hate girlfriends sister, probably breaking up because of it

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Hey guys, I've just been having a lot of trouble with my girlfriend for awhile now on and off, but mostly its bc of her sister living with us. Lately, her sister hasn't done anything too annoying to me, but just her presence irritates me and it's like living in hell. I feel like I'm being unreasonable bc I can't really say a lot of things specifically she does, it's just that after so long, EVERYTHING about her bothers me. Her voice, the way she looks even, what she eats, and drinks, the way she laughs (high pitched giggle like a little kid, always), just everything. I feel bad afterwards whenever I'm like grumpy around them, but only cause my g/f gets upset. It just seems like without her sister here, things would be possible to fix.

Her sister NEVER has mentioned moving out. I've lived with her for like over a year now, first in an apartment, and now in this house. Shes' lived with her sister for years, though. And the only person who talks about her moving out is me of course. My g/f says "shes mentioned it" before and thinks she'd want to, bc she seems unhappy here. But she doesn't want to. She 'pays her rent' so why would she leave? She lives here too, just like me - her attitude. Also, she's been working full time for years now.

Even without her moving out, I would just like more space. I don't mind her and her sister hanging out some nights, but her sister is usually ALWAYS out in the living room area where we are, and we have a downstairs with another tv, couch, and her room has a tv, plenty of areas. Don't get why shes always around us. ALWAYS. When she gets ready for work, always out where we are, getting ready for hours. Last night we got in a fight bc I got so mad bc her sister was JUST getting ready to leave to go to see this guy she's been 'dating', but it was like, 7 pm and she was just starting to eat dinner, instead of leave or at least give us some space, since I thought we were having a night without her.

There's no problems with money, she pays her share like she always says, but she just is never, ever going to leave it seems like. I HATE feeling like this, like I hate a person so much. I don't like hating anyone, I don't really hate anyone usually just dislike, but its gotten to the point where, yes, I hate her. I can't help it. Before for awhile I was just depressed and kinda grumpy around her, but now it's like im very angry. It's almost like I'm the roommate, and they are the best friends in the house. She always says you'll always have to deal with someones family, but its different when you live with them. If it was just that her sister visited, it would be like amazingly better. The only reason she does give us space (leave the house other than work) is bc she knows we fight about it. Otherwise, she'd NEVER give us space. She doesn't do it on her own. Idk, it sucks all around.
She just like, bugs me. We just really really clash, me and her sister. I can't stand her always a victim attitude. Also, any guy she dates, she doesn't like, cause he doesn't treat her good enough. Then again, she dates ANY guy that she sees. Then wonders why none of them work out. She sits around the house, all day, watches tv, and drinks wine, all day.

Whatever she tries to play, she plays it well.

I'm sure she's THE expert in ulterior motives.

Maybe say something to your girlfriend like:

'This is an in-law situation, with no end in sight. Of course it bothers me. Yes, I do feel way cramped all the time.'

I think they've done studies like for wintering in Antartica and the possibility of Mars missions and the prospect of being trapped with another human being, for a long period, what emotionally feels like no end in sight, is enough to drive anyone three quarters crazy!

And your situation is more than merely emotionally feels like. The sister is camped out, has followed you and your girlfriend from one place to another. It really is, no end in sight.

Terming it 'in-law situation' in your discussions with your girlfriend might help.

Maybe there's only a 20% chance of your relationship being saved, but take that 20% chance. And take time for yourself and the things you enjoy doing by yourself, and also the things you enjoy doing with your girlfriend outside the house. And yes, the sister talking about giving the two of you a night off and then just starting to get ready at 7, yeah, that kind of stuff would bother me a lot, too. Of course it would.

Maybe temporary breaks, like you visiting a relative for a weekend would help some, will give a break and a respite. The more longterm solution, your girlfriend has to come round, in her own time frame, and understand that this is not a viable living situation.

Why don't you and your girlfriend get your own place?

Thanks a lot guys. That advice above definitely helped me, a lot of times I just feel like I'm being such an as*hole, and feel so alienated but its nice to hear that it would annoy you too. I did talk to her about it calmer, and she did agree, and then the one night, saturday I think, her sister left us alone like almost all night, and hung out in her room. But then she came out a little later, and like, guilt tripped her sister by saying "im going for a walk cause it's better than just being locked in my room" which pissed me off SOOO much. I then said very harsh things like 'shes evil' and 'terrible' and that really bothered her, even though it seemed like she agreed that it was f*****g annoying of her. Anyway, that night was actually pretty good, because I did invite her out to watch this movie with us, and it just was pretty fun even. But then the next day, her sister did the same thing as usual as in getting ready out where we are and just sitting there, which annoyed me and I was pretty grumpy. I realized after I was being rude though, but we still got into a huge fight cause of it and did the usual 'lets break up' thing. We basically had an awful sunday. Then monday and tuesday was better, esp yesterday. But her sister was at their parents for monday and tuesday so it was great. Honestly, im miserable when shes here, but im TOO unhappy and grumpy, even when I know she'll leave for work or whatever so I should calm down and deal with it.

