Hi everyone,
I've appreciated the insight and resources this forum has offered in the last few days. I am a largely NT woman (although with ADHD diagnosis, and I scored as having both NT and Aspie characteristics on the RDOS test). My father is a self-diagnosed aspie, so it would make sense. I have been in a long term relationship with a man I've recently learned is likely an Aspie for several years. We had a very strained beginning of our relationship due to the expectations I'd had in previous relationships, such as compliments, going out, emotional support, communication patterns, etc., and although we've made some progress, we still run into the same issues at times. I feel both of us are sometimes "walking on eggs" around each other. He feels I get too emotional which makes him shut down or get angry, and he would prefer me communicate issues to him before I reach those emotional states, however I find communication on any issues at all, regardless of state, to be difficult because they are inherently emotional issues.
After learning more about Asperger's these last few days, taking the Rdos test myself and seeing the results of his, I'm pretty sure he has Asperger's, and I'm not quite sure where to go with this. In some regards, I feel relieved that it's not just me being crazy, and it's not just him being stubborn, and I also feel relieved to have some additional resources of community to work with. On the same note, it is highly unlikely he or I will seek out professional diagnosis/therapy, and I'm not sure that's necessary. I quite like the perspective of nuerodiversity vs. pathologizing Aspergers, and I don't want to approach this as him needing to be fixed. Rather, I'd like to utilize this knowledge as something empowering to the both of us, and seek out additional tools.
I was wondering if any of you out there could recommend some resources as far as books, documentaries, articles, etc., that could lead us to some tools for communication/handling our respective feelings during conflict that come from a non-pathologizing perspective of Aspergers? A lot of the things I've read online use the language of "disabilities" or "inadequacies" etc., on the part of Asperger's, and I don't really like that framework....personal experiences and sharing may be helpful too.
I suppose I want to find resources I can share with him so he can understand the process I am going through without him feeling like I am trying to fix him or blame him solely for our issues, if that makes sense....
Thanks in advance.
06 Dec 2012, 2:21 pm
