Trying to hang in there...

Post Reply New Topic

I've been trying to reassess myself when it comes to relationships and trying to find new solutions as to trying to start up again after another attempt failed, but I'm back in the same rut: I'm not trying at all when it comes to trying to find a potential relationship. I don't care how much pain it puts me through and how much stress its gonna continue to put me through, I won't learn unless I continue to grasp a method that works.

I posted a few weeks back about trying to get a woman to respond to whether or not we were a couple and she kept dodging the answer until I said enough is enough as we should stay as friends. I didn't find out till a few days after that she was waiting until my birthday (which just passed) to make it official, but she cut off ties and we only speak here and there.

I do a ton of reading at night about this topic when it comes to just initiating, just trying to get the initial date, but I get b***h butterflies and get either sidetracked by other things at college or I just sit at home/my college room. Venues as less stressful like a coffee shop aren't my thing (I hate tea and I hate coffee), I don't even feel comfortable trying to meet someone there.

I feel as if it's a combination of things, me being stubborn, my anxiety kicking into full throttle when it shouldn't, and something else. That something else feels like something in my mind is holding me back, like it's pushing an action back and is preventing it from being used (could be a part of me, though). It's a ton of things that I don't think I can take in at once. Just turned 20, and it seems like everything is falling apart when it comes to trying to find someone.

And let me just set this straight, that whole "you have your whole life ahead of you" stuff worries me even more and I cringe at it. I get worried and afraid that it'll be too late for me if fate had a time for me to finally meet someone.

Why the throttle down to find a relationship?

This is old hat probably, but dude - ffs - you're 20.

Don't worry about dates - start a level below - just remove the expectation of a date from your mind - being friends with a woman leads to great things - maybe you date her, maybe one of her friends, maybe neither, maybe you just end up having a friend... but it's a start.

That and Lexapro - gotta get the anxiety in check - I swear by Lexapro - it kills the semi paranoia that comes with AS - you still have AS, but the symptoms that kill you socially, it takes the edge off those. The anxiety is a lot better with it - thoughts form a little easier - conversation come a bit more naturally. Different for everyone, but still.

#1. If i'm gonna try to combat anxiety, I need to find solutions myself, not by taking pills to help with it.

#2. It's easy to remove the thought of a date in my mind, I never said that it was an expectation of mine. But when the thoughts come back into my mind of being with someone, it's kinda hard to get rid of those thoughts. After all, we all are human beings capable of thought, aren't we?

That's where the Lexapro steps in, mate.

'I don't need pills' - if not taking anything is the route you choose then more power to you. When you post on a site asking for advice, people tend to give advice which has worked for them - thus my suggestion.

Good luck.

Edit - to be clear, i don't take anything anymore - i took lex for about a year when i was diagnosed and it gave me the ability to realize during that time when my thoughts were irrational and working against me - ended up being one of the best things i ever did.

I definitely understand where you are coming from. I am about to turn 20 as well and have been i the same situation for a while. Being single can be frustrating, for me at least, because feel pretty different and fear that someone won't accept me for being myself, therefore I usually hide behind a mask of who I wish I was, but in the end, I see that she will see who I really am and it will be REALLY awkward then. Until I find the right girl, I am just hanging on and too am working on overcoming things every day without being medicated. You're not alone, that's for sure my man!