Is This AS Behavior - what should I do now?

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Sorry again so long. I have gotten some good advice here previously about a relationship I am struggling with. So I was dating a fellow who is AS and we broke up in October. We had a FIVE HOUR conversation one morning in November - I was so sad I had gone to his house and knocked on the door. He was great about comforting me (we spooned for a while and fell asleep in each others arms but it wasn't sexual.) When we woke up, I said I guess it was time for me to go, and wondered about where we were at with each other and he still didn't want to start things up again after I broke things off after a fight in October. He hugged me (he initiated) and I said, "don't let me go. I think about you all the time." And then he said the physical was too hard and he got emotional and broke off the hug. As I was heading out the door he said we could hang out some since we were both struggling with loneliness. But that confused me so much and I guess he could tell because he said "I can see that confuses you."
That was the Monday before Thanksgiving and I got real lonely the day after Turkey day so I sent him a text (Friday) and said if he was around, would he like to go do something? As friends. He didn't respond. Then he left me a voice message the next night saying, "Did we have plans? Because if we did he forgot. Sorry" That really felt like a game. No we didn't have plans. So the next day I called and just played it low key. "Just calling back. No we didn't have plans. I was just being spontaneous." He said I woke him up (noon) and he'd call later. He didn't. That was a Sunday and on Wednesday he sent an email saying sorry he didn't call back. He was getting a cold. Was being a hermit lately. A lot of work. So I just wrote back something short and sweet saying I hoped he didn't get a bad cold.

Fast forward a week later he walked into a coffee shop where I was. My jeep was parked right out front so I can't see how he would have missed that, but maybe he did. I looked up and saw him standing in line, but left it up to him. There was no way he could not see me. Suddenly the guy next to me started to leave, and my guy came over and asked if he could sit down. We talked 1.5 hours. It was awesome. After a great conversation where if felt so natural and close, he started to leave. and began to say something about getting together before he left for X-mas travels. But he got stuck in the bla bla bla and I started to feel he was just saying it - to be polite?? And that if I tried to actually follow through he'd do the same thing that happened when I reached out after Thanskgiving... not return text. etc. So I said, "It's been nice talking to you" and I sorta cut him off with that line so he wouldn't keep bla bla bla. I was giving him an exit and also didn't want any nonsense. Maybe my tone was very flat. So he left. I never heard from him since. I sent a text on Christmas. Just "Merry Christmas." NO REPLY. Boy that surprised and hurt me a lot. He's been back in town two days. No contact. I want to salvage a friendship with him. I don't want to lose him in my life. I love him. What do you think? What do you suggest? Is this hopeless even as friends?

Your aspie sounds very NT ... to be honest.

Hard to say. It could be any number of things.

1. The easy answer is that he’s just not overly interested, wants to be casual friends, and not thinking about it very much.

2. The other possibility is that he’s clueless and unsure of you.
How much have you stated in plain language that you want to be good friends?

3. Has he mentioned being face-blind? That seems to be a common theme in Autistic circles. Before I heard that there was a name for it, it was my dirty little secret for a half-century. I went to extremes trying to cover up and fake it. I have no idea how well that worked, or what kind of confusion it might have caused. It takes me a long time to get a new friend firmly planted on my inner-wall.
If I’m consciously looking for you in a crowd, I’ll narrow down the possibilities until I get that confirmation – when your eyes light up in recognition and you start walking toward me, I’ll know that I’ve found you.
Also, people who are face-blind might also be car-blind (if that’s even a word). If I’m consciously looking for your car, I’ll look for the plate number. If I’m not expecting you, I can walk right past your car and not see it.

4. On a bad day, I sometimes hold myself back from friends because I can’t get my head out of my problems, and I know that no one wants to hear me whine or look at my mopey face. No matter what anyone says or does, everything comes back to my problems, which are overwhelming. Do you have troubles, too? Or good things that you want to share? I wish I could sympathize or help you celebrate, I feel guilty, and that only makes it worse.

That’s off the top of my head. I can work on it if you want more.

I love it how NT women like to blame natural, predictable, human reactions to their own behavior on Aspergers.

Yep, I can definitely identify, and this guy's behavior sounds like straight out of 90210. As sophisticated and adept as NT game playing gets. I admire him.

The women who do this probably make these posts knowing full well that some WP member will try to fit their mate's behavior into Aspergers, and they will use that information to beat him over the head with it: "Honey, it's all in your Aspergers."

It reminds me of a strategy my Dad used to use to win arguments with my Mom: "Honey, it's just your hormones talking."

All good things to think about.