A question for the love experts.

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ConfusedDude
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22 Nov 2012, 12:21 am

Is it true that if you respect women they might even like you?

You know with honesty and whatnot?

To this day, I'm 17 and still don't have a girlfriend.



thewhitrbbit
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22 Nov 2012, 12:53 am

ConfusedDude wrote:
Is it true that if you respect women they might even like you?

You know with honesty and whatnot?

To this day, I'm 17 and still don't have a girlfriend.


Of Course. Respect always beats disrespect.

Do you disrespect women? Or do you worship women?

Women obviously don't like disrespect, but they also don't' like guys who worship them.



ConfusedDude
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22 Nov 2012, 1:06 am

To be honest, whenever I look at a hot lady accidentally walking by me (or if I see her in the distance), I have a motionless face, I don't feel anything uncomfortable, I don't say anything (except for salutations or important stuff) and I mind my own (damn) business. Does that count as respect, for a single guy like me? Or is it just crazy stuff that I say? Or do they want me to say something?

The situation that I have is it good or bad? Cause I don't get it. C'mon. Help me out, people. Please.



JanuaryMan
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22 Nov 2012, 8:17 am

whitrabbit hit the nail on the head. Be nice and treat them like anyone else rather than worship them or feel funny around them and providing you look after your physical appearance enough you'll get girlfriends. I know that's hard at 17 but over time say like by your early 20's you'll master that if you give it enough thought and patience.

EDIT: The thing about walking past on the street shows you are still awkward around women. But unfortunately many are told that those signals mean that you like them rather than it you just being shy or awkward around ANY woman regardless. And if you do the motionless face to the point of too much disinterest they are also told that you must be gay (a rejection coping mechanism), or an extremely volatile or creepy person. So in short what you are doing isn't disrespectful but won't help you very much in the long run, so I would try to do things like look busy (mobile phone or mp3 player with headphones in, a schedule etc.) or more concerned about your surroundings than the people until you feel you're at a stage to walk past women without doing the motionless face thing, look generally normal happy or average etc.



BrenJB
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22 Nov 2012, 11:55 pm

January Man always gives great advice and I really don't like just meeting people on the street. I prefer someone I get to know, that likes to laugh and make me laugh and that seems like he will be good to me (not worship). A guy that makes me laugh looks a million times better than any guy taht I am just seeing for the first time no matter his looks. Good luck!



fluffypinkyellow
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23 Nov 2012, 9:03 am

Yes, if you respect women they may like you. This does not mean that respecting women automatically guarantees you will get a girlfriend.

For me, "respect" is when a guy treats me as an equal and takes an interest in what I have to say. Saying mean things like "you are weird" or "you are an idiot" are disrespectful. Also, saying stuff like "I would f**k you if I was really drunk" is disrespectful. (How exactly am I supposed to respond to that sort of thing anyway?)

I also find it disrespectful when a man identifies me by my body parts. Like if I've just met someone and he starts talking about my boobs 2 minutes into the conversation. It's awkward, I don't know what to say, and it makes me feel like I'm just being seen in a one-dimensional light.

I also think it might be worthwhile for you to cultivate some platonic friendships with girls.



arielhawksquill
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23 Nov 2012, 9:43 am

ConfusedDude wrote:
To be honest, whenever I look at a hot lady accidentally walking by me (or if I see her in the distance), I have a motionless face, I don't feel anything uncomfortable, I don't say anything (except for salutations or important stuff) and I mind my own (damn) business. Does that count as respect, for a single guy like me? Or is it just crazy stuff that I say? Or do they want me to say something?

The situation that I have is it good or bad? Cause I don't get it. C'mon. Help me out, people. Please.


Your way of enacting your respect would seem to the hot women like you are ignoring them totally. Yes, they expect you to talk to them or at least smile at them and make eye contact or they will never approach you.



DoodleDoo
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24 Nov 2012, 1:49 pm

I think being confused is normal, for 17 year old aspie that's a good sign, heck many are not even confused yet :)
You have the PUA stuff and Socionics/MBTI for some kind of imperfect model of how things work. I think the most import thing is direct hands on experience, you have to try and fail a lot to learn.

The answer to your question is your looking to your internal world to understand how someone else feels about you. You are 17 with no experience, so at this point you are more or less blind.

The path of least resistance is another aspie woman. In my opinion that is the type of woman that is very easy to connect with.