What are the odds she will return?

Post Reply New Topic

Hello there,

It's going on three months since I met the most fabulous girl I have ever met whilst on holidays on an island in Europe. To cut a long story short, I obtained her contact details and, after exchanging a relatively small number of emails, we met up about a month later in Italy for a long weekend together. I was surprised that she presented me with a wonderful gift upon arrival that I still cherish. During these few days we had a great time, I grew to really like her and on returning home (western europe) I sent her a message stating that things went so well that I would really like to come and visit her (northern europe) nest year. This is where things turned awry.

Her reply stated that despite having a great time she was sorry, that I should not take any offence but she could not address my feelings the way I would expect and that it was better to stop. This was about two months ago.

My initial reaction was that which I have been conditionned to give through many years of romantic failure, that she didn't like me and thought a relationship improbable. So, I replied asking for some simple clarification (in hindsight this may have been the fatal error). No reply. About a week after I replied once more apologising for having seemingly upset her and proposing to continue nevertheless to exchange emails. No reply.

At this point I figured something was amiss and after much reading and a recollection of numerous quirks that she had displayed from our time in Italy I concluded that she had AS. I am 99% sure of this. Serendipitously, I discovered that I am myself an hybrid AS/NT. This probably explains why we got on so well.

Armed with this new vision of the world and a much improved knowledge of AS, I purchased a copy of the Aspergirls book by Rudy Simone, had a quick read of it myself before posting it away to the girl in question. Enclosed along with some nice tea and some dried lavender was a hand-written letter explaining why I had sent her the book, the fact that we are not completely different from each other and asking if she could please come back. Whilst some may disagree with this strategy, I figured and still do that it was my one and only chance to trigger at least some sort of a reaction from her. From what I have read on here, receiving a clue as to what may explain one's tribulations with the world for the majority of one's life (she is mid-thirties) is often perceived as being something positive. If she was already conscient of her AS she would perhaps appreciate the fact that I now understood her a little better. Maybe.

Normally the parcel would have reached her in the last few days. Whether or not she opened it or threw it directly in a bin is another question. She is a kind and gentle girl who would never hurt anybody, but she may be a very disciplined bridge burner.

I suppose it is a difficult question to ask, but what are the odds that she will respond?

I wouldn't get your hopes up......Regardless of any potential neurological condition, it sounds to me like she made her feelings pretty clear.

A) There no such thing as an AS/NT hybrid.

B) "No reply" + "No reply" = Quit wasting your time and emotional energy lamenting and move on.

Thanks for the feedback.

Perhaps, but I don't agree she made her feelings clear. What she made clear and I misinterpreted was that she doesn't feel she is capable of loving. Then again she certainly went several 1000s of km out of her way and comfort zone to give it a shot it would seem. It's plausible that she has had a massive change of heart, but I think it is more plausible that she is filthy that she made such a large effort and I didn't understand her and her difficulties.

Nice persistence poster, but I think it applies more to NTs than ASs. Persistence and patience are constantly cited on this site as key qualities to possess in AS relationships, moreso at the very start I would imagine. Persistence is very important in achieving any real accomplishments in life. Of course one has to make sure they stay on the right side of the fine line between persistence and obsession.

I agree, the more you try to contact her the more annoyed she'll likely become. If she really wants to get back in touch with you she'll do it on her own.

In my opinion, slim, and none. Please take her at her word. Any further persistence is bullying.

none.

None. You should leave her alone. Your behaviour is already harassment.

She said she wasn't interested. End of.

i agree. persistence is a good trait but not in the romantic area. women are very put off by that much of it.

^Not always! It depends how you persist.

For the OP: you didn't meet her exceptions.

Online =/= Real life.

I've met some girls who sounded soooo into me before when I knew them just online but once they meet me for real they lose interest.

What was said during your time together on that Island in Europe and in Italy?

I think this is a question only you could answer, because we don't know the details to have an informed opinion. It could be for a number of reasons that she has told you she cannot address your feelings the way you expect. She might be committed to someone else? She might just have been looking for some no strings fun? If your gut instinct tells you there is a chance, then follow it. But it is good advice to hear what other men her have mentioned. Some women are bitchy enough to consider you are harassing them, even if you are not being rude or intrusive.

I know it's hard, but try not to contact her again, unless she contacts you. I think your gesture of sending that book, tea, and lavender with a hand written note is very sweet. I would be touched. Even if I wasn't interested in you anymore, I would still be polite enough to thank you.

Good luck.