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MCalavera
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12 Dec 2012, 9:25 am

What's better?

"Let's have a date."

or

"Let's go out and do some fun activities together"

I prefer the second one as the word "date" is too formal and makes it feel like we want to know each other but still keep each other at a distance.

The second suggestion implies that I like her enough to want to have fun moments with her without having to put pressure on her with the word "date".



MXH
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12 Dec 2012, 9:53 am

its still important to let know you are seeking a possible romantic thing with them. otherwise welcome to the friendzone



MCalavera
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12 Dec 2012, 9:56 am

MXH wrote:
its still important to let know you are seeking a possible romantic thing with them. otherwise welcome to the friendzone


True. But that can be handled while you're with her. And I don't think the word "date" helps much.



The_Face_of_Boo
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12 Dec 2012, 10:22 am

No, you should be clear in prior.



minervx
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12 Dec 2012, 10:44 am

The first poster is completely right.

The guys on here that are suggesting you need to use the word "date" when asking someone out (otherwise you are being dishonest), frankly, do not know what they are talking about.

As convenient as having a guy and a girl signing a contract agreement to every last word would be, that's not how courtship works.

Don't even mention it's a date. That adds too much pressure and it takes the fun out of discovering what it is.

Instead of using "go out" or "date" just say,

"Hey, I know a place that has great coffee, wanna join me there this weekend" or something like that.

Instead of saying "do you wanna date", because that just kills the excitement.

If she says "hey, is this gonna be a date", just smile jokingly and say something like "no, it's strictly business".



Last edited by minervx on 12 Dec 2012, 10:48 am, edited 1 time in total.

thewhitrbbit
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12 Dec 2012, 10:46 am

However you ask, just make sure you are indicating romantic interest.



minervx
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12 Dec 2012, 10:54 am

there ways to indicate things without flat out saying them

a.k.a. body language, flirting, tone of voice, etc.



MountainLaurel
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12 Dec 2012, 11:50 am

I thoroughly agree with Minervx on this.

I understand the aspie impulse to call it a date when making the invitation; the desire to get clear spelled-out feedback. The problem is that, in practice, guys with confidence in their ability to seamlessly read feedback, don't say; "Will you come on a date with me to dinner at the Plaza?". I even have a hard time phrasing the invitation including the word date: Would you like to come to dinner with me; as a date? It sounds robotic.

Listen to this: I need to run an errand to the supermarket to shop. It's clumsy; there's no need to state that shopping is an errand.



MrXxx
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12 Dec 2012, 1:37 pm

I hate the word date. I will use it sometimes in context, but I'm always clear about the literal meaning of it.

As in, I've set up a date and time to meet someone and may ask, "So it's a date then?" I'll use the term with both sexes, but with women I'm always clear that it's a date because we've agreed on a "date" (calendar date).

I don't do dates. At least, I don't think of them in the popular sense, and neither do the women I meet with, for whatever reason. That topic is covered by the time I meet with them in any sort of venue popularly thought of as dating environments.


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minervx
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12 Dec 2012, 2:00 pm

MountainLaurel wrote:
I thoroughly agree with Minervx on this.

I understand the aspie impulse to call it a date when making the invitation; the desire to get clear spelled-out feedback. The problem is that, in practice, guys with confidence in their ability to seamlessly read feedback, don't say; "Will you come on a date with me to dinner at the Plaza?". I even have a hard time phrasing the invitation including the word date: Would you like to come to dinner with me; as a date? It sounds robotic.

Listen to this: I need to run an errand to the supermarket to shop. It's clumsy; there's no need to state that shopping is an errand.


Exactly.

Labeling it a date makes you and her living on a label when you two are going out.

Kind of like I don't announce that I'm Aspie, because I don't like living a label.

A better mentality is leaving them without the pressure of "omg its a date, what do i do?", but leaving them with the mystery and curiosity of where it could go.



aspiesandra27
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12 Dec 2012, 3:14 pm

Minervx you said there are ways of showing other than saying. That's all very well, but I am rubbish at understanding things like body language, expressions, etc. So, I need things to be well defined.

Plus, I do like the word "date".

If a guy says: I'd like to go out on a date with you"...I automatically know he is interested in me for more than friendship :)



thewhitrbbit
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12 Dec 2012, 3:20 pm

Good point.

If you do decide to forgo the date label, perhaps trying to be flirty is your best bet.

What you want to avoid is her thinking your just interested in hanging out as friends.



machf
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12 Dec 2012, 3:21 pm

What when your language uses the same word for "date" and "appointment"...?



MrXxx
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12 Dec 2012, 3:41 pm

aspiesandra27 wrote:
Plus, I do like the word "date".

If a guy says: I'd like to go out on a date with you"...I automatically know he is interested in me for more than friendship :)


It's a matter of semantics probably. I hate it because I use it all the time even when I don't [necessarily] mean that, so it can be confusing unless we're both clear about what is really meant.


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12 Dec 2012, 3:54 pm

Date: A mutually-agreed upon occasion when two people seek to determine, initiate, and/or encourage romantic interest in each other.

Going Out: A mutually-agreed upon occasion when two or more people seek to attend an event together as a matter of mutual convenience.

Appointment: A mutually-agreed upon time and place for two or more people to meet.


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MrXxx
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12 Dec 2012, 3:57 pm

That's just it though. Maybe it has something to do with exposure to various cultures. I never know for sure what anyone else means by "date." Sometimes it's the same as appointment. Usually not, but with certain women I can't be sure unless it's clarified.


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I'm not likely to be around much longer. As before when I first signed up here years ago, I'm finding that after a long hiatus, and after only a few days back on here, I'm spending way too much time here again already. So I'm requesting my account be locked, banned or whatever. It's just time. Until then, well, I dunno...