal in some way. But the thing is: I got a LOT more messages from wimminz when I lived in Portland than I ever did in Seattle! I even missed out on some dating opportunities due to being embroiled in a long distance relationship with a woman in Toronto(NEVER AGAIN! I date locals only from thenceforth).

Perhaps there are more aspie gals down there.............Or at least more single women are a bit odd. Seattle is gentrifying and becoming a city that I hardly recognize. Alternative culture is dying out fast and a lot of non-conformist/counterculture types simply cannot afford to live here anymore. I'd love to move back to Portland but that is easier said than done because getting a job there is extremely difficult for a Seattlite without any inside connections(very provincial place). Is it really where I live? Or maybe there's something else. I used to meet more people here say, 10 years ago, but things are different here now.

JanuaryMan
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15 Nov 2012, 11:38 am

AspieRogue wrote:

Perhaps there are more aspie gals down there.............Or at least more single women are a bit odd..

Well people seem to associate Portland Oregon with drugs, stoners and hippies..which might explain your answer! And Seattle with liberal Starbucks yuppies.
How true the stereotypes are as a consensus I wouldn't know but just thought I'd share that to give you something to think about.

Wherever you go, mind you....if the city is big enough there are people "your type". You just have to look harder in some of them.

AspieRogue

15 Nov 2012, 11:56 am

JanuaryMan wrote:

AspieRogue wrote:

Perhaps there are more aspie gals down there.............Or at least more single women are a bit odd..

Well I have no clue where to look for my type of person besides the internets. Seattle used to be very much like Portland, only bigger. But in the last 3 years that is starting to change drastically. All of those indie hole-in-the-wall retail stores are going out of business and historic(pre-WWI) buildings are being destroyed one after another and in their place, tacky new condos are replacing them.

Venger
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15 Nov 2012, 12:30 pm

JanuaryMan wrote:

Well people seem to associate Portland Oregon with drugs, stoners and hippies..which might explain your answer!

lol, You're probably thinking of Eugene Oregon the states second largest city after Portland.

windtreeman
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15 Nov 2012, 12:49 pm

I've lived in/near Seattle my whole life, including three years (yes, just three, GAH) at the University of Washington and I can tell you, I've had little to no success with women outside of situations, like classes together, where we're forced to slowly get to know each other. As far as meeting girls through friends, at parties or bars, I've had zero luck. I totally agree that it takes a slightly strange, eccentric and very intelligent women for me to be compatible with and unfortunately, those types of gals rarely seem to be out and about socializing. As far as seeking dates through the internet, I've never given a shot but ironically, a college friend of mine just proposed to a girl he met through eHarmony in...Portland! I mean, really though, there's got to be plenty of thoughtful, beautiful women in the Seattle area (especially at certain genres of small concerts)...they're just a little harder to find. I even bet there's some crazy gals who think a guy with Asperger's is a great little project for them.

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lelia
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15 Nov 2012, 1:23 pm

eHarmony said my aspie son was unclassifiable so they could not help him find a match. But some years later he got a girlfriend!! !! WooHooo! I love her dearly. I told her to never play If you love me you would know what I'm thinking games with him and she replied that she noted that she needs to be blunt with him. Yes!! !!
He lives in Kirkland and met her at one of the many game player groups he goes to. She showed me the elf figurine she uses in some board game. They also LARP and play some online games (definitely GuildWars 2).
All I can suggest is to keep hanging around people who are interested in the same things you are. It took a decade of looking for him.
When you were in Portland, did you go to Roger Meyer's support group for aspies? I take an autistic friend there when I'm not sick.

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AspieRogue

16 Nov 2012, 5:53 pm

lelia wrote:

Actually, I never went to any aspergers support groups while I was there. I attended one that was helpful for a while wayyyyyyy back in in the late 90s(Steve Becker's now defunct group in Seattle)but nothing like that ever since. eHarmony actively discriminates against people with certain personality types(along with people who are emotionally volatile)so I'm not the least bit surprised he got rejected like me.

I have to say: There seem to be a LOT of people here on WP these days who live in Portland, whereas there are no more than 4 people here from the Seattle area which IIRC wasn't true circa 5+ years ago. :scratch:

I honestly wouldn't be surprised if the population of aspie/autistic adults in Seattle & the Puget Sound area is decreasing in Seattle and its surroundings because it's a lot more expensive than it used to be and the state of Washington's social services are stretched thin. I even read a comment by a woman living in Sacramento who wants to move to PDX because of the "feminist and autism communities". Am I incorrect to conclude that these days there really are more aspies down there then here?

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16 Nov 2012, 10:42 pm

I have this problem, too. Do tell.

