difference between playing hard to get vs not interest

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Ok, I always read that ladies like to play hard to get and they like the chase
ok. How do you know the difference between ''playing hard to get'' and lady who is just not interest.
If I ask out a lady and she's say no, then I don't keep bothering her about going out with me.
But I read that ladies ''like the chase'' so they might say ''no'' but they want the man to keep trying or something like that.
But I've read from couple ladies here on wp, that their husband ''didn't give up on them'' and keep trying to have a relationship with them. Of course I don't want to start harrasing a lady, if she has no interest me.

I find that some ladies who like to play hard to get will tease and and see if they can make you jealous. Not interested is more likely to be communicated either directly, or through body language like looking at their watch or phone or just simply running away from you.

A girl who plays hard to get will keep her distance form you while giving you reason to get closer. A girl who is not interested will will keep her distance but also let you know that she prefers it that way.

I don't like playing games, so I don't keep pursing them when they say no even if I can tell that they want me to (of course a lot of times I can't tell).

I'm not sure if aspies should dabble in this area - it seems a bit dangerous due to some of our intrinstic inabilities.

Generally the way to tell is the following:

- A woman who is not interested will give you signals stating that which will be consistent.
In other words, she will be indicating that she does not want you by verbal signals, as well as using physical signals. The two signals (verbal and physical) should match.

- A woman who is playing hard to get will give you signals stating that which will be inconsistent.
In other words, they may be saying they don't want you verbally, or throwing sh*t tests at you, but their physical signals state that they are at least somewhat interested, or at least curious about you. The two signals (verbal and physical) will not match.

This is a dangerous thing for aspies since usually our incapabilities when it comes to reading the physical signals (facial expression, body language, etc) one can be easily mistaken for the other, leading us to the incorrect conclusion. But we also fail to pick up the "social niceties" and things like tone, sarcasm, whether or not someone is lying, in the verbal signals which confuses us further.

This is one of my major dislikes... the worst experience of my life came because of this "game". I was 18 and just finishing high school and a girl I was interested in was showing lots of interest in me, then one day she started playing "cold" and no longer interested. That made me mad so I never spoke to her again.

Imagine my surprise when I had to flee the school for my life because she started a rumour I grabbed her privates, etc. in a "revenge" move for snubbing her when I didn't play her game. (It got back to me that she wanted me to play this @#$%ing chase-me-when-I-play-hard-to-get game and me snubbing her made her really, really mad... so she spread this rumour around.) If I hadn't fled when I did, there was a LARGE gang ready to stab me to death (no exaggeration) including the entire football team which her brother was on. Worse - the story continued to grow and someone got the police involved. Now she had to either tell the truth or keep on going with it... well, she put her drama class experience to work and told the police a tear-jerking story.

It only got worse from there...

So yeah, playing games like this will really make me MAD!

A convert to Orthodox Judaism is rejected 3 times to test his sincerity to the faith.

I figure that's a good rule for girls too.

Seen a few girls do this and I think this is very mean and can be misunderstood so hard.

What happened in the end? Did you get her into trouble by telling the truth?

I have given up on trying to figure this game out. I understand the rules, I understand the reasoning, but I cannot apply that knowledge because it just takes me too long to process, and I am highly resistant against female subtlety. Like, right now, I have established a nice connection with a girl from college.

She suggested hooking up via E-mail, asking me for my number and all that, then nothing. I write her again, she replies in an instant and suggests meeting in college the next day, where she is super nice, leaving her guy friends behind she was sitting with to grab some coffee with me, smiling, laughing all the time, making excuses to sit close to me (there was little room on the benches, so she looked for a very small space and said "let's just squeeze in there together"), talking and all that, and, again, she suggested meeting again soon, giving me a hug for goodbyes.

Now the day is there, and she flakes, saying she's got too much stuff to do and says she wants to meet next week. I don't want to derail, and I am not necessarily looking for advice (this isn't my topic here, after all), just sharing my recent experience. While I will keep playing it safe, to me, the possibility exists that she indeed wants to play the "chase me" game. She initiated interest, she said she wanted to meet, and we went from very formal handshake for greetings to smiling and hugging when saying goodbyes after about 45 minutes, and I think she was also probing me for a possible girlfriend by asking me what I did the last weekend.

I think if you have a situation like this where the girl is really proactive and initiative, but seems to only get you all fired up about her by making dates, then rescheduling and all that, she sends you signals that she is interested, but demands that you do the usual "guy's part" in this game by, well, wooing her. After all, it is, from an equality point of view, only fair for the woman to expect you to meet her half the way, and this is her way of showing you. I agree with what has been said earlier: Women that want to be chased tend to be ambigous in their actions. They keep saying one thing, then do the other. A girl that is not interested - or at least not in a romantic way -, will usually let you know, albeit in a cryptic way, that you shouldn't get your hopes up.

Something you might want to look for, is indeed mimicing behaviour. I know that is one of the oldest cliches, but it holds true from where I am standing. Taking the girl I have talked about again, when she initially writes me a text or E-mail, she is very shortspoken, only transmitting bare information. When I write an elaborate reply with emoticons, she replies the same way (going as far as using the exact same amount of emoticons). I finish my texts usually with "Kind regards". She didn't do that in her first messages, but in her most recent texts, she has adapted that habit and does the exact same. When you meet her, look if she is facing you, if she watches your mouth when speaking, how often she smiles, and if her body is adjusted in your direction, stuff like that. If many of these things are the case, even if she says something that would suggest she is not interested, her body language, her subconcious is telling a different story.

I have watched alot of guys and girls sitting around in college, and it was pretty fun to see that many of these things indeed apply, and how many guys, even normal ones, seem to be completely oblivious about these things.

tl;dr: What the other folks said.

Who would believe an awkward Aspie versus a crying pretty girl... and everyone knows a woman would never lie about being attacked...

No. I failed to convince anyone the first time around and was eventually imprisoned for her false claim and unwillingness to quell the rumour she started. She's a master manipulator who doesn't give a crap about the harm she does to others (textbook sociopath.) I found her on Facebook not long ago... she'd gone through a couple husbands but she got lots of higher education (all sociology, etc of course) and got some impressive-sounding high-end titles... so her social manipulation skills (and presumably husband-destroying) have sure paid off for her.

The only good news here is that eventually I was able to appeal the court decision and saner heads prevailed! The criminal charges were dropped and no records, etc. That doesn't remove the fact I had to pay thousands of dollars in legal fees, was almost raped/murdered in prison (I wasn't, thank God!) couldn't finish high school for a couple years and fell into a serious depression from just how EVIL and two-faced some people can be!

If any of you have ever wondered why I get so mad at the "games" some women (and men) play, this is a big part of it. I will not stand for people doing cruel things, especially manipulation, abuse, bullying, false accusation, etc.


So this playing "hard to get" game is dangerous bullpucky! Screwing with people's heads for fun and self-gratification? Evil. Plain and simple.

I just turn around and walk away I dont play that game its all a game to those types and I refuse to make a fool of myself shell have to come to me if she wants me to want her enough.

One, can certainly overlap the other. They might not be mutually exclusive. It could even be, that someone plays hard to get, without realising they are doing so. It's a case of finding the balance. For some, it is part of a natural evolvement.

I would stalk her and let everyone who posted on her facebook page know about her. It sounds like it would be a public service.

The pepper spray is always quite a clear indicator