Will just being honest work here?

Page 1 of 1 [ 6 posts ] 

blueroses
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Feb 2007
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,168
Location: Lancaster, PA

13 Feb 2013, 6:33 pm

So, I was asked out on a date today and am not sure how to handle the situation. I need to return this guy's message and was hoping for a little advice first.

I've been having some health problems recently and am not sure I'm in a good place to be dating right now, since I feel I can't give my best self. My instinct is telling me it would be good to just let him know this and that I think it would be better to try to become friends, but I'm concerned that he'll think I'm just making up an excuse. In other words, I'm concerned he'll think that it's not that I'm not looking to date right now, but that I'm not looking to date him.

He seems like a nice guy and we know mutual people, so I really want to be tactful and kind, but tact is not always my strong suit. Plus, tomorrow is Valentine's and who wants to get turned down by someone on Valentine's? Any suggestions on how to handle this without it sounding like I'm just flim-flamming him would be appreciated. Thanks!



cathylynn
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Aug 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,045
Location: northeast US

13 Feb 2013, 7:15 pm

i think just being honest will work here. you may be overthinking things.



MountainLaurel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jan 2011
Age: 71
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,030
Location: New England

13 Feb 2013, 7:18 pm

Quote:
My instinct is telling me it would be good to just let him know this and that I think it would be better to try to become friends,

I think you can go with your instinct on this; tell him that you are not feeling well enough to go out. But I would not tell him that you'd like to become friends. Logically, if you are not well enough to go out on a dates, how are you well enough to do something together with a friend? Also, to guys, being friend-zoned is loathsome.

It's possible to simply become friends without asking; "Can't we just be friends?" It's done by keeping an open line of communication.



bucephalus
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jan 2009
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,847
Location: with Hyperlexian

13 Feb 2013, 8:38 pm

yes, i think being honest is the best thing you can do. There is always the risk he will take it the wrong way, but that's not your fault. Maybe provide him with a couple of reasons for why you want to be friends with him, that might work


_________________
"grrrrr"


MCalavera
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Dec 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,442

13 Feb 2013, 9:29 pm

No, I don't suggest that you suggest being friends with him. He asked you out, therefore it's very very likely it's never going to be a purely platonic friendship between you two.

I don't know what to tell him exactly, but don't mention the friendship bit. You may see him as a good friend, but it's not fair for him to be encouraged to continue to interact with you in any intimate manner.



nebrets
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Feb 2012
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 842
Location: Texas

13 Feb 2013, 10:20 pm

Say that you are not in a good position to date right now and explain why, but then say that he should ask again in X months when you are in a better place.

That should reassure him that you are not rejecting him specifically.


_________________
__ /(. . )