I Fail Chemistry.com Personality Types

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I read on a different thread in the love and dating section that you've got to find somebody that you have chemistry with. That seemed like a very foreign idea to me, because I've never once felt like anybody was a good fit, and I thought very strongly that the way to make a good relationship was about hard work. That means working hard to satisfy your partner and being open with your feelings so that your partner can do the same, because I always assumed I would fit my partner so poorly that everything would have to be a compromise.

So anyway, I thought maybe I was taking the wrong approach, so I looked up chemistry on google and found chemistry.com. I figured if finding "chemistry" with somebody was the right approach, then chemistry.com would be the right place to look.

It said I was a "Director," and when I read the description I thought that was pretty accurate (I think a lot of autistic people probably fit that). It matched me with a bunch of "Negotiators." I felt really sad when I used it because I emailed about 5 matches that I thought were really great fits and none of them responded. I'm used to being turned down when dating online, but usually at least some people bother to respond, especially the ones who seem to fit me alright. So I unsubscribed and felt kind of sh***y about myself.

Today, just out of curiosity, I looked up a more detailed description of the personality types they use on chemistry, and it turns out "Director" is supposed to be the worst match for all of the other personality types! The only one it wasn't a bad match for was "Negotiator," but that's only because negotiator has no bad matches. They said that testosterone was the leading hormone in a director, but as if just not to sound sexist, they said that there are a lot of female directors too. I got 30 matches and only one of them was a director, and she's an emo 2 years younger than me. It still could not find me any more director types between the ages of 18 and 25 within 50 miles of my location when I specifically told the search engine to look for more girls like her.

Also what I find obnoxious is that it says that "Negotiators" like to try to guess what you're thinking and read into everything you're doing, and I HATE that! There is nothing a woman can do to turn me off more than trying to guess everything. I think part of the reason nobody responded was that I said in my profile that (this quote is from memory), "I expect my partner to tell me immediately and directly if there is an issue. I will not guess, even if I thought I could." Probably that turned off all the negotiator girls, which were 90% of my matches. But I'm not going to change my profile, because I would rather be celibate from now until I die than put up with that kind of s**t.

Now I'm just really frustrated. If chemistry actually works like chemistry.com says it does, then that would explain why nobody fits me. I'm a bad match for everybody except negotiators, but I can't stand negotiators. Actually, the one girlfriend I've ever had that I really liked a lot may have been a negotiator, and her reading more into what I was saying than I meant was probably our biggest issue. The only way we got around it is that she let me know when she though I was being mean, which meant that I was able to correct her interpretation of what I said (which usually meant that her whole interpretation was wrong, because a lot of what I say has no teleological significance).

Total BS - it's impossible for something like this to come out accurate, considering the circumstances.

It's a garble of boxes they're trying to fit people in.

Imagine one of those shape toys where kids put blocks into shapes. They're essentially doing that.

Not only can they not even tell what your block is, it's even four dimensional.

They couldn't tell if it were a pentagon or a parallelogram, so they just stuck it in the extra large size square because it wouldn't get stuck in the edges.

They're trying to put you not in one, but TWO boxes!

Edit: I believe the previous metaphor may have suggested there was something wrong with being four dimensional (There isn't) so I've thought up another one.

A Japanese dude is trying to read a French textbook with an English to Japanese dictionary.

While holding it upside down.

It has to do with how they're reading the information, not the information itself. Their interpretations are far off.

just signed up! thankfully im a builder personality.

i like how it tells you what each match looks for. it really shows how important height is lol. One woman had her height requirement set at 5'7-7'11.

I wouldn't put too much faith in personality tests. They are good for generalizing but often not entirely accurate, particularly for those people who don't fit easily into a check box. I know in high school we had to take a lot of them, and on one it said I was 85% an extrovert and that the best profession for me would be business management. In reality, I'm largely introverted and couldn't see myself doing anything but engineering...particularly not managing a business!

You guys are probably right about the profile matching not being very specific, but I think there is something to this site. The director personality type does fit me pretty well, and I was really impressed with how much I liked the profiles of the first few matches I got, although the next dozen or so were all crap. Usually I have to look a long time before I find profiles that fit me that well. I think it is probably really helpful for rapidly narrowing down search options for most people.

I think if you want help finding dates then you're probably going to have to try to put yourself in some sort of box. It's not like anyone can actually know you.