with or without the love

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If someone told you they were in love with you, and you weren't sure if you were too, and thought you weren't, would you continue in that relationship, and wait for those feelings to arrive? Or you would be honest and tell them you don't feel the same way, but you would still give it a try?

Is she educated, fertile, fit, healthy, intelligent, sane, single, wealthy, and a virgin?

I would not let a relationship occur if I did not have any romantic interest in the first place. Doing it the other way around feels to me like lying, both to the other person as well as myself. Have already tried it once and regret it.

I would probably not continue the relationship IMO. I haven't been in love and would honestly tell the person how I feel and if it is not a two way street then I feel the relationship is not going anywhere for me. Let the person know how you truly feel.

In my personal experience, my partner said they loved me before we started dating - although they were drunk at the time - and I did not feel in love with them when they said it. However, we started a relationship, and sometime into it I realise that I had 'fallen' in love with them. I was honest with them for the start though, when they said they loved me, I said 'it's much to early to say a thing like that', but as I liked them as a person I embarked upon the relationship.

My ex partner said they loved me before we started dating, I did not reciprocate, I never reciprocated, we broke up. I also sincerely doubt they loved me, but that's probably a story for a different thread.

So, it could go either way I suppose, but the most important factor from my experience is how reasonable and understanding the other person is.

Last edited by FalsettoTesla on 23 Dec 2012, 3:18 am, edited 1 time in total.

I've tried it twice.

It. Does. Not . Work.

And everyone else I have spoken to before I did that who has been in similar situations has said the exact same thing.

P.s. I was talking about people I know IRL

Last edited by Kjas on 23 Dec 2012, 3:26 am, edited 1 time in total.

Can and has worked, see above post. My partner and I have been together for two and a half years now, we're very happy. I don't think people necessarily have to fall in love with each other at the same time for it to work out.

Although obviously I'm not saying "Yes! Always works!", but I don't think you can say the opposite either.

I'd stay since I'd wind up loving the person anyway. That's just how I am. If I have enough of a connection to be in a relationship, especially a sexual relationship, with a person, then chances are I already have some feelings for the person beyond simply "liking" them. Unfortunately not everyone is as patient as I am. But see, I'd rather have a relationship founded on mutual like, and respect, even if we weren't "In love" with each other.. I just want to be with some one who understands me and accepts me for who I am. If they love me, that's icing on the cake, I just don't want to be with some one who won't understand when I have a Meltdown or a panic attack.

I find it odd someone just coming out of the blue, staring at you without blinking and breathing, "I... love.... you..."
...but then again, that might not be what's happening to you.

He loves you... do you like him at all? Enjoy his company? Spend any time with him? Shared any intimacy? ...and can you imagine doing any of those things with him?

If so, you might want to consider it... good people are hard to come by! Initial sexual attraction is nice, but not the end of the story.

It doesn't always work though... there are two women I've known recently, one off OKCupid and another that's a friend. The OKC woman and I chatted for months and enjoyed flirting... when she came into town we usually met up for dinner. Unfortunately, there was very little or no physical attraction because she was much, MUCH heavier than her pictures indicated. She was such a good person, I have it a try but I just could NOT summon any physical attraction for her. Visiting her home and seeing the garbage can beside the bed stuffed with chocolate and cheese wrappers was the final nail - she was almost 400 lbs and only going to get bigger with the way she was eating.

The local gal is a super friend and I enjoy her company but there's zero chemistry or physical attraction. She's a great person and a wonderful friend, but I found her physically unattractive (both clothed and naked.) I couldn't force something impossible... square peg, round hole.


If you try it, just be sure he doesn't think you're madly in love with him, too!
Good luck!

BlueMax, at least it's because you didn't find her attractive at all. It seems like with many girls, it's a bit more different. They may be attracted to the guy and find him decent and caring and all that, but apparently it's still not enough to be in a relationship with him. God knows what such girls want.

Thanks for all your comments. Very interesting ones, I may add.

BlueMax, I am not in such a situation now, I am just going through hypothetical possible situations/scenarios. Because I doubt two people can fall in love exactly at the same time, but when they share intimacy and friendship and one of them advances to the Love zone, I couldn't be sure if that would make things awkward for the other one or not, and wanted some opinions in general.

I think that as an example, say I fell in love with someone, and they knew about it, and we were in a relationship, but they didn't say it back to me, I would probably assume that if they stayed, that would mean they were not put off by my love, and or that they could possibly be falling in love with me too, or saw it as a possibility.

We are all different and this is why it's so captivating to hear other people's opinions and stories.

Pretty sure i cant feel love at all - but i can get attached if thats any help !

Entek, I thin being attached or being in love, has to be the same thing?

id tell them i dont feel the same but that id let them know if the feelings came

MHX, but would you stay in the relationship, right? That's my question. If you knew she loved you, and you didn't love her, surely by staying, you were admitting love as a possibility? That's how I see it too.

I think it would depend on the situation. If someone says they love you, but you don't entirely feel the same...but still enjoy their company, care about them, and are treated respectfully, then I'd say see what happens. After all love is an emotion that develops over time, it can take a lot of work to reach that point. I think that nowadays, many people are looking for magical fireworks and trumpets to go shooting off and the sky to open when they fall in love, but in reality that's not always the case. Not to mention, plenty of people out there don't even really know what love is, and I myself make no claims to know any better than the rest of them .