Trying to get into a relationship

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yellowlab
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20 Dec 2012, 3:47 pm

Hey everyone I'm Andrew from Indiana I'm a 24 year old Aspie. I hope this does not sound weird but I'm not going to try and put myself into the dating world and I was wonderfing if any fellow Aspies on here are in a serious relationship and I was wondering is it challenging? and is it worth it? I'm now very open to it in fack I have some eyes on some girls just worried that they might be out of my League and I might not be good enough for them :( . I hope all is having a Great day.



Jasmine90
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20 Dec 2012, 4:24 pm

Well it's not about going to the grocery store and finding a nice looking loaf of bread, then buying it.
I've always found it's good to have a foundation in a relationship, which for me is usually friendship that I would want to build up from.

I couldn't just go out into the world expecting to find someone who will date me, no disrespect to those who do, but it seems very forced and unnatural. Even though, technically, that's how many species find a mate. Usually solely for the purpose of procreation, of course, which isn't something I'm all that interested in.

If you want a good, sturdy relationship where you are happy, and s/he is also happy then you want to find compatibility, since that is often what makes friendship and intimacy work well together.
Honesty is a big thing, as well as discovering things you may not like about that person, and if you can happily co-exist in a relationship with them knowing that you will be unable to change certain things.

One thing I can't stand is when men or women think their relationship will become stronger, or more ideal if the other person can be 'refined' to their liking. It's not like that at all, having unrealistic expectations can quickly drive a relationship head first off a very steep cliff, maximizing the damage caused by ones selfish intentions. You can't change people.

I think it's worth it if both parties work hard at their relationship. While it's fun being in that warm honey-moon stage where you're sure it's love and everything is perfect, once you screw your head back on, there are going to be rough spots, which I think is normal for any healthy, mature relationship. It is a matter of how you respond to situations, and whether or not you are both able to contribute a reasonable amount of effort towards resolving any issues. Relationships that are one-sided aren't healthy, you need to both be present for something like that to work, since a relationship is TWO people, not one person steering the ship while the other sleeps in the cabin for the duration of the trip.

That's just my 2c, I'm sure you'll get a fair variety of views on this subject, since it's different for most people.



lonelyguy
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20 Dec 2012, 4:32 pm

Jasmine90 wrote:
Well it's not about going to the grocery store and finding a nice looking loaf of bread, then buying it.
I've always found it's good to have a foundation in a relationship, which for me is usually friendship that I would want to build up from.

I couldn't just go out into the world expecting to find someone who will date me, no disrespect to those who do, but it seems very forced and unnatural. Even though, technically, that's how many species find a mate. Usually solely for the purpose of procreation, of course, which isn't something I'm all that interested in.

If you want a good, sturdy relationship where you are happy, and s/he is also happy then you want to find compatibility, since that is often what makes friendship and intimacy work well together.
Honesty is a big thing, as well as discovering things you may not like about that person, and if you can happily co-exist in a relationship with them knowing that you will be unable to change certain things.

One thing I can't stand is when men or women think their relationship will become stronger, or more ideal if the other person can be 'refined' to their liking. It's not like that at all, having unrealistic expectations can quickly drive a relationship head first off a very steep cliff, maximizing the damage caused by ones selfish intentions. You can't change people.

I think it's worth it if both parties work hard at their relationship. While it's fun being in that warm honey-moon stage where you're sure it's love and everything is perfect, once you screw your head back on, there are going to be rough spots, which I think is normal for any healthy, mature relationship. It is a matter of how you respond to situations, and whether or not you are both able to contribute a reasonable amount of effort towards resolving any issues. Relationships that are one-sided aren't healthy, you need to both be present for something like that to work, since a relationship is TWO people, not one person steering the ship while the other sleeps in the cabin for the duration of the trip.

That's just my 2c, I'm sure you'll get a fair variety of views on this subject, since it's different for most people.


would agree100%



TallyMan
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20 Dec 2012, 4:38 pm

(Thread moved from Autism discussion to L&D)


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