I don't know what's going on!

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Hello all. I know that I'll be understood on this planet

Over the past couple of weeks, this girl about a year older than me with whom I work has appeared to be making advances toward me. Prior to this, we have never spoken about anything other that what pertains to our jobs and even contact of that nature was extremely limited. However, she has recently begun to do some things which have make me wonder what she's on about. She has gone out of her way to talk to me (we work in separate offices so this involves leaving her little cubicle and venturing over to mine), she's taken over some of my assignments when I was inundated with work on one day, she's stopped to talk to me when we're passing each other in the hallways (I just give my generic I know who you are but I don't want to talk right now wave), and she even just randomly gave me a hug the other day.

Here's the kicker. In our conversations, she's told me on more than one occasion that she has a boyfriend. Now, I had never been interested in her romantically anyway (I really don't even know her as a person that well), but if she's expressing interest in me, why would she think that I would show mutual interest knowing that she's in a relationship?
Honestly, I do not have any sort of attraction to her nor do I want to have a girlfriend right now, but if she is expressing interest, I at least want to respectfully tell her that rather than just pretend not to notice what she's doing.

Any opinions, thoughts, and or advice?

I'm not sure those are her flirting as much as just being friendly. All of those are things I have done to male co-workers and I do not swing that way. They sound like her being friendly, and friends help each other out.

I wouldn't say anything unless she does something obvious like try to kiss you or something.

I know exactly what you mean as far as misreading women, but looks I agree with thewhitrbbit. The fact that she mentioned having a bf on SEVERAL occasions tells me that she is not available. She is most likely just being friendly which I know for us aspies can be confusing as hell at times

Oh yes, it's quite confusing indeed!

Thanks everybody.

She could be hinting that she actually doesn't have a boyfriend if you read into reverse psychology and is asking you to ask her out.

Well, from my experience (both first hand and second hand), if a girl is interested in you in a romantic fashion, but is also in a relationship, will usually not drop the "boyfriend bomb" on you until she knows the feeling is mutual. Not saying that she is that manipulative, but both men and women are like that more often than not. Sometimes it may just be "assessing her market value" to see if she still - potentially - could attract another man. Maybe she has on more than one occasion considered breaking up and wants to make sure you are both available and already emotionally attached to her, so you would still be there for her to pick once she dumped her old boyfriend. I'd say the latter happens more often than you think. I wouldn't really call it friendzoning, it is more or less creating an emergency backup guy in case her other relationship ends. While I do think that men and women can be platonic friends, some of these motivations play a role very often one way or the other on both sides.

Not saying you should get your hopes up, though. She might indeed just be friendly towards you because she is curious what's the deal with you. I've had tha happen to me a couple of times, because us guys with AS are very hard for women to figure out.
Even if a woman is not interested in a man romantically at all, she expects him to see her as a woman and wants him to want her. Women need that feeling more than men do, I'd say, as women usually define themselves more by their appearance than men do.
I know from many reports by women that I appear to be completely ambigious and uninterested in women, no matter if I find them attractive or not. I rarely look into people's faces if I don't have to, I don't check women out that much, and I definitely don't do that when I am friends with someone or talking to someone. I've seen that almost other men do, which suggests, as reports from these forums and my own personal experience, that women are more likely to assume that guys with AS are homosexual.

I am getting of track; the point is, she might find you interesting outside of romantic intention because you are odd and different from all other men. Women are aware that there's social oddballs, geeks and nerds... but from their perspective, they are usually easily identified by looking like that. Maybe you look "too good" to be a social outcast / geek / nerd / whatever, and behave just too much under the radar that it makes her suspiscious. I am a prime example for that, as I consider myself to be quite nerdy, but I am quite the opposite of the usual cliché when it comes to looks. Or, if you are rather isolated and more of a loner at work, she feels sorry for you because she thinks you are a nice guy and deserve some attention. Don't be a fool like me and overanalyze these things. I know it is tempting, but don't do it. Just roll with it. For all you know, she has a boyfriend, so play it safe. No matter what her true intentions are, to you, she is in a relationship, so friendship it is, then. Triangle constellations always result in someone getting hurt, and from where I am standing, it'd better be her or the other guy than you.

