You realize a girl likes you, now what?

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1manwolfpack
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01 Dec 2012, 7:15 am

Not completely sure, but I think a girl who is studying away with me is giving me some signals. Little compliments here and there, running into each other and making conversation, and talking about hanging out (but i never initiate because of my anxiety ridden self)

Can anyone share their experience in this? Im lost, its hard for me to make friends, whatever friends i have kinda just fell into place, but with a girl i have to proactively initiate any type of relationship we might have.



cakey
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01 Dec 2012, 1:42 pm

I think a first step to to actually initiate the hanging out that you are anxious about. That way, you and the girl can become closer. You can plan to hang out through text if it's hard...and if she is a nice girl, then she shouldn't mind if you seem anxious/shy/nervous. The first time hanging out should make it easier for you to ask her to hang out again. Then just keep hanging out and getting close until you have the confidence to make your relationship closer. But that's if you want a closer relationship.



Entek
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01 Dec 2012, 5:25 pm

Pray she never finds out about your collection of every smurf toy that there has ever been?

Does she know you are Aspie (or whatever you may have, or suspect you have) ?

I have a feeling this will be something that needs to be broached at somepoint or you may exhibit behaviour that gives you away as unusual. Unless you are an adonis like hunk of gorgeousness in which case i read that it doesnt matter. Good luck!



Cjless
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01 Dec 2012, 6:10 pm

Hey 1monwolfpack,

I agree with Cakey on this one. If she likes you she should appreciate you no matter how you initiate your contact with her.

Honestly, I suffer from heaps of anxiety and after lots of practice I’ve learned that the best way to overcome it is by attacking it, and by attacking you anxiety I mean simply ask her when you get the chance. You’ll most likely find great relief from this action.

I completely understand what you are going through; it took me several years to begin to control my anxiety. Now I’m at the point where I enjoy pushing my comfort zone and attacking anxiety head on. I believe you can learn to do the same with time and practice. :D



sbarne3
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01 Dec 2012, 8:54 pm

1manwolfpack wrote:
Not completely sure, but I think a girl who is studying away with me is giving me some signals. Little compliments here and there, running into each other and making conversation, and talking about hanging out (but i never initiate because of my anxiety ridden self)

Can anyone share their experience in this? Im lost, its hard for me to make friends, whatever friends i have kinda just fell into place, but with a girl i have to proactively initiate any type of relationship we might have.

I am in a similar situation with someone at my church. She seems to like to be around me and laughs (hard) anytime I say anything remotely funny, but who knows what that means? Maybe she likes me or maybe she just "gets" my humor.
I think the only thing that you can do is to get to know her better and ultimately if you decide you like her, then you will have to put it out there and see how she responds... it sucks, but it's pretty much the only way.
Like Cjless said, anxiety can be difficult to control. There are no easy fixes... The only advice I can offer is to think less and push through it. It sounds counter intuitive, but we on the spectrum tend to WAY over think things so if you can turn it down a notch that will help.


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Adam82
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01 Dec 2012, 9:20 pm

I pinch myself, and wake up. Nothing that good will ever be true



NAKnight
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01 Dec 2012, 9:58 pm

This continues to give me trouble as well. Girls, especially teenage girls give off incredibly subtle social cues that I still to this day do not understand.
In a dating environment the possibility of miscommunication is incredibly high because she will interpret things that I will not intend to send. That in itself is my major issue.

While I'm with a girl, I will explain to her that there are some things that I do that simply don't make sense. I explain to her it's just who I am. If she's worth anything, she will not complain or leave.


Best Regards,

Jake



DefinitelyKmart
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01 Dec 2012, 11:33 pm

this is quite a confusing statement, but i mean what i say, treat her like your bro friends AT FIRST, like any dude you hang out with (assuming hetero), then after a while make romantic in roads....



DerStadtschutz
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01 Dec 2012, 11:37 pm

Now what, you ask? Well now you find any way that you can possibly ridicule her by posting her conversations/pictures on wrongplanet and reject her. Then you make a thread about how you can't get a girlfriend or get laid in an attempt to get all the wrongplanet members to take pity on you for being a picky douchebag. If you do anything else after realizing a girl likes you, you're doing it terribly wrong.



machf
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02 Dec 2012, 1:30 am

Entek wrote:
Pray she never finds out about your collection of every smurf toy that there has ever been?

A classmate back then in high school had such a collection... I wonder if he's still kept it.



billiscool
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02 Dec 2012, 1:45 am

1manwolfpack wrote:
Not completely sure, but I think a girl who is studying away with me is giving me some signals. Little compliments here and there, running into each other and making conversation, and talking about hanging out (but i never initiate because of my anxiety ridden self)

Can anyone share their experience in this? Im lost, its hard for me to make friends, whatever friends i have kinda just fell into place, but with a girl i have to proactively initiate any type of relationship we might have.

I would just go up and talk to her. she seems to like you.



ComradeKael
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02 Dec 2012, 1:50 am

DerStadtschutz wrote:
Now what, you ask? Well now you find any way that you can possibly ridicule her by posting her conversations/pictures on wrongplanet and reject her. Then you make a thread about how you can't get a girlfriend or get laid in an attempt to get all the wrongplanet members to take pity on you for being a picky douchebag. If you do anything else after realizing a girl likes you, you're doing it terribly wrong.


I see what you did there.



sbarne3
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02 Dec 2012, 8:56 am

ComradeKael wrote:
DerStadtschutz wrote:
Now what, you ask? Well now you find any way that you can possibly ridicule her by posting her conversations/pictures on wrongplanet and reject her. Then you make a thread about how you can't get a girlfriend or get laid in an attempt to get all the wrongplanet members to take pity on you for being a picky douchebag. If you do anything else after realizing a girl likes you, you're doing it terribly wrong.


I see what you did there.

Please don't feed the trolls... :wink:


_________________
AQ score= 37
Aspie score: 143 of 200
NT Score: 63 of 200
EQ=15 (low) SQ=27 (average)
Alexithymia Quiz=128/185 (high)
Enneagram type: 5 ("The Investigator")


WantToHaveALife
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06 Dec 2012, 7:12 pm

1manwolfpack wrote:
Not completely sure, but I think a girl who is studying away with me is giving me some signals. Little compliments here and there, running into each other and making conversation, and talking about hanging out (but i never initiate because of my anxiety ridden self)

Can anyone share their experience in this? Im lost, its hard for me to make friends, whatever friends i have kinda just fell into place, but with a girl i have to proactively initiate any type of relationship we might have.


at least you get signs like that



MariaMosum
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06 Dec 2012, 7:50 pm

Do not jump into conclusion as long as you are not still convince about it.