How to stand out on a dating site

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I have been on these dreaded things for about 10 years and I've noticed a few things about what makes women reply.
This thread is going to be honest, some might not like it.

1. Be "hot". Dating sites are shallow and women go for people out of their league.
2. Be rich. See above.
3. Be tall. See above.

(I'm not saying those apply to me. I've blocked plenty of "hot" men for being boring, and ignored plenty of rich men for being annoying)

For most of us who aren't those two things, there are ways that can greatly increase your chances.

1. Photo. From what I've noticed average men tend to have boring photos. Pictures of them indoors in the dark, average quality resolution not smiling, not dressed nicely, just not flattering and they don't stand out at all.

I find myself more inclined to look at someone profile if they have a picture of them doing something interesting, a higher resolution picture, a smiley picture, a more professionally presented picture. It isn't all about face and body. I've looked at plenty of profiles that don't include the guys face at all to find out more.

Good lighting. Happy, fun, friendly, interesting and good quality pictures are what gets attention. Why? They stand out as they are so much different from the rest.

2. Message. Messages saying "hi" "how are you" or paragraphs about the guy in question I am most likely, out of all messages, to ignore. This is a really hard one as a lot of it depends on the mood of the woman in question. It's very easy to ignore people on dating sites when you can't in real life. I wouldn't bother writing paragraphs on anything, either. Waste of time. I don't really have a lot of advice on this, as if your profile sounds interesting they're more likely to reply no matter what it says.

3. Are you what they are looking for?
So many guys make this mistake. They go for people nothing like them, for example, if a guy who works at a gas station messages a university phd student, he is unlikely to get a reply. They are completely different.

4. Your profile.
Don't make it too long, it looks weird. Don't be bitter, it makes people run faster than the face of boo from a wet towel. Be charismatic on messageboards there if you can, girls love a good personality.

not everyone is so shallow!! !! perhaps looks/money/height like that work for you but not for me. one man i chose from OKCupid was average height, had muscular dystrophy, worked retail, and was prematurely balding. he was a member of mensa and was amazing company to be around.

what worked for me for men's profiles were ones that were interesting or unusual, especially if the man has edgy tastes in music or food or reading materials. i liked if his profile was humorous and quite descriptive. i tend to be silly so a man needed to be able to understand or appreciate that. long profiles are fine, just make sure something is left to the imagination.

good advice on the pictures, above.

in messages i wanted the man to respond to my profile in some way, and to keep the conversation going. i didn't like to get comments on my appearance at first.

I'd never want a person who talked about being 'fun' - that is anathema to what I look for

I want a person who basically thinks life is often pretty s*** and deals with it in a cynical, black humoured way

99.9% of people on dating sites are therefore never going to fit my requirements

Most dating profiles look so generic it's frightening

Likes foreign holidays (that's me posing by the pool!) - check!

Is up for a laugh - check!

Has been hurt badly before - check!

Loves their kids to bits - check!

No time-wasters please! - check!

This type of profile makes me want to send a really facetious reply!

It's not advisable though as some can get very nasty just from a slight correction of their grammar even!

I like to think I can spot the wife beaters - they're the ones scowling in their photos!

All in all, sensible advice. I'd better start working on this little extra tummy I've got... even 40-year-olds like a hard tummy/chest!

I might as well be my full-blown goofy self! If nothing else, I'll stand out from the two crowds; the smouldering smexies and the lonely schmoes.

Do number 1 and 2 usually cancel each other out if both don't apply? Meaning if the guy is extremely good-looking but below average income, or he's semi-ugly with income well above average.

It seems like when a woman views a guys profile she probably quickly checks the guys photos, and then if he looks good she quickly checks his income level. If both aren't satisfactory she moves to the next profile without reading anything further.

Last edited by Venger on 04 Jan 2013, 6:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I'm never interested in income level

In fact I'm far more likely to get on with a relatively poor person than a wealthy one

Wealthy/relatively well off people make me feel very uneasy as I just know our worlds just weren't meant to collide!

I have no interest in money at all and me and high-fliers just don't have much in common - our attitudes to life differ too much
as they are invariably very goal and status-orientated and I'm not

I find the tips somewhat conflicting. The first bunch of tips are good for attracting shallow, boring, mainstream women. Then the rest of the advice is more geared to attracting women with a bit of substance. A man has to decide which one he wants to attract. If the former, he should get rich and work on his appearance. If the latter, the rest of the advice will work better. What I mean is, I'm not sure that following the second lot of tips would do much to attract the same people who would be attracted to someone fitting the first lot. So it's not a matter of doing the latter if you can't do the former, it's about deciding what sort of woman you want to be in a relationship with and acting accordingly.

I could give lots of advice on how to complete a profile to attract me, but that's not much use to the majority of men who probably aren't interested in attracting me. So I'd have to separate the advice into "Profiles for attracting someone like me (aspie women maybe?)", "Profiles for attracting shallow women", "Profiles for attracting decent NT women" etc. Each is still only going to be a general guide, but there will certainly be differences between them.

^^^ +5 Awesome Points (redeemable for one Awesome Person Cookie.)

i think a lot of people would want to know that from you! also NT women's perspectives i think.

Yeah I think we need to get NT women in here posting what they find attractive in a profile. We are all just assuming, really, and not distinguishing between the shallow and more complex women. I've seen a bit of advice around here about increasing one's pool, therefore attracting the type of woman that is most common, so advice on how to write a profile to attract an aspie woman doesn't fit with that idea. But, if they were all provided together, clearly labelled, men could decide which one they wanted to go with.

is any of this supposed to be a surprise?

seems like NT women are as individual and varied as aspie women, really. i think the best advice women on the forum can give is what turns their heads, because presumably there are people out there who could potentially want women who are like them. i think the more individual opinions we could get, the more interesting the thread could be, because it highlights how different each person really is.

^^^ Okay, stay tuned for How to stand out to yellowtamarin on a dating site.



(Or maybe it should be a whole new thread: "What would make YOU reply to a man on an online dating site?")

Humorous, but good profile guide.

I do agree with most of that. No need for my input now

I might still chime in with my How to get yellowtamarin to reply to your message tips, though. It doesn't discuss that very important part.

Judging by the amount of men who complain about it and still get it wrong, I think so.