Also, we can't just get our own place, this is my girlfriends house, and actually her sister AND me are just living here paying a portion of the mortgage. We aren't married or anything which is good. I thought things were gonna actually maybe work out after saturday since we were left alone all day, but obviously not since her sister needs to like attach herself to her sister always and cant be 'locked in her room' when shes here. It's just awful. I think if her sister could do that though, and eventually find some guy and move out (shes dating now), it could work out but it's just working out right now.

Your options are break up or learn to live with it, sadly. Have tou sat them both down and had a serious talk about how you feel? If your gf doesnt feel like she needs more space maybe you arent compatible.

Are you sure your attitude is not the issue here? Have you always felt this way?

Have you attempted to forge an objective friendship with your roomate or have always treated her as an obsticle to your contentment?

You say you're feeling cramped but sounds to me like you've got enough space (an upstairs and downstairs living room) that there are plenty of places for you to go when she's getting on your nerves. Seems a bit like you're being overly territorial and acting a bit entitled.

If you were engaged and planning to get married, you might be able to make this argument better but as it stands it doesn't seem like you have any more right to be there than she does.

Maybe changing your outlook and reframing things would be a good thing.

Also, it is a flatmate situation, not a hanger on in a house a married couple own. Its really not upto you, and your only option is to leave if you hate the flat.

What an interesting situation. I'm sorry it's causing you so much unhappiness.

Have you tried talking to your girlfriend about it when you're not angry? That can make all the difference, I've found. I have trouble reasoning with anyone when I'm actively angry.

I'm curious. You say the sister sits around the house all day, but she also pays her share of the money? Does she share in the rent, utilities and groceries? Do you all share equally in the housework? How does she manage to do all that without a job?

These seem to be close sisters. Are they by any chance twins? Because that would present an altogether different problem. Twins can be very close, and might not want to live apart.

Most importantly, how did this start? Did you first move in with your girlfriend, or did she move in with you, or did you all move in together at the same time? Was there some agreement up front about who would live there, any setting of boundaries and rights to privacy, things like that? Or some agreement as to how long you'd all live together?

I can see living with in-laws working if all parties agree to the situation, in fact I shared a place with my sister and her first husband for a while, but it was an up-front agreement when we all moved into the place, which I found, and even that didn't work out when he started trying to regulate my visitors but had his own druggie friends over at all hours.

But to feel as if you've been sucked into this against your choice, well that would upset me too. I like my privacy, and while I choose to live with my spouse now, I don't choose to live with any of his family and likely never would. Maybe in an emergency, for a limited time, but not indefinitely. I can see how it puts a strain on your relationship.

But in any case, if you really want to save the relationship, you'll have to have a heart to heart talk with your girlfriend. Lay it out on the table. Let her know that this arrangement isn't working for you, and if she agrees to living separately from her sister, then set a goal of having your own place by a certain date. Let her know that otherwise it just isn't working for you.

The other alternative is, of course, for you to overcome your negative feelings about the situation somehow. Maybe some agreement as to shared space and time alone would help in that case.

You should get your own place. Then your girlfriend could visit you there when she wants to spend time with you, and you wouldn't have to break up.

Also, it is a flatmate situation, not a hanger on in a house a married couple own. Its really not upto you, and your only option is to leave if you hate the flat.

Well considering she is paying rent she doesn't really have any less of a right to the main living room than you and your girlfriend so I can see why it bothered her i'd feel rather trapped if I was told to stay out of the main living room to, though in my case its partially because I have to walk through there to get to the kitchen and outside...Could you and your girlfriend go in your room or use the t.v downstairs if you specifically want alone time? Also if they have been living together for years and are ok with that and you're the new person living there why should her sister move out unless she wants to? Does your girlfriend want her to move?

It sounds annoying but if she's dating someone now, there is the possibility that she'll eventually leave. That could take years, however, so you have to decide whether or not staying with your girlfriend is worth dealing with the stress of the sister.

The other option, of course, is to try to make more of an effort to get along with the sister and eventually tell your girlfriend you want to live alone with her.

Honestly, the whole situation of a couple living with another person generally is awkward for everyone. I wouldn't ever want to do it.

this whole situation sounds terrible. You sound like the accessory in this story. I don't think one can ever adapt to this, if you need your space and she will always need to be clingy to her immediate family, instead of the family that is you and your GF (but like some mention here, you aren't married but this will keep happening even after you get married). She will always prioritise her immediate family first. She needs to realise this. I know it sounds selfish, but you also have needs and she is sharing your time, with her sister. This will cause jealousy, that is what I think is currently happening here. If you cannot deal with the little time you will ever have, then I would say your first thoughts on bailing is correct.

But you need to talk about this more to your GF, then make a mutual decision for the future.