How do I say it without saying it?

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There is this girl at my place.
She is a reliable decent person, has all the qualities of someone raised in a good family.
She has made it obvious that a relationship, or a fling, or a one nighter might not be off the cards with her.
So last night I made a post about feminism denying men's needs on WP.
Then when I get home she comes out of her room and makes it plain in a subtle and indirect way that she wants sex.

So I can only imagine the above mentioned post was cast in the light of the manipulation of a political argument for the purposes of fulfilling a concealed sexual motive of my own, and that ( Leaving aside the obvious incredulity of the following statement ), she is obviously browsing this forum, or in contact with someone who is.

My situation is this; she doesn't turn me on. She has never turned me on and not once have I wanted to have sex with her.
I am at the point in my life where my focus necessarily turns toward inner development.
But I can only guess she is texting every phone in reach that she put it on the table and I didn't take her up, with all of the derogatory and undesirable connotations that seem to get dragged along with that as well.

As I have said, she is essentially a decent and honest person, and has never been disrespectful towards me.
How do I tell her without insulting, lying or being disrespectful to her?

All advice appreciated. No haters or trolls please.

what do you need to tell her? i'm slow on the uptake tonight. If she's made a hint for something that has fallen on deaf ears, then that the subtle 'no' has been said

Did it ever occur to you to say you're busy, and if she comes out and says "it", just don't say it back or say you're not interested?
It's possible to say those things without being rude. Yeah she might feel rejected. Yeah she might say bad things about you if she's really insecure and you reject her. But just be kind and honest about it. If she presses you just say you don't feel for her or see her that way and you like just talking to her.

I had to cut this post 'cause I couldn't say it without swearing.
When I can say it properly, I will re post it.

Last edited by ripped on 12 Feb 2013, 5:20 am, edited 1 time in total.

Hit it anyway. You might like it once you're in the mood! I ended up sleeping with this chick I met at a club and wasn't really attracted to her at all, but it was the middle of a bit of a dry spell so I was like "ehh, what the hell". Once we started getting into it I started liking her a lot more. I'd have never known without taking the chance!

Don't you think she will also read this thread as well?

If you don't want to hurt her feelings, you're doing a poor job.

That's the thing, I'm not sixteen anymore.
As soon as we start rooting, the hormones start telling the brain what to do.
This is a public forum and it is inappropriate to discuss personal reasons beyond a certain point.
But she doesn't turn me on, and I don't want to place myself in a position of trust with her, and I don't get randy enough anymore to shag whenever the opportunity presents.
So its a no.
But then seeing as its a no I have to cop the 'maybe he's a fag' BS.
And no matter what the cause of that, its an absolute killer. An act of spite.

Last edited by ripped on 12 Feb 2013, 6:18 am, edited 1 time in total.

Ah MCalavera, your advice is always welcome I can assure you.

If the things I am writing on this forum are causes for her behavior toward me, and she doesn't say so, then I am suspicious and nothing else, because it is being kept a secret.

*Avoid her
*Change the subject
*Act like you're completely oblivious to her presence and when she says something pause for a second, look at her and then say ''sorry what? I just totally vagued out'' (note could be dangerous if she actually repeats herself knowing she has your full attention)
*Talk about a girl you're into[a lot] mention how hot she is, ask her the best way to ask her out (if you're not interested in anyone, make someone up)
*Itch your balls a lot and imply you have something wrong 'down there'
*Try not to ever be alone in her company and if that's not possible ...
*Go stay somewhere else for a while and/or move

leave the toilet seat up
call the cops for sexual harrassment

tell her about autistic asexuality
she may want to 'save' you more

get drunk together

If you have not tried sitting her down and asking her what is up, so that you know what exactly is going on and she has spoken aloud [1] what she thinks is up, that might be step 1.

If... she is the sort to deflect this kind of situation and play mind games... you may have a deeper problem. Like, a roommate you can not trust to be reasonably honest with a situation which affects you, right in your own home. And therefore perhaps someone whom you might have to evict sooner or later.

[1] Subject to her being a relatively honest, forthright person who doesn't prefer to play mind games. I don't know the lass so I can only provide this warning.

"I don't want to ruin our friendship."

You must be giving her very mixed signals if she's actively asking for sex!

People only tend to do things like that when they've been given some kind of green light

Are you sure she actually was asking for sex?

What did she say exactly?

Kiwis shag their house mates all the time.
Doesnt pay to screw the crew tho

She is a great chick.
In her prime she would have been one of the hottest birds around make no mistake.
She has all of the good qualities and guy could want in a relationship, friendship, fling whatever.
If I had met her in a pub or a club, I would have had to been prepared to do a lot of work to get her.
She is plenty good enough for the younger or more virile guys.
There is nothing bad I can say about the qualities she exhibits, or the attitude she embraces.
So I don't want my inability to get it up at even the thought of her, to reflect badly on her, because that is not her fault, right?
My situation is I have got an unreliable libido.
My rooting days are as good as over.

Now it takes what I feel inside as well as what I see outside.
When that connection happens inside again, then I'll be ready to put whatever it takes on the line again.
Unfortunately I don't feel that with this girl, and here it is prudent to repeat: that is not her fault.

Sage advice friend.