spouse or partner blaming you (me)

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My wife doesn't tell me something that's going to happen and brings it up the day before and tells me she's told me a couple of times and expects me to adapt somehow at a moment's notice. I'll say that she never mentioned it to me and she'll get upset with me criticizing my memory or that I'm not paying attention.

Same thing happens when we're out for a drive and I'll ask, "where does that road go?" She'll tell me that we've been down there before. I know we haven't.

How do I deal with this?

I went through this same thing... she would tell everyone else something and get mad that somehow I didn't know it too. It seems the "normals" might just share information wirelessly and without even speaking... like a hive mind.

It's almost enough to question your sanity! HAVE we actually driven that road? When?? Did I just forget? Is she lying to me??

Worse, asking for clarification (WHEN did you tell me that story? WHEN did we drive that road?) only gets a hostile reaction instead of an answer.


I can't help, Grue... I have no idea. It defies all logic and my brain rejects the concept. You can ask for clarification when it comes up - maybe you'll have better luck than I.

Bingo. Spot on on all counts!

I may just to grin and bear it.

Sorry you're going through this.

Might sound cynical, but.., ; is she playing mind games with you ?
Either that or its her excersizeing her "control" & a sense of authority over you, for whatever possible underlying reason.

How long has she been like this to you? , & is she like this with other people such as your close family or/& friends ?
If she's only been like this recently , then, I'd be asking myself; has any major changes in our lifestyle happened recently?, (such as changing workplace, family issues, friendships etc).

I'd be inclined to either 'test her' by asking her about something which can be un-deniably proven fact, OR play her at her own game, just go along with it, if she's doing something delibarate to wind you up or question yourself in the way you've described, I would just play along with it, as to see if this irratates her into doing it more blatantly at any & every opportunity,. (if that makes any sense), at least then you know you're not at fault, but then you'd be wondering "why", , so may be a bit of a double edged sword.

She could just be manipulating you. Emotional manipulators will tell you they told you things and then after a while you start second guessing yourself thinking maybe your memory is bad and you can't even remember. But so far you aren't buying what she is telling you but they do keep on insisting they already told you about it. Pretty soon she may start telling you you said this or that and you have no memory of it. Also manipulation.


I don't even know what to tell you how to deal with this.

this isn't necessarily relating to dating but my mum does that a lot, thinks if I get warned about a big event i'll be fine for it, wrong