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Made it through the first date... Now what?

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sbarne3
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19 Dec 2012, 6:32 pm

Ok as some of you may know I have been emailing someone off and on for about a month and we finally decided to meet.
So Monday afternoon we met for coffee (tea and soda actually as neither of us like coffee) and then wandered around in a bookstore afterwards.
Both of us are introverts so I'll just say it... there was a LOT of awkward silence. Being able to walk around the bookstore helped some, but I really felt like we didn't connect. We really don't have much in common other than a few movies we both like and the fact that neither of us have any relationship experience. She is in to art, biology, the outdoors, gaming, and sci-fi/fantasy. I am into computers, music, drama/comedy, I know nothing about art or biology, I don't really like the outdoors, and I only tolerate gaming and sci-fi.
I hate asian food and love tex-mex and pretty much anything with cheese in it. Her favorite food is asian, she hates tex-mex and is lactose intolerant.
I emailed her the next day. Here's what I said...

Quote:
Hi xxxxxx,

I just wanted to send you a quick note to let you know that I enjoyed our meeting yesterday (despite my nervousness). Hopefully you did as well.
I wish that I could have been better at finding things to talk about, but perhaps it will just take more practice.
Anyway, if you are interested in trying again, then lets talk again after Christmas and figure out something we can do. If you're not interested, then I will understand.
Either way, I truly hope you have a wonderful Christmas.

yyyyy

We have both mentioned that we like to be direct about things so I figured this was the best approach.
Today I received this email from her
Quote:
Hi yyyyy,

I enjoyed meeting you too. I didn't do any better at finding things to talk about. Yes we can do something after Christmas.


Have a good Christmas too!
xxxxxx


So I think things are looking ok, but I am wondering... where do we go from here? Does anyone think we are trying too hard to force things to work or do you think we are on the right track? Anyone have any good ideas for a second date? I want it to be something where we can both just relax and have fun.


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wtfid2
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19 Dec 2012, 6:37 pm

if you dont like her why the hell are you leading her on?


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sbarne3
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19 Dec 2012, 6:43 pm

wtfid2 wrote:
if you dont like her why the hell are you leading her on?

I think you misunderstood what I was trying to say. It's not that I don't like her... I don't know how I feel at this point... it's only been one date.
I am really looking for opinions about whether a successful relationship is possible when you have very little in common... and also 2nd date ideas.
I wouldn't be "leading her on" if I wasn't interested. She is attractive and smart so I want to give this a chance if possible.


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deltafunction
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19 Dec 2012, 7:01 pm

Do stuff that you think that she would be interested in and use your surroundings to bring up conversation topics about her interests. It's polite to make sure that your guest feels comfortable and it gives you a chance to get to know her more. So maybe you could go to an art gallery, a museum or go outdoors for a date.

It's okay if you don't know much about it - you can let her be the expert and inform you.



nebrets
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19 Dec 2012, 9:41 pm

What do talk about when you email each other?

Try to have a list (if needed written up on paper) of similar type topics. Find some nerdy stuff. Art and music and drama have commonalities that can be used. So do video games and computers. The first date is really hard as you feel awkward and are not sure about how to behave around each other. It may help if both of you took time to learn about the areas the other is interested.

Good luck.


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kirostun
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19 Dec 2012, 10:50 pm

Once I heard someone said that when people like different things its better because you ask the other about those things you don't know.
You have something to talk about, while people with the same interest, its boring because they already know the other know.

Something like that, i don't know. xD.
I'm just trying to repeat what that guy said. Maybe that would help.



sbarne3
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20 Dec 2012, 10:35 am

thanks everyone for the replies... they are helpful


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AQ score= 37
Aspie score: 143 of 200
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EQ=15 (low) SQ=27 (average)
Alexithymia Quiz=128/185 (high)
Enneagram type: 5 ("The Investigator")