need help finding confidence in who i am and how i look

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verdo
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28 Dec 2012, 9:24 am

verdo wrote:
Hello everyone! I had a question for the girls here (but guys can chime in too) about how to feel confident in yourself, especially if you're someone like me. I have autism, and it makes me socially awkward, but on top of all that, I'm incredibly incredibly short (I'm 5'5). If i didn't have the social awkwardness, but the shortness itself, that alone would be a huge barrier already, since I know height is the be all and end all for being attractive to many women. My real concern though is that I've let these things really destroy my self confidence. I don't want to have any self pity, but often times it feels like the deck is stacked against me, you know? I just need advice on how I can improve my confidence, and approve my overall package. I posted some links to a few pictures of me, since I would like to get some input on what I could work in the style department, or anything else that comes to mind. I'm fairly average otherwise. Thanks a lot guys!

pic 1

pic 2

pic 3

pic 4



MCalavera
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28 Dec 2012, 9:28 am

You look alright. Why are you lacking in confidence?



verdo
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28 Dec 2012, 9:31 am

MCalavera wrote:
You look alright. Why are you lacking in confidence?


Mainly for the reasons above: my social awkwardness, which is partly caused by my condition, and partly for other reasons, as well as my ridiculously short height



MCalavera
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28 Dec 2012, 9:35 am

I'm around your height. It's not incredibly short. There are lots of girls shorter than you, so it's not so much a deal breaker.

As for social awkwardness, I feel you.



izzeme
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28 Dec 2012, 10:02 am

nothing wrong with how you look, except that your glasses look a little feminine to me.

as for the overall style; i dont know about that, but surely you have a female platonic friend to help you with that



verdo
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28 Dec 2012, 1:42 pm

Im working on the glasses thing. I've used some of my female friends before to get help with this but the results were mixed. Im just looking for tips on how to be confident ,given the issues ive stated. Style is one aspect, but i dont think its enough



BlueMax
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28 Dec 2012, 2:25 pm

You've got an interesting smirk. ;) Most of those shots looked pretty stylish too... I wouldn't have guessed you had a confidence problem from the pictures alone...

And there's lots of girls your height and shorter. I've known many girls only 5' that are way too short for me - perfect for you! :D



MoonTea
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28 Dec 2012, 10:52 pm

Hi, well this is the first time I reply about something but I had to tell you that, first, you are quite, actually very handsome. I think you should loose the prefix before the "being short"thing like incredibly and ridiculously, since you are not, specially short, but this is just my opinion, I am 5'2 and as a girl I dont even think that being 5'2 is very short, so that depends on how you think about it. I understand the confidence part, since its a thing i deal with day by day. But I can tell you, for me, it started with liking myself and then dealing with things day by day. Confidence in the end is a thing you build up. So I would say start there. Many people dont even realize i have aspergers until many years later, when I say something about it, but I gotta say it was a process, so confidence is a state of mind for me. That is my opinion I hope it helps a bit. Sorry about the grammar english is not my first language.



Kjas
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29 Dec 2012, 1:27 am

Dude - nothing wrong with you at all. :lol:

And there are plenty of girls my height (5'0ft), shorter, or a little taller than me who will have no issue with your height. It probably just feels more noticeable to you because you consider it a defect, therefore you notice it more.

Focus on noticing how many girls are 5'5ft or shorter and you can turn that around. ;)

I don't see anything wrong with your style either. Or with your looks.

The only problem you have is confidence apparently.


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verdo
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29 Dec 2012, 1:46 am

Thanks guys. Part of the reason too why i feel this way is due to the amount of times a girl will say I'm not their type, which I translate more as a physical thing, because I don't work on girls who im not connected with personality-wise. It doesn't often help my confidence much when a girl thinks I'm handsome or what not, because that same girl would say im not her type when I ask her out (i mention this because it has actually happened to me once before lol). But I agree that confidence is somthing you have to build on. My problem is that I really don't know where to begin...though a few of the comments already made is a good starting point.

Oh and about the height thing. I think a lot of the reason has to do with the fact that when im at hous parties or what not at college, the guys there are almost always tall/athletic and get much of the attention. Of coarse, ive started to try and meeet women else where, but being at a party, i dont really need an excuse to go up and approah a girl, if you know what i mean. Basically, i just feel like my height makes me a little less desirable when a woman considers her "options" sort of speak



Catharascotia
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29 Dec 2012, 4:15 am

My good friend is 5'0'' and always worried that she'll look ridiculous next to tall guys or that they'll crush her (she's tiny). I'm 5'3'' and would feel weird with a guy much taller than, say, 5'9'', I would date a guy shorter than that if I was otherwise attracted to him and he had a good personality. I don't want to have to tilt my head back to look at him, or have him tower over me.



