I have never had a boyfriend!

Post Reply New Topic

I am 20 and I have still havn't had a boyfriend.In my class there r girls who are 17 and 19 and have been wit their boyfriend for 2 years.I stupidly told people in my class that I never had a boyfriend and they kind of joked about it saying that they will look for a boyfriend for me in college which hurt because at the time it got my hopes up.I would love to have a boyfriend but I am shy and just get nervous around guys.There was a guy in the choir I go to that I kind of liked but I could never go up to him on my own to talk I always had to go with a friend because I wouldn't know what to say.He has now left the choir because he wants to set up his own choir.I did make an effort and gave him some compliments but it didn't work.Help! Where am i going wrong?

How often do you get asked out? And where do you go to meet guys?

I'm 38 and have never had a REAL boyfriend either, although I've had a couple of mild crushes and like many other female aspies I've been good friends with men. I'm so sick of our singlephobic society and that my not even being interested in having a lover can only mean I have something HORRIBLY wrong with me and it MUST be cured or I'll be MISERABLE and ALONE the rest of my life! I even read that guys who remain single are starting to be labeled as spinsters now. Stupid world.

I have been asked out twice before but I think they were joking.I don't go clubbing or out drinking so that's why it's so hard to find a boyfriend.Any ideas?

I've never had a boyfriend either.

Girl.....
Me either.

I've been asked out once and I'm 21.

What's worse is that everyone says I'm really pretty....EXCEPT the guys....

Don't dispair, there are many of us here in similar situations. There is nothing wrong with you. In fact, you can even be a little proud of the fact that you haven't given into the mob mentality and just gone out with anyone to get the monkey off your back, like countless other people do.

What interests me is why do you think you find yourselves in this situation?

(a) because you are too timid to approach the opposite sex?
(b) because you can't seem to find anyone that really interests or corresponds with you?
(c) you have no interest whatsoever in a relationship?

For myself, it is probably a mix of (a) and (b), but more so (b).

A and B

I don't think this is a requirement.

On a board on a different Aspie website, I once started a thread where people would tell their "success stories". (Do we also have such a thread here, maybe? If not, I should start one.)
The general consensus was:

• They had often known each other for quite some time.
• They directly stated their intentions.

Interestingly, nobody stated that the relationship was initiated by the other person.
I suspect that Aspies don't get asked out so much because they don't have this "I like you" look in their eyes. So they have to initiate themselves.

Also, nobody mentioned meeting his/her partner by clubbing.

Now had a relationship with a woman past first base (kissing), even then it was rare.

Try asking the guy to do something outside of the choir.

I have only gone as far as kissing, but i never had a serious relationship before and I am willing to go out there and hopefully not screw up....

I've had a few girlfriends the past 10 years, but none of my relationships have lasted more than a month, usually because of the girl being insecure and psychotic meltdowns. It would be nice to have a serious relationship without all the drama, but I've grown so accustomed to being single that I feel more comfortable happier to be single than to have someone either trying to change me or being unpleasent all the time.

How well do you hold conversations with the guys you are interested in? Communication is a skill that needs practice like any other and sometimes it can feel uncomfortable or awkward until your own comfort level with the behavior improves. Speaking with a smile on my face and staying positive with the topics helps me keep a tone of voice that is less confrontational and more empathetic. Oh, and never put another person down, it carries a negative tone and is simply divisive socially.

Btw, 20 is an age with a lot of life ahead, no need to sweat anything right now. By 30 you will only speak to a handful of the people you know now. Making mistakes socially will happen, but laugh them off, you are the only person who will remember most of your awkward moments. Plus, everyone (seriously) makes blunders daily, no need to carry the embarrassment longer than it takes to chuckle and reestablish a flow of communication.

I've had only one and that lasted for 13 months. Looking back now, breaking up was the best thing that could have happened.

I've had lots of crushes, though. Actually, I think one of the big reasons I'm still single is because I still carry a torch for a boy I had a crush on in elementary school (this was 24 years ago, by the way), and it really isn't fair for me to be dating a guy when I STILL haven't gotten over my first real crush.

Sheesh. I feel like Severus Snape.

Never had a GF. I am a quarter-cenutry old, on that note.

Ask guys out and I guarantee you'll get a bf.

But you have to handle rejections.

Don't do like those girls who get rejected once and never ask out again because "guys get scary when they're asked out". bs.