Hello. So here's my story,
When I was 15, I had a best friend. She had this boyfriend, lets call him Sam. While he was going out with my best friend, he started to flirt with me, telling me I was beautiful and amazing, and that he'd rather be with me than my best friend. I was lonely and vulnerable at the time, so I told him I liked him too. I know it was terribly selfish of me, but back then I didn't think much of it. So he broke up with her la de da, then went out with me.
Of course, it took a whole for us to both get 'close' but after 3 weeks he started asking for sex. I said 'no, I'm not ready' several times, but he kept asking until I gave up and said yes.
So yes, sure it was great, until he started getting pushy, needy and manipulate to me. Whenever I couldn't meet up with him he would overreact and call me names, asking me if I really loved him. And I did. But this made me hate him at times too. Anyway, me and 'Sam' were on and off for a year or so. After we broke up, I met this guy, lets call him Carl. He was really nice to me about the whole situtation with my ex. I fell in love with this guy. Later on, I found out he had Asperger's syndrome aswell. One day he came over to my house, and I made out with him. Afterwards, he left, then we never really talked about it again. I tried to, but he advoided it. I was really hurt. I thought I should try and get over it though. This year, 2012, in July I went to this 'Foundation Studies' at Polytechnic. It was alright, but then I met this guy, Connor. We couldn't stop staring at each other in our course room, so sooner or later we started talking. It was good to finally have someone to talk to. Not long after, he told me he liked me and was wondering if I could be his. I thought it was sweet, but was still quite hurt so I said we should just be friends. That wasn't long until I couldn't handle myself, he was attractive and kind, and he flirted with me. So I kissed him. And we hung out a few times. I liked him alot. Then things went downhill, I saw how he'd be acting with other girls, flirting and all, and then I realised me and him weren't actually in a relationship. So I asked him several times why we weren't and he just said he needs time. Later on, uh around September/October, he asked me to f**k him. I said "yeah sure, but we're not in a relationship?" he replied "But we haven't really f****d yet" I had this low feeling about him after he said that. I refused the first time, the second time, then I eventually said yes. So I went to this guys house and he seduced me. Later on in the morning we had anal. He came. He got up afterwards and hardly talked to me. So I got dressed as my mother was picking me up, and went home. I got home, and he said he doesn't want me and him to be in a relationship ever, but he wants me to be his f**k buddy. So I was really upset, thinking maybe after we had sex he'd consider me as his girlfriend. I was upset and got mad at him. I was cutting myself at the time bursting into tears, wanting to give up. So he rang the police to my door. They took me in to the hospital because of the cutting, and Connor never talked to me again. I felt like a used toy. Someone came into the picture shortly afterwards, he saved me. He was so caring and supportive about the situation I was going through. Hayden is his name, and I'm in a long distance relationship with him. We're not too far away, but I feel like it's made it harder. I went over to stay with him not long ago for 2 weeks. He had to put up with my ups and down moods. My depression. But most of time me and him would make up and have fun. This guy, he didn't pressure me into anything. We waited a little and I wanted to make love with him. He was so gentle, and lovely. I love him with all my heart. He makes me laugh more than anyone. Lately though, I'm back in my hometown and he's in his. He's been acting very quiet and annoyed, and I can tell its by me. You see, I get jealous easily and overreact alot of the time. I wish I could stop doing this. Last night, I told him I'd give him some space for a day or so. As I feel like I'm frustrating him. He hasn't talked to me yet. It's the morning now, and I know he's awake.
I guess what I'm trying to say here is that, I'm a messed up 17 year old with Aspergers and so many other problems. I wish I could do something so I don't think every guy I meet is going to break my heart. I feel like that. But Hayden, he's the love of my life, and I'd change if I have to. To be honest, if me and him were seperated in any way, I would definitely give up. He's the person keeping me strong and without him, I'm nothing
18 Dec 2012, 4:37 pm
Anyway, as a girl, I have also gone through heartbreak and I learned that you must always keep your guard up when it comes to love. You can't expect the other person to always be by your side, things can happen and they might leave, that's why you have to have love and value for yourself so if they leave, it's not so bad. You can give a person all your heart, but you just have to have it in the back of your mind that it may not always be so happy and that you should always prepare to be fine on your own. Following this, I can be able to move on easily if I set myself to doing that.