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29 Dec 2012, 5:10 am

verdo wrote:
Thanks guys. Part of the reason too why i feel this way is due to the amount of times a girl will say I'm not their type


Ohhhhhhyeah. I've heard that one before too. Yuck! :?



Kjas
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29 Dec 2012, 5:50 am

verdo wrote:
Thanks guys. Part of the reason too why i feel this way is due to the amount of times a girl will say I'm not their type, which I translate more as a physical thing, because I don't work on girls who im not connected with personality-wise. It doesn't often help my confidence much when a girl thinks I'm handsome or what not, because that same girl would say im not her type when I ask her out (i mention this because it has actually happened to me once before lol). But I agree that confidence is somthing you have to build on. My problem is that I really don't know where to begin...though a few of the comments already made is a good starting point.

Oh and about the height thing. I think a lot of the reason has to do with the fact that when im at hous parties or what not at college, the guys there are almost always tall/athletic and get much of the attention. Of coarse, ive started to try and meeet women else where, but being at a party, i dont really need an excuse to go up and approah a girl, if you know what i mean. Basically, i just feel like my height makes me a little less desirable when a woman considers her "options" sort of speak


You might think you have a connection with their personality, but that doesn't mean that you are what they are looking for. It says more about them - especially where they are at - than it does about you. It can also be a physical thing too, in which case it's still nothing personal.

Yeah, ok so you go to parties with tall and athletic guys. Are these other guys as smart as you? Witty? Funny? Talented?
Everyone has something going for them in terms of personal qualities. Find what yours is naturally and focus on it, work on it some and polish it up so it's more obvious to everyone else around you.
It will help others notice what you're good at, and you will enjoy being around people more if you're genuinely enjoying yourself, and it will help your confidence too.

The other thing is that when you're not sure where to start, there is always something.
Most of us have a passion or a hobby that we are really into. Something that you enjoy, are good at and put a lot of effort into. A hobby or passion like that is generally a great way to kick start your confidence. Not only is it great to get into something that you enjoy, but it's something others sense and it makes you more attractive to them. And at the end of the night when you go home after another party, you're probably not going to care as much if you have something awesome to look forward to in the morning. It helps keeps it in perspective for you, and keep you positive and upbeat.


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Wolfheart
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29 Dec 2012, 6:03 am

If you are 5'5, you could try elevator soles in boots to make yourself taller, you could probably reach 5'8-5'10. Again 5'5 isn't that short, people expect black people to be tall because of basketball players but 50 cent is 5'8 and so is Mr.Olympia Ronnie Coleman.

Good style, you look better without the glasses. Try some black framed glasses, the one you are wearing look like old man glasses.

I could see you pulling off a Neyo style, this is a good thing to do. Take a photo of someone similar to you that you aspire to be like and focus on having their confidence and style. In your case, it might be someone like Neyo.

Image



Tequila
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29 Dec 2012, 8:17 am

You're black, not ugly and not fat. A lot of white women like that sort of thing, apparently. Work on your social awkwardness and get to it.



izzeme
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29 Dec 2012, 9:41 am

verdo wrote:
Thanks guys. Part of the reason too why i feel this way is due to the amount of times a girl will say I'm not their type, which I translate more as a physical thing

ah, now this is something you should try to forget, a persons 'type' has to do with a lot more then looks.
you have, for example, the partygoer type, the sporty type, the musician type... and that is (most likely) what those girls/women mean.
perhaps they prefer jocks, or they indeed want a giant (or a midget, for that matter) or even, dont frame me on this, want a white man (yes, there are plenty around for whom that will matter)

Quote:
Oh and about the height thing. I think a lot of the reason has to do with the fact that when im at hous parties or what not at college, the guys there are almost always tall/athletic and get much of the attention. Of coarse, ive started to try and meeet women else where, but being at a party, i dont really need an excuse to go up and approah a girl, if you know what i mean. Basically, i just feel like my height makes me a little less desirable when a woman considers her "options" sort of speak

perhaps, but maybe you should try looking at the shorter half of the women, even though most women want a man who is taller then they are, there is a limit; if it is a tradeoff between the girl being lifted or on a ladder, or the guy getting back problems from bending over, the difference is too great, and those are the ones you might have better odds with