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lelia
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17 Nov 2012, 1:02 pm

How could there possibly be more aspies in Portland than in the Seattle area? When I went to my son's workplace for an open house, I identified some other aspies there. Redmond? Microsoft? Programmers? Video game industry? Role-play game industry? Wizards of the West Coast? Come on, there must be thousands of fellow aspies up there.

Unfortunately, we tend to self isolate. Myself, I often go days without talking to anybody but my husband. Were I single, I hope that I would join the local mycology club and volunteer at free clinics. I don't do much anymore because my growing deafness precludes most communication and turns meetings into frustration instead of joy, and I'm so tired now. I had planned to go out every night once the children left home, but instead I lie in bed with wonderful hubby watching sci-fi.

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AspieRogue

17 Nov 2012, 4:21 pm

lelia wrote:

Well since you're married you HAVE somebody to talk to and relate to so that makes a whole lot easier than if you are single and socially isolated.

Now just because there are high tech companies doesn't automatically mean that most of their programmers are aspies! That's a stereotype that is increasingly less and less true since many people pursue IT as a career path due to the fact that computers run everything and everyone uses them. There ARE a lot of children and teenagers with asperger syndrome but like I said: Seattle is very expensive to live these days and if you don't have a high paying job, or get financial support from your family, or live with roommates and have a source of income, then you are not going to be able to afford it. Those who have high paying tech jobs are the LUCK-Y ones. A lot of those jobs in this area require a 4 year CS degree, I have a MS in math.

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17 Nov 2012, 5:28 pm

lelia wrote:

I think Portland might be more tolerant of eccentrics than Seattle. It there's one thing Yuppies hate is people who are different they refuse to be near anyone who isn't like them.

AspieRogue

18 Nov 2012, 1:35 am

Embroglio wrote:

lelia wrote:

I think Portland might be more tolerant of eccentrics than Seattle. It there's one thing Yuppies hate is people who are different they refuse to be near anyone who isn't like them.

Funnily enough, back in the 1990s it was the exact opposite. Seattle was tolerant of eccentricity and Portland was more of a provincial, blue collar town know for being a haven for skinheads. But nowadays, things have changed dramatically and I'd say that Portland and Seattle have basically changed places.

I wouldn't say that Seattlite yuppies are actively intolerant of eccentricity. I mean, they're not going to harass you or report you to the cops just for bein' weird. What they do instead is ostracize you and yuppie women wouldn't even CONSIDER dating such men. If you are an aspie but you you have high paying software job, there might be some women willing to date you for your money so long as your Asperger Syndrome isn't visually obvious. But otherwise, fahgetaboutit!

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18 Nov 2012, 2:26 am

Never been to Seattle before, but to answer your question, maybe if you're a caffeine addict and you're favorite pick-up like is "Hey, wanna see how my operating system reboots?"

If you think Seattle is bad, I can guarantee you would hate Florida.

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18 Nov 2012, 5:11 am

I would think the stoner community would be thriving now that Washington state just legalized weed.

It also seems like the more artsy, eccentric, liberal people there are in a city, the more expensive it is. I tend to be artsy and eccentric (but not liberal), but live in a metro area where if you're not in compliance with evangelical Christian views on sex and society, the women see you as a "potential rapist"--despite the fact that we have an openly gay mayor here.

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18 Nov 2012, 5:57 am

AspieRogue wrote:

I have gotten some dates but these women have all been NT and ultimately rejected me for being a "weird guy", etc etc. Yeah, I told em I have Asperger Syndrome but that hasn't changed their overall attitude towards me. NT women in general show zero interest in dating me. The only women who have been interested in hooking up with me are always abnormal in some way. But the thing is: I got a LOT more messages from wimminz when I lived in Portland than I ever did in Seattle! I even missed out on some dating opportunities due to being embroiled in a long distance relationship with a woman in Toronto(NEVER AGAIN! I date locals only from thenceforth).

Perhaps there are more aspie gals down there.............Or at least more single women are a bit odd. Seattle is gentrifying and becoming a city that I hardly recognize. Alternative culture is dying out fast and a lot of non-conformist/counterculture types simply cannot afford to live here anymore. I'd love to move back to Portland but that is easier said than done because getting a job there is extremely difficult for a Seattlite without any inside connections(very provincial place). Is it really where I live? Or maybe there's something else. I used to meet more people here say, 10 years ago, but things are different here now.

there's a cute girl in portland liberty city..she's joey's girl though. just kidding.

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equestriatola
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18 Nov 2012, 7:13 am

I take it my chances are better where I am now (WA) than in Los Angeles as I have mentioned in the other thread of mine here.....

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