I have to work with an ex-girlfriend who is making life miserable because she won't communicate. A little background.
We dated for 9 months. The first 5 months were magical and fleeting. We openly talked about marriage for awhile, and I thought she was the one.
In October, she dumped me stating that her family didn't agree to us dating since I am an American and she is Chinese. Although she is 20, Chinese families still have substantial girth in deciding whether or not it is amicable to allow x to marry y. Her father said it was either me or her family, or so I was told.
She wanted to remain friends with me. I was unsure if this would work because she was my lover and it was difficult to think of her im a different role. I still cared about her so I tried. I initiated a no-contact policy, then went out to dinner with her a month later. It was tearful because I told her I still loved her & this was killing me. I asked her to play badminton or eat dinner with me a few times and she said no but she still wanted to remain friends. We did see a movie once in November & she invited me to eat dinner with her one night but I couldn't go. I then asked her a week later if she wanted to eat dinner somoetime in the next few weeks. Her response, "I'm busy." I asked her if she wanted to go at all ans she said no. I then wrote a goodbye letter because this is literally ravaging my heart to which she didn't reply. Yesterday, when I sat down in the classroom she was in while waiting for her to complete telephone teaching, she simply got up and left. I had to ask her questions both about our class and ensure she wouldn't forget her bag with several items she once gave me.
I know In several aspects I deserve this. I am incrdibly independently minded. Oftentimes when she would call, I wouldn't answer. The cause wasn't her, only that I disdain talking on the phone, hate having to hear ohones ringing, and hate placing my phone in my pocket. It was almost always on vibrate in my bag. I communicated that with her but even when I had the ringtone on medium, I wouldn't hear it.
I am deftly anxious about socializing with anyone. We would make plans and I would cancel or attempt to readjust our plans because the realization of socializing with others terrifies me. She wanted me to go to Shanghai with her the day she broke up with me. Her friends James and Wendy planned to go to Shanghai and invited us along. I said okay but backed out of it an hour later. I wanted to be with Shanshan (my g/f) only. I was disappointed when she asked me to go to Shanghai with the other 2 because she always wanted to do activities in groups, and I don't like groups. We also made plans to go to Fenghua earlier that week. After I declined the invitation to Shanghai, she decided to accompany me to Fenghua. She dumped me that day.
I'm sure her father was a catalyst but not the sole reason. I know this because earlier that year, she told me about her father's anger towards her because she was not dating a Chinese man. She then said, we'll show him our love. I believed her. If he was the only catalyst and there were no other causes months later, the same rules would have applied. My friend also said that she talked with him for an hour in August (we broke up in October) stating that she was thinking of breaking up with me.
After she broke up with me, I found myself initating much of the contact whereas it was the opposite before. She was always too busy for me and would become passive aggressive in class. She would not want to demo activities with me like she used to. She also left work without saying goodbye to me.
I guess I'll never really understand why she truly disdains me & why she wasn't willing to work on our problems; all I have are guesses and theories. I do think she doesn't trust me because I wouldn't pick up or respond to texts within an hour commonly and I would back out of plans. I also feel that I didn't make her feel special. I left her alone while she studied, would ask to change movies if I didn't like it, declined to hold her hand sometimes (I don't like holding hands with anyone), and asked her not to do certain things at work such as transferring food from her mouth to mine (no kissing at work either).
I love her and I always will. Quite frankly, I don't care to date anyone again. I'm sure that will change in the future but cannot overcome my grief. I think about her all the time. It hurts even more knowing that since she has not provided my with an explanation of her actions, I cannot move on since I do not have closure. I'm not sure how I can move on and why she blatently rejected me. She does not owe me an explanation, but it would help.
28 Feb 2013, 10:20 pm
