Giving up on women?

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I don't know what else to do. I don't really want to give up on women, but I see little other option, being 30 and clueless with women; never had any kind of relationship (not for lack of wanting one). Let's be realistic, no one is going to give a guy in some of our positions here, a chance. Coping with forced celibacy in my 30s will be far worse than it ever was in my twenties. It was hard watching everyone else couple up then, but at least I had some hope I'd meet someone eventually. It's only downhill from here on in. Now everyone's going to be pairing up seriously, and getting married, and having kids around me. I am not sure how much longer I can hold it together.

I don't think you can completely give up. It's hardwired. The desire for closeness and intimacy. Even if your brain is telling you no, your heart is telling you yes. I've felt suicidal at times because of my total failure with women, and my inability to get any kind of closeness.

Anyone else flirted with the notion of giving up entirely?

That was me last year when I was 29 - early 30.

We can't be THAT hard to understand and engage with....

Or are we?

^Unfortunately, Esther, some of us can know all the right things to say and do and STILL end up being screwed with the opposite sex.

Yeah I'm not 30 years old yet but I'm calling it quits, mainly because nothing I try or do or say is ever good enough. It's worked so far though, so I'll keep doing what I'm doing, and just focus on gaming and work.

Not sure what you mean by "our positions;" being a woman, I guess I can't. As an Aspie I find I see lots of people I would give a chance to, but it's so hard to make meaningful contact just out of the blue like that. I think the best thing to do is to explore your own interests and hope to find someone along the path. That way, you have something in common to build on.

What about just taking a step back for a while? Not giving up entirely but focussing more on other interests.

And as Ann said, you might meet someone along the way. Most people I know who are in relationships met someone through work, a class, a hobby... they had something in common, an excuse to meet regularly, an excuse to ask for phone numbers, time to get to know each other slowly before dating. Much less pressure.

Yep, ok my ex girlfriend was the one of coolest woman, I've ever know. She approach me and basicaly ask me.
she control the conversation, and she did not give a crap what society thought. She loved me and didn't really care if I was ''wimp'' or didn't
fit into society (sadly I screwed up and she left me . )
but I very rarely ever meet another woman just like her.

too many women today live in their little bubble. They want men to approach them, they want men to know how to control a conversation.
You talk about one lame thing and ''boom'' the woman hates you. Think every man has to be ''cool'' or ''alpha'' type for them to date.

second problem. adam best bet would to find another shy,aspie women like himself but the problem is that they are always in relationship, are celebacy, or totaly isolated themselves that adam will never meet them.

here how men are. Men will approach women and men are more flexible of who they like. In men dating society 99% women are datable.
In women dating society only 90% of men are datable and 10% are not datable.

Women exclude so many men in their dating pool. Mainly shy and aspie men or any men with social problem. Because many women don't want to put in any effort to form a relationship. They want the men to do everything.

I too have semi giving up on women, to me it's no big deal if I get a gf or not but if I happen to meet a nice and cool lady and she likes me, sure I go for it. But I want to enjoy life and have fun and not worry about all these women and their problems. I like me, If women don't like me, that their problem not mine, Im not insecured.

Yes, I'm afraid you are. Rocket science would be easier than figuring women out. And that's for normal men. For aspie men, it's a nightmare

I don't know about ASD women, but the NTs, especially the female ones, tend to be guided by their emotions. That is why they sometimes seem irrational. And it indeed is a nightmare for aspie men, we are like day and night.

....*hugs Ann2011 then runs away giggling and blushing!!*

It's not exclusive to men. It's not just about the quantity, but also about the quality. I spent 11 years on my own.

I would say it is not true that women will invest no effort. What I would argue is that women don't want to be in a caregiver relationship.

I don't think it's impossible to give up on women. Sometimes though, you have to step back and examine your efforts. What can be done differently?

all due respect ive seen yousay a lot off cute girls liked you marfans and all lol.

I'm getting the same feeling, I don't seem to reciprocate when I should. I don't see these signs or cues. Even if I disclose, they still test me, and then figure I'm not interested when I'm still trying to figure out what just happened.

Awwwww...

Last edited by smudge on 03 Dec 2012, 2:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.