feeling stuck

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I'm a 19 year old female with AS. I'm dating a neurotypical guy around my age. We've been together for 3 years and care a lot for each other. However, for whatever reason, he is one of only two people that I can really talk to and have any kind of ongoing relationship with, friendship or otherwise. I've tried making other friends, but it never works out. Therefore, this creates a gigantic tension in our relationship, because I often get so jealous of the ease he has around others and the way he can have a "normal" social life and support group. I can't hide that jealousy no matter what I do, and there's nothing he can do to remedy the situation. I also get jealous that he can talk about what he likes best (gaming) with pretty much EVERY new person he meets, whereas I can't discuss my interests in Swedish culture, train simulators, and rave music with anyone. He additionally seems to "take for granted" the fact that I have almost nobody else but him - like, he knows he can do pretty much ANYTHING and I won't break up with him because I would have nowhere else to go. Moreover, whenever we go to social events with his friends and I do something "unacceptable", he gets really frustrated and angry about it because he hates making others uncomfortable. He understands I do it because I have AS and can't tell what's appropriate but says if I don't want to be regarded as "defective" or "lesser" for having a disability then I have to be held to the same standards as every other person. He may be right about this, but nevertheless it just leaves me with this overwhelming sense that I will never be good enough to function in general society.

Basically I feel very stuck because I love this guy a lot and we're incredibly close but we cannot stop (constantly) fighting with each other because of the complications that result from me being autistic. In addition to not wanting to leave him because he is my best friend, I also CANNOT leave him because then I would have literally no social contact and feel no love from anybody. But I hate the constant inferiority complex that our interactions leave me with. I don't know what to do here...

That does'nt make sense, sorry but I reckon you only think you love him cus otherwise you would'nt *fight (*as you put it) so much, and also you say you feel you cant leave him cus you're afraid of being on your own.

To be honest though, I'm in the same position , in a relationship, but I'm unhappy because she's lazy & shows no motivation, but we stay together cus both of us are so very socially ineffective towards other people... untill maybe an opportunity comes along in the future for one of us.

I'm sure you could find people to talk to about rave music if you went to a rave!

im into the rave music scene myself too!! !

you can check out some of my mixes in my sig below

The advice is just going downhill on here, I'll try...


You need to talk to him and get him to make a compromise, help him see things through your perspective so you can come to a mutual understanding about what you both want and expect socially from each other with a caring mindset. It may seem difficult but no relationship is impossible to solve, you realize, you have strong feelings for him so it's just a case of expressing your concerns and worries. He needs to learn to accept you and value you for who you are otherwise he's not worth it..

LOL... an actual female also interested in railroad games/sims. Never thought I'd see the day!

Reminds me of one of my relationships with a very extroverted gal. Ugh!

I'll warn you right up front: If you're this concerned, it's probably a serious issue.

Anyone else find this insensitive? I sure the heck do.

Maybe it's just me, but I'd expect someone I'm giving my heart to either embrace the mild-mannered freakshow I am or find someone "normal", for what that's worth (very little). If my friends can appreciate the somewhat strange individual I am, my lover certainly better do the same. Personally, it's a requirement.

He needs to stop regarding you as defective and/or lesser and realize you're just different. Differently awesome. If he can't handle that, it's just going to be a battle.. At least that's how this sort of thing has worked for me.

Whatever the case, he needs to respect you for who you are.

^ Exactly , well said.

Broaden you horizons & look for somethone else, before he make this kind of decision before you.

I agree 100%!

He has had 3 years to make you feel more and more isolated...... I am telling you, being alone and single is better than that.

I was alone for 8 years and it was the happiest time of my life..... I spent almost the entire time swimming, and met nice people there, that I could swim away from so to not let them talk to me too much etc....

If there are fun hobbies and things you like, and you concentrate on your HOBBIES instead of meeting people, then it just happens naturally and by accident.

I have met hundreds of people who still wanna be too close to me, but I manage to keep them away, you don't have to let people in.

Just because that what society says we have to do, dosent mean it has to be like that.

I can find more joy in hobbies and being alone, that being with someone who never appreciates me and tried to change me or dosent think I am good enough ANY day!

I think some people are afraid to just try it and see how great it really is, because of the pressures of society.

JMHO... xo

Who hasn't played a video game? I'm sure he has many flaws, one being that he has not managed to prioritise image over your feelings. Your best friend wouldn't feel any embarrassment around you. does he take you to raves often? Has he taken many steps to help you socialise more?