Loving someone warts and all; imperfections. Thoughts?

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I am just interested, out of general curiosity, about this. I don't have anyone specific in mind, and it is not about my own life as such. This is really something that has interested me for a long time.
I suppose it is borne partly out of a feeling that I am unlovable, and a fear of someone rejecting me because of my many imperfections.
And also, not having had a proper long term intimate relationship, a general interest in how these things are managed in that context, and what people's experiences are.

I suppose I do mean specifically physical imperfections, because of my own hang ups. But also other things about people. Those are very important too.

But really, is it possible to go from feeling like an unlovable monster, to feeling like you are beautiful and lovable?

Do people accept each other's imperfections?

Thoughts, stories, insights......................... ???

My boyfriend is horribly flawed but It just makes me love him all the more. It just makes him more real.

Some of his "faults" which i really dont see as faults because they compliment him to make him the most perfect man i have ever known.
- he is very overweight
- low self esteem
- doesn't see me very often and has no inclination to
- games too much (probably slight addiction)
- very anti social
- really self critical
- super moody
- looks a lot older then he is
- never takes me on dates and has no inclination to
- has no inclination to introduce me to friends or family
-he is not well off financially
- he is not financially stable
- he is a bit grotty

I would not change him or even wish to. I accept him and love him just as he is. I just wish i got to see him more.

Okay, that's a good example of loving someone for exactly what they are, not in spite of what they are or for some other reason altogether, like what they could be or what you wish them to be etc....
I find that really interesting. And it's nice to hear!
Does he appreciate being so well loved?

No he doesn't like it. He can't understand why i love him and he is unsure if he will ever recipricate the emotions. I am ok with this as i would hate someone to lie to me or tell me they love me when they are unsure if they ever could. I hold out hope that oneday his feelings of attraction and the fact he likes and admires me will progress into a deeper emotion or that he may already feel it but process his emotions a bit better.

I have the feeling what he thinks is love is his interpritation on "first love" or "limerence style love". If this is the case he will never say he is in Love as he will associate the wrong emotions to the what i mean when i say it. I associate the words love as a more familiaral style emotion. This is where the differance and interperetation on the words can mean differant things.

Last edited by Solvejg on 20 Nov 2012, 11:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

without flaws we would all be boring and the same.

flaws are what make us who we are. along with our strong points too though.

yin and yang.

my girlfriend is not perfect by any means, but I love her more because of this.

Heck, I'm not even sure what emotion to truly call love! They say I'll "know it when it happens" but I doubt it... I might have to just admit uncertainty with the next person I'm thinking of getting with, even if it's unromantic...

It happens, no one is perfect.

The above post may be a more extreme example, but yeah it happens.

As much as it seems wrong, wtfid2 actually hit the nail on the head.
It's very rare these days for anyone who's not middle-aged to accept someone else's flaws. Especially really big ones.

And believe me, I should know.

We are about the same age. maybe it is just the people you know?

If it is just the people, I am screwed anyway. I can't leave the state.

Oh and I just realized that it seemed like, because of the order of the posts, that I called you middle-aged. I wasn't directing that at you, Solvejg.

Nothing wrong with middle-aged women anyway, they're just too old for me and I don't have the patience to wait to catch up in age.

I meant i am not middle aged and i accept my boyfriend warts and all. I have been through the whole marriage and kid thing already though so it isn't like i am like most people my age just getting out of the club scene and settling with their first move in partner

That's why I got embarrassed, because I wasn't trying to say you were middle-aged. Not like it matters anyway, any lady who would maybe possibly accept me (I doubt it) would be halfway across the world and I'd never see her, so it's a moot point.

That's interesting, but... I want to clarify, do you actually love him because of these traits or do you love him for despite them for some of his other traits (that you haven't listed)? I mean, I can understand being attracted to some of these (eg. overweight, looks older - those are matter of preference), but are you saying you would be less attracted to him if he was less moody or better off financially or less grotty? If so, why is that?

I can't see how that would work out if he has no indication of returning it to you...sounds like nothing will come off it.

Yes, because no one is perfect.

It seems to be impossible for me to find someone who would be that accepting. Feels like the world is a lot more superficial now than ever, perhaps due to things like school and media.

But then I also wonder if I'd be any better. I'd like to think I could give a lot of people a chance, but I haven't really been given any myself. Guess I have to admit I'd be lying if I wouldn't enjoy hurting someone else for once, or that I wouldn't get satisfaction out of telling someone who's obsessed with me that they aren't good enough. Some sick sense of vengeance, I suppose.