Lonely and feeling undesired--anyone else, and/or advice?

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I'm a 21 year old girl, and I've never had a boyfriend. I've only ever had one guy who asked me out, asked for my number, anything, and he lost interest after only one date. Other than that, I've never had a guy even approach me or flirt with me or ANYTHING.

I'm very plain looking and a bit heavyset. The AS doesn't help--most people don't even want to be friends with me, never mind pursue a romantic relationship with me, and every time I try to talk to guys they're clearly looking to get out of the conversation and probably talk to someone prettier and more socially competent :/ I'm extremely shy and sort of boring, so I don't know if I can make up for looks with personality, especially having AS, which to most NTs just means "really weird".

It's becoming very depressing to hear about other girls my age, who sigh about how stressful it is to have to turn down multiple guys. And it gets very lonely to see couples together and feel that I can never have that.

I know this sounds very mopey-teenage-girl, but it's something that's been on my mind a lot lately.

If you're plain looking but not ugly, just give it time. The only condition is to make yourself available at the right times and right places.

If, by "plain looking", you're not physically appealing to many of the guys out there, do a makeover or something. Get help from your female friends on how to go about it. To attract guys, it is mostly looks-based.

PS: I know (logically speaking) beauty is the eye of the beholder, but generalities are still important here.

Okay, clarification: I am genuinely ugly, even with makeup and nice clothes. Am I screwed?

As for female friends--I only have 3, one is in another country, one knows nothing about fashion, and one who I think either doesn't know where to start with me or is afraid of offending me. She could never be honest for fear of hurting my feelings. So yeah, no one I can really ask for advice :/

Hey there! Post a pic of yourself! Everyone is attracted to someone, and withholding potential initial attraction just removes you from your potential prospects :)

And if you have self-confidence it looks really attractive to others. ;)

As for the other stuff my best friend who is NT didn't have his first relationship until he was 27. And I imagine they're going to get married.

Patience. :D

Last edited by Vitamin-K on 29 Dec 2012, 2:47 am, edited 1 time in total.

Not necessarily. Miracles have happened. There will always be some select guys out there who would fall for you.

This is what I look like:
http://imgur.com/gallery/4CLwo

My face is unfortunately very crooked :/

That's not ugly. I was expecting something really bad.

Lolwut. You're a cutie. Really. Do not fret! You have an attractive face, a warm, lovely smile, pretty eyes and nice features. You have nice hair, too.

People are really hard on themselves these days! Anyway I stand by my previous advice: be patient.

And since you shared, here's a pic of me. This was smoking a Cuban cigar with my Dad over Christmas. It was -15 out, hence the heavy jacket lol.

http://imgur.com/IRvqa

definitely not ugly

keep up your spirits

I'm guessing the kids in school took this small imperfection in a girl smarter and prettier than them, and cruelly teased you about it for years, leaving an otherwise perfectly normal person thinking they're ugly because of cruel bullies.

I'm guessing... I hope I'm wrong.

all you need now is some makeup!!

You don't see yourself clearly at all.

Great hair
Great teeth
Great smile
Great eyes
That about covers the face I think.

And unlike me you probably have great curves too!
I'm a plank (with shoulders)... straight up and down, built like a guy and if I get heavier, I'm still straight up and down, just flabby no shape whatsoever!

...see? we're all hard on ourselves!


Nope, nothing U.G.L.Y. about you!

When you mentioned "a bit heavyset", I was expecting something totally different.
You're not fat, and I don't see anything wrong with your face, either.

Your smile looks a bit uncomfortable on the picture, though – which is a common AS problem.

You look fine naturally, however there are some things you can do to improve your appearance.

I don't know if it's possible but see a dermatologist and ask for a skin resurfacing cream, tell them that you would like more glow to your face.

You have nice features but it seems you aren't keeping them moisturised or hydrated, drink more water, speak to a dermatologist about treating the redness and dryness on your face and you'll look and feel a lot better.

Stay out of the sun as well as it can be very drying as this can be ageing if you have dry skin type.

She is very beautiful and doesn't need to do any of this imo. I know you're trying to help. but I just couldn't understand why she would think she was ugly from that picture.

Cath, just don't fool yourself into thinking you're worthless because you haven't met someone yet at 21. I didn't meet someone until 28. That was a very lonely life and I thought I was the ugliest person on earth. Why didn't girls ever talk to me? I must be so ugly. (The fact I had zero friends or any social skills was probably more likely). When you meet someone right your confidence will improve.

You look very nice actually, and you appear to have good fashion sense. I wouldn't fret about it for now; many young people dash their ambitions, too eager to find romance. I say work on education and career, and when you're in your thirties, you will find that men are more apt to date like a adult, and less like a high school kid. No matter what you do, don't settle for someone just because they like you; our strong desire to find love tends to land aspies in abusive relationships; so make a list of your wants and not-wants and let it be your guide.

If I were single and your age, I would be excited to go on a date with you; knowing you're an aspie. Have you considered dating an aspie? Maybe that's something you could look into.