out of the mouth of babes

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Out of the mouth of babes....WISDOM!

My son is 13. He had a friend over and they started talking about why girls love a==hole guys.
My son's friend said because they're told in elementary school that if a guy is mean to you, it means he likes you. Are we women and girls abused because we took that bit of info literally as if it were training?! ! Holy smokes, I don't know about anybody else but that comment hit me deep. It really made me think. I'm 51 now but I didn't wise up until I was 30. Ladies...really think about this post and reflect. Out of the mouth of babes.

Because you women, like men, are apes, that's why!

Speak for yourself. I'm a Harbor Seal.

I tend to agree with that theory. Young girls are told that abusive behavior means they are loved, so they do not get clear signals. Then look at a lot of the fairy tails that are presented, Beauty and the Beast comes to mind, where the abusive behavior is supposed to hide a golden heart - not in the real world. Half the TV shows I hear about, as I really don't watch television myself, seem to glorify abusive behavior. It is all just sad.

It'd be funny if it weren't so sad. I remember once in my formative years I'd noticed how the mean guys were getting more attention and gfs than I was. So after a time, I tried my hand at a bit of what I'd describe as 'meanness lite'. I don't even remember what it was that I did...some comment. But I do remember the reaction: "I THOUGHT YOU WERE ONE OF THE NICE GUYS."

And so being put in my place, I remained a nice guy, and without a gf for many years.

I got this silly comment at school every time I show some aggression or hostility, and in the most of times it was for righteous or self-defense reasons.

In my opinion, I think the secret of the school jerks is ...simply...their looks.

How many of those mean guys you knew were average-looking? Very few I bet, most of them were masculine, tall and hot-looking guys. So that's it, it's their looks which is behind their success with girls and nothing else, all else are stupid silly theories like the ones mentioned in the thread.

The mean ugly/nonmasculine/very-average/geeky guy wouldn't have any success with girls at school, he's simply the creep of the school.

So jerkiness is not the key here, it's the hot looks.

I'd adjust your hypothesis by saying the hot guys get away with being jerks because of their good looks...just as a lot of good looking girls get away with crap that would get others in trouble.

Let me see if I can find this SNL skit that exemplifies my point...here it is:

SNL Tom Brady

@The_Face_of_Boo: So basically, if you aren't in a relationship, you aren't good-looking, because if you were, you'd be able to attract people, regardless of any other factors?

Boo got it pretty much exactly right. It's not that arrogant as*hole behavior is attractive. It's that having people constantly fawning over you can make you arrogant and, if you're attractive enough in other ways (looks, wealth, whatever), you can get away with acting like an as*hole.

Think about kids who are spoiled by their parents, they turn into insufferable pricks. Well, parents aren't the only ones who can spoil a person, and kids aren't the only ones who can be spoiled.

People aren't drawn to the attractive jerks because they are jerks. They are drawn to them in spite of their jerkiness, because they are attractive.

This applies pretty equally to both genders.

I'll have to disagree with you. Looks definitely give you a huge benefit in general. But if you don't have social skills to back it up, you aren't getting very far anyway...


It's all a matter of who the better survivor is. Good looks are in many respects an indicator of good health. That's why it's appreciated very much in general.

But social skills are very important in our society. Therefore, if you lack them, you won't be popular despite good looks.


Good social skills in many respects is equal to being self-centered/always putting yourself first, which may often be perceived as jerky behaviour. Putting yourself first does include condescending others when it's necessary in order to not face loss of social status.

As always the problem autists often face is to think more about their surroundings (and others' lives) instead of thinking of themselves (and their own life). Thinking too much of surroundings does come off as "nice guy" behaviour.

I think looks have relatively little to do with popularity in men... a lot of the most popular and oversexed men seemed dirty, scruffy and average at best. However, they were fairly-well muscled and confident almost to the point of being a vain braggart.

A certain amount of musculature and ego seems to be the key factor (in my observations.)

As to the whole "being mean" thing... gad... words fail me that this even still exists on playgrounds today and that parents continue to perpetuate it! I'd love to smack their collective stupid little heads together until they learn something.

Last edited by BlueMax on 23 Feb 2013, 3:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Last edited by qawer on 23 Feb 2013, 4:05 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Theres a movie that starts with its take on this and how its damaging future relationships for girls.

Of course its a romcom so most people will overlook whatever it says since its a fact that romcoms cant teach us anything[/sarcasm]

Yeah..it's a fairly recent movie too...I saw it in the theater and remember the female narrator saying essentially "boys being mean equates to love"

Can't remember the name of it though.

i think the biggest reason to NOT be a jerk/b***h is that... you still have to live with yourself. you have to look yourself in the mirror and live with facing the nasty person you've become, and it's all essentially just to manipulate others to get close to you for sex or dating. i don't see the benefit of what it gets you if you have to sell your soul to get it.

and the quality of the people who would be attracted to you... also not worth it, because they'd be some piece of work who is attracted to a jerk/b***h. that's messed up territory.