I'm in a pretty unconventional situation at the moment... If I've ever had a celebrity crush in my life, it's a certain A-lister in my country who I also happened to meet a couple of weeks ago at a charity ball. After building enough courage to go and say "hi" to him, I was pretty blown away when he actually started flirting with me and ended up giving me his number. I can still recall when back in high school, just seeing a picture of this disturbingly handsome man was enough make my heart beat rapidly and my face turn red. I sent him a text a day later which quickly led to intense exchange of around 80 very flirtatious texts and an invitation to his hotel room in the upcoming weekend... It had already been quite obvious from the text number three that he was only after one thing and I got to admit that my initial excitement had turned to nausea for a moment (he had seemed like a person I'd genuinely like to get to know better). I chose to carry on, however, and try to regard the whole event as what probably would end up being one wonderful night before waking up back to reality.
After the rules about discretion had been made very clear we had a very hush meeting at his hotel room. Quite honestly, for the most part, it was simply heavenly... We spend three to four hours being intimate, drinking champagne, in a bubble bath and simply talking and teasing each other. I was left with very mixed feelings, though; Physically he's beyond perfection and is a talented lover (even though he did manage to hurt me as well), but I find it very difficult to decide what to make of his personality; It was pretty clear very soon that any image media has ever portrayed of him is complete rubbish and even though he's very witty and annoyingly charming, I find a lot of the things he says of himself, his acts and other people very disturbing (especially about his past adventures with women, though I can't claim to be a saint in that front either). Then again, this man has very recently ended a serious long-term relationship after a great many years. Perhaps he wants to re-establish himself as a ladies man. Overall we had wonderful chemistry with no awkward moments, though.
Right now I feel quite confused about everything... I know that it all actually happened because I still have the texts and we are still in touch through them (though less intensely) and have talked about meeting again. What I've been wondering is that will I only get myself burned, if I stay in touch with him? There's also a risk that the media finds out at some point and it's an utterly intolerable idea for me to get into some gossip magazine. The idea of actual dating seems to be out, it's completely wrong time in his life even to consider that I believe. It's annoying how much I've been thinking about him since last meeting him, even if I think I probably shouldn't even like him. He's like a mystery that I'm akin to solve and having secretly fantasized over him since my high school years makes it slightly difficult to me to not have some emotional attachment to him even though the reasoning behind it feels so ridiculous.
Then again, there is already another man that I have gotten close to in the past months, but we both know all too well that starting a relationship would be very difficult because of the distance we share. I will be travelling to meet him within weeks, though.
My mind has felt like a complete mess in the past week and I'm not completely sure I even understand what the biggest problem is... *sigh*
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It's not the sinful, but the stupid who are our shame - Oscar Wilde