Going on my first real date tomorrow. Any tips?

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Hi all and happy new year!

Well, here's the story:

This girl and I were in the same class this past semester in university. We had the unfortunate circumstance of having a very incompetent professor teaching our class and the girl in question started to rally support among our classmates to lodge an official protest to the department chair. Long story short, I also got involved in this effort in a big way; I wrote about a 6 page exposé to the department highlighting the shortcomings of the professor and listing our grievances as well as accompanied this girl to several meetings with the department chair.

One day in particular, our professor personally insulted the girl and after class, she burst into tears. I stayed with her and did my best to comfort her; it was only right of me to do so, I felt. After this (we had exchanged phone numbers prior to this), this girl started sending me very flirty text messages. I initially played dumb, but I knew exactly what she was doing. Eventually, I decided to be a gentleman and invite her to coffee one day during my break time. That meeting went absolutely horribly. I felt like a blithering idiot, I had no conversational skill whatsoever and I was nervous as hell.

Needless to say, I thought that this would be all over. I did after all blow it for all intents and purposes. However, since then, she has continued to text me and she has explicitly said things like "I've never fallen so hard for somebody, you're so d*mn adorable, I want to kiss you," etc. Having never had a girlfriend before, I'll readily admit that such statements are rather enticing, but at the same time, there are a few red flags that I've raised, and they're all deal-breakers in their own right.

1. The girl is from Colorado, I'm from New Jersey. Although we attend the same university in New Jersey, she will eventually move back to Colorado afterwards.
2. We are total opposites in terms of our life philosophies as well as our political opinions. She's very sensitive and emotional whereas I, being an Aspie, tend to be very stalwart and austere (although I'm very sensitive and compassionate on the inside). She's very liberal and feels like she needs to fix all of the world's problems whether the world wants it or not, I'm very conservative (Libertarian) and feel that people should be allowed to do as they please so long as it doesn't harm others.
3. This is very selfish of me to say, but I'm not sold on her. First of all, any guy, AS or not, is going to pay attention to looks. To put it bluntly, her body isn't bad, but her face is homely. Secondly, and much more importantly to me, I have serious doubts as to our compatibility in terms of personality due to the thing I mentioned in point 2.

She really seems into me, I have reservations. I want to like her, but at the same time, I truly feel as if I already know how this ends. The biggest factor is the simple fact that we live so incredibly far from each other. I want to give her a fair shot and experience something like this for the first time in my life, but at the same time, I don't want to take advantage of her. We've had several lengthy conversations via text message, but we've never actually met face to face outside of school.

What do you all think?

Thanks!

If I were in your shoes, I would tell her about my (your) reservations. As appealing as the idea of having a girlfriend sounds, there is no point in trying a relationship with somebody you do not like enough. And considering that she clearly likes you, you would be just using her.

However, if she insists and you really want to have a girlfriend just for the sake of it, go ahead (I would still not do it, but we are not talking about me, right?). At least you warned her.

Enjoy yourself.

Worry about everything else later. Let what will happen happen, and don't worry until it does.

It's situations like this where an NT 'bro' would say something like 'dude, just friends with benefits that b****! Screw commitment.' Maybe not, but that's what sitcoms have taught me. I actually think that having these reservations gives you a distinct advantage in looking at everything very reasonably. It also puts you in a position of control in a situation where very few of us get the final say. I think you'll have a substantially better idea as to how to proceed after the date so you'll have to follow this up for us. I was in a similar position before my first and last relationship; the girl was extremely interested in me but I'd hardly paid her any attention. She finally convinced me to go on a date, I had quite a bit of fun and eventually, her feelings for me were wholly reciprocated and we dated for four years. I have no regrets despite a rough ending and I single-handedly attribute my strong finish in high school and a very successful first year of college (before we broke up, WAH) to her support. Without her, I actually think I would have broken down at some point during senior year and destroyed my high GPA.

^This^
You're over-thinking things. She's clearly into you, so give it a chance. Sometimes attraction builds as you get to know the person. And you don't have to agree on everything; just as long as you're both respectful of each other's points of view.

1. Don't be nervous bro. If you it this huge orchestrated event in your mind, you're gonna get your self nervous. Just relax, its no big deal. Tell yourself that. If you keep telling yourself something in your head, you will eventually believe it.


2.Show her that you're a nice, genuine person and see her as a potential friend, not as a potential girlfriend or dating partner. Once she sees that you're a nice genuine person, she will open up to you more.


Oh yah, if you want more advice on how to talk to girls, you have to learn from the master. Check out this video. It will be really helpful

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xkF0HuR-gFw

And OP, as I re-read your original posting, it did dawn on me how different you two are (political views, geography), and those differences are pretty significant. And you know what? Great! You can go into this thing not worrying, because likely after an evening's conversation, she may realize as well as you that your differences are too great.

So you can go in relieved. You probably aren't meant to be. Just be nice, be open about who you are, and she may realize her infatuation is only skin deep, and you can both part as friends.

That's what dating should be after all, just getting to know one another, and building upon things. Where things get frustrating is often people place too much emphasis on it, and if SPARKS don't happen, and he's not prince charming, they never return phone calls or anything. Real lasting love is learned. Learning to love the faults in your partner, love their quirks, knowing everything about them, and that takes time.

So again, go in ready to have a good time with a friend, enjoy the meal, and have fun. Remember to have fun. Did I forget to say, HAVE FUN?

Thanks to all for your great feedback so far!

I'll definitely put up a post-mortem analysis tomorrow.

So OP, how'd things swing out?

If you don't give it a shot how will you know if it won't work?

Well, today went extremely well!

I met her at her apartment, we grabbed lunch, we went back up to her apartment, played some board games, sat on her couch and talked, and eventually, she just flat out said, "I really want to kiss you." So, within a couple of minutes, I had my first kiss, and then several more followed.


I'll take any specific questions that you all may have. For those of you who haven't experienced something like this, (I was still one of you yesterday), I have to say that it's an amazing feeling, something that truly cannot be put into words accurately. It literally sends your brain into a state of total chaos whilst also being unbelievably serene and calm. I'm mildly synasthetic, and I kept seeing a hot pink color immediately after we kissed. Not sure if that helps anyone.

Anyway, again, I'll entertain any questions that you might have. I think these experiences need to be shared in a detailed a manner as possible so that us ASD's can get a realistic and accurate idea of what to expect.

Congratulations!

Today's lesson: never talk yourself out of potential happiness.

Thanks, JBlitzen!

And yes, I nearly talked myself out of this on a number of occasions, but I just had a little voice in my head that kept saying, "Go on, be brave. You don't quite know what this is yet." I'm very glad I listened!

Yeah, it looks like I still have a lot to learn.

To be fair, I never had a real opportunity like the OP had (I had one or two opportunities before, but they were too subtle for me to realize until it was too late). But that does not change the fact that I advised him to turn down the date, which was a very dickish (unintentionally, though) move on my part. No wonder I am the self-proclaimed "Most Undesirable Man in the World".

And Bill92, congratulations. Did you solve your compatibility issues with her?

Magnus Rex,

No, in fact, we're talking about just what we want to be to each other right now. Both she and I are sort of conflicted right now. I feel like we both moved a little too fast, but I'm still happy that I've had this opportunity so far. I'm just trying to tell her that I'll listen to her and be content with whatever solution we reach, even if it means that we don't have a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. I just hope she believes me!