Attempt to meet someone, would you critique my message?

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Brianruns10
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01 Jan 2013, 11:44 am

Okay here's the long short of it: I went to a party last night, and I had hoped to meet a girl there who was listed on FB as attending. However she didn't come (the weather was pretty bad last night), but I'm still really interested in meeting her. I get the impression from what I can glean from her public facebook details, that she MAY be single, but this isn't clear.

Luckily we have a good mutual friend, so I was going to message her first and ask about her friend (since I don't want to seem like a facebook stalker by message the girl herself).

I'd love any advice, if what I've written is good or not.

"Hi [Mutual Friend]

It was great seeing you and [your husband] again last night, and I'm glad things seem to be going really well for you both!

I had a question, that maybe you'd be willing to help me with. There was one person supposed to be at the party last night, who didn't come, whom you know - [The Girl's Name].

I don't know her or anything about her, but I was had hoped to meet her last night. We don't know each other, and naturally I don't want to message her directly out of the blue, especially since I don't even know if she's single or spoken for. So first of all, do you know what her "status" is?

And if she does happen to be available, do you think she'd be interested in meeting? Like as one possibility, what if all four of us met for dinner sometime?

If you could help me, I'd really appreciate it!"

End of Messsage



DefinitelyKmart
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01 Jan 2013, 12:02 pm

Mate its far better if you bring it up in passing conversation, because how else could you know about this girl other than by stalking her fb?
next time you are out, just ask about her and see if shes single, messaging seems far too upfront in my opinion. I am telling you that message is a very bad idea and you should not condsider sending it.



Brianruns10
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01 Jan 2013, 12:07 pm

But I don't see this friend very often, since she's in school, and I work. And the longer I may wait, the better the odds this girl, if she is single, could find someone.

It's not ideal, but I feel I need to take the bull by the horns. What's wrong if I want to meet somebody? I'm just asking a friend for help.

Besides, I don't have time to waste, paying these BS games. I need to find someone, and I'm going to be proactive.

I'm not asking for advice on IF I should send the message. It WILL be sent. I 'm asking for feedback on the phrasing.



DefinitelyKmart
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01 Jan 2013, 12:23 pm

do you want your friend to think you've been fb stalking her friends?



MCalavera
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01 Jan 2013, 12:24 pm

Too creepy. Be proactive, but not like that.



Brianruns10
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01 Jan 2013, 12:45 pm

But I'm not trolling her friends list. She was on a list of people who RSVP'd for a party, with a FB invite. There was like a dozen people. I looked at the list to see who all was coming, and saw her there. But then she didn't come.

I just want to know more about here. She's probably spoken for. That would be helpful to know. And I'm not asking for a blind date, or anything. I'm suggesting a four person meet up.

Dammit all, I'm through worrying about what people will think. I want to bloody well find someone already. I'm almost 29 and have never had a girlfriend. So I'm going to try whatever I can.

I'm not asking for advice from you people on whether I should send the message. It is going to be sent I just want advice on how to make the message better.

If you're not going to give me that, keep quiet. I don't need to hear why you think it's stalkerish or weird. Because at this point, I'm willing to try anything if it means the loneliness will finally end.



Brianruns10
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01 Jan 2013, 12:49 pm

I just sent the message. I DID something. To hell with what people think, I'm trying to improve my situation, dammit.

Thanks for nothing.



MCalavera
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01 Jan 2013, 12:58 pm

I hope it works out, Brian.



Someweirdo
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01 Jan 2013, 12:59 pm

Brianruns10 wrote:
I just sent the message. I DID something. To hell with what people think, I'm trying to improve my situation, dammit.

Thanks for nothing.


You asked for advice and people gave it, but your response seems to suggest you just wanted someone to tell you it was a good idea.



Tequila
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01 Jan 2013, 1:00 pm

Brianruns10 wrote:
I just sent the message. I DID something. To hell with what people think, I'm trying to improve my situation, dammit.

Thanks for nothing.


You're not helping yourself, because you're still under this delusion that a woman can magically fix everything that's wrong with your life. And stop thinking about "the one". That's out of teenage girl's magazines and Hollywood romantic films. It doesn't exist in real life.



Growlithe
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01 Jan 2013, 1:02 pm

When asking a girl out don't be scared. The worst thing she can say is no.

Actually the worst thing she can is say is no and then insult you.



Brianruns10
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01 Jan 2013, 1:02 pm

I wanted someone to help me write the best message I could. Because not doing anything was NOT ACCEPTABLE. I cannot waste time waiting for the right moment. I did that once before, and when I made a move, I learned just one month before, the girl I loved had found someone else, and they're now married. That should've been me, and would've if I'd been more proactive. And because of it I'm alone, still.

I asked for advice on how to make the message better, and everyone just suggested the coward's way out. Screw that advice. I'm taking a risk dammit, because I want to improve my situation.



DefinitelyKmart
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01 Jan 2013, 1:05 pm

Brianruns10 wrote:
I just sent the message. I DID something. To hell with what people think, I'm trying to improve my situation, dammit.

Thanks for nothing.
Good luck,
I gave you the advice you deserved to have, but it seems all (as people frequently are) you wanted was reaffirmation it was a good idea and maybe a few touch ups.



MountainLaurel
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01 Jan 2013, 1:06 pm

Quote:
There was one person supposed to be at the party last night, who didn't come, whom you know - [The Girl's Name].

Simplify this sentence so that it sounds more casual:
I was hoping to have had the chance to meet Stefany Moore at the party.


Quote:
I don't know her or anything about her, but I was had hoped to meet her last night.

Just fix the typo in this sentence.



MCalavera
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01 Jan 2013, 1:07 pm

Why didn't you send her a message on Facebook instead?

And weren't there other girls at the party that you found attractive?

If you wanted to be proactive, why didn't you go up to talk to one of them?



MountainLaurel
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01 Jan 2013, 1:14 pm

Oops; guess I was a tad late with my edit suggestion.

Please don't be angry with the advise in this thread. You are asking advise from folks with AS; they gave you their gut responses (which might not reflect the same attitudes typically encountered in the social world).