Brilliant analysis, starryeyedvoyager!

You also touched on something that I've sort of been wondering about. I've started to get the perception over the past year or so that a lot of people (predominantly women, but some men too) perceive me to be homosexual. I have been very open and honest with myself with regard to this (you know how we Aspies can sort of remove ourselves from even very intimate thoughts about ourselves) and I can say with 100% certainty that I am most decidedly heterosexual (citing plenty of evidence which isn't quite appropriate for this thread ).

Even though I have learned how to blend in much more effectively over the years, I know that some people may still find me to be different and that's fine, I take pride in being different. I suppose it's logical though that people may be intrigued; we're uniquely different among others who are all similarly different.

Glad I could be of service.

The thing with us Aspies "blending in" is, that we tend to do that with the intention to not draw attention to ourselves, at least that holds true for me: I want to get through this life without giving people too many chances to think I am an idiot, to judge me because of what I am and to hurt me. We play the role we think is expected from us, and most of us with AS are actually quite bright and have keen wits and acute senses that allow us to watch and analyze. The thing is, I think we will always stick out because it shows that we are immitating normal human behaviour without understanding it. People see us being "normal", but I think it still feels artificial, sterile even, and this is why they can't figure us out, much in the same way we cannot figure out the "natural" feel that comes with just... well, behaving naturally.
As for the homosexual part, there's actually a thread going on on these boards about it, and I can see why people think that: I, like I've said, do not enjoy the usual "manly banter", talking about what women I find attractive (there's very few), and like many social conventions, I find it both boring and unintersting to talk and act "like a guy". Women, on the other hand, are not only confused by the "obvious" lack of interest, but also because us guys with AS usually don't end up with alot of women and tend to be virgins until much later ages. Something, so I have learned here, called "pre-selection", is very important for women, and I can honestly see that: I do not consider myself good looking, but I do know that I have got some things going that women find attractive (I am quite tall, I am rather buff, I am focused, honest, and I am incredibly good with children), and yet I am always single... so, there's a guy that many women would consider "a catch", and still he never has something going -> There must be something really wrong with that guy, he must be hiding something. And since it is still not that socially accepted to be gay, I think it is only fair for women to assume that I was homosexual, at least I don't blame them for doing so... from the point of view of a normal person, the it is a rather logical assumption to make.

Again, I am derailing, this is about you. What course of action will you take in this situation? Will you pursue a friendship? Without centering the attention on me again, I have started seeking all the female company I can get, especially with attractive women at college, not mainly because I think it'll lead somewhere, but it'll open up new social circles, new possibilities and new people to meet. Maybe amongst those people, there's a woman that likes me, and if she sees that I am already friends with some of her lady friends, then hey, it might change the odds in my favor. I have pointed out at numerous occasions that I get along with women alot better than with men, mainly because I can indeed be my more sensitive self, so I might as well make it an asset and use it to my advantage.

At this time, I really don't have any desire to pursue a friendship. My interactions with girls still tend to be rather nerve-wracking if they concern anything other than strictly professional matters. I have made a conscious effort actually to stop viewing females as any different from males in terms of how I perceive them; I had a bad experience with a girl about a year and a half ago in which I became far too attached. Since then, I've been much more cautious and my only other attempts to pursue any sort of non-professional interaction with any particular girl were two coffee dates earlier this year. It was with the same girl on both occasions, but I did not feel that we would be able to make any sort of a connection on anything other than a superficial level; our conversations seemed to be much too laborious for the both of us.

In a larger sense, I'm not sure if I may have somewhat weakened my sense of physical attraction to the opposite sex. Recently, I've found it to be rather difficult to discern to myself whether or not a given girl seems "pretty" to me or not. I largely cannot make any sort of judgement on anybody unless I get the opportunity to interact with them, male or female, but I distinctly remember being able to say to myself things like, "she's cute," which doesn't seem to happen much anymore. Granted, I tend to look at a girl's eyes more than anything else, but still, it seems a bit weird to me.