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Overcoming Loveshyness

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equestriatola
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05 Jan 2013, 3:18 pm

So, my mission in 2013 is to find that woman of my dreams. I am just a bit loveshy, is all; and that is one HUGE roadblock.

I fear that I may overdo it come on too strong, which is putting the cart before the horse.

My questions now are:
1) How do I NOT overdo it? (read: as in not come across as a creeper)
2) How do I have the guts to tell her?
3) How do I ask her out?

I hope I can overcome these obstacles in 2013.


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redrobin62
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05 Jan 2013, 3:24 pm

I wish you luck in your search and hope 2013 proves fruitful in that regard.


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equestriatola
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05 Jan 2013, 11:15 pm

redrobin62 wrote:
I wish you luck in your search and hope 2013 proves fruitful in that regard.


Thank you. :D


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05 Jan 2013, 11:31 pm

You will have to learn from the master.

Watch this video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xkF0HuR-gFw



Stargazer43
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05 Jan 2013, 11:33 pm

equestriatola wrote:
My questions now are:
1) How do I NOT overdo it? (read: as in not come across as a creeper)
2) How do I have the guts to tell her?
3) How do I ask her out?


Here are a few things I've noticed, hopefully it helps.

1.) Only approach women for a date in one of two situations. The first being a setting where they expect you to approach them, such as a bar or singles group. And the second being if you are already acquainted fairly well or friends and want to get to know them better. The general consensus seems to be that if you try approaching them elsewhere with the purpose of asking them out, such as at a coffee shop or supermarket, it will be considered unwanted and creepy unless you are an incredibly smooth talker and attractive to boot. And if someone ever tells you no, leave it at that and never ask her again... unwanted persistence is a hallmark creeper trait.

2.) NO GUTS NO GLORY!! ! I really struggle with this one when it comes to friends, just because asking friends out in the past has cost me a handful of friendships and I'd rather it didn't cost me any more. However, if it's a women you'll never see again, who cares what she thinks of you or whether she rejects you or not? Of course, still make sure to be the perfect gentleman and be completely respectful regardless.

3.) Depends on the setting and situation, but typically just simply say "Would you be interested in going out for dinner (or other activity as you see fit) sometime this week?"



equestriatola
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06 Jan 2013, 6:23 pm

Thanks again. :D


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Feel free to talk to me, if you wish. :)

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equestriatola
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07 Jan 2013, 5:04 am

Stargazer43 wrote:
equestriatola wrote:
My questions now are:
1) How do I NOT overdo it? (read: as in not come across as a creeper)
2) How do I have the guts to tell her?
3) How do I ask her out?


Here are a few things I've noticed, hopefully it helps.

1.) Only approach women for a date in one of two situations. The first being a setting where they expect you to approach them, such as a bar or singles group. And the second being if you are already acquainted fairly well or friends and want to get to know them better. The general consensus seems to be that if you try approaching them elsewhere with the purpose of asking them out, such as at a coffee shop or supermarket, it will be considered unwanted and creepy unless you are an incredibly smooth talker and attractive to boot. And if someone ever tells you no, leave it at that and never ask her again... unwanted persistence is a hallmark creeper trait.

2.) NO GUTS NO GLORY!! ! I really struggle with this one when it comes to friends, just because asking friends out in the past has cost me a handful of friendships and I'd rather it didn't cost me any more. However, if it's a women you'll never see again, who cares what she thinks of you or whether she rejects you or not? Of course, still make sure to be the perfect gentleman and be completely respectful regardless.

3.) Depends on the setting and situation, but typically just simply say "Would you be interested in going out for dinner (or other activity as you see fit) sometime this week?"


It's just that the world can be a rough place for people like me these days, IMO.


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Feel free to talk to me, if you wish. :)

Every day is a gift- cherish it!

"A true, true friend helps a friend in need."


MrEGuy
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09 Jan 2013, 11:35 am

Never underestimate the power of the word "Hello".

That is my obnoxiously Zen answer to all three of your questions.



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09 Jan 2013, 2:14 pm

MrEGuy wrote:
Never underestimate the power of the word "Hello".


LOL!



Zodai
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09 Jan 2013, 3:03 pm

In my case, chances are they won't want to be your girlfriend as soon as you confess to them. Worked for me, things have been okay for the past month.

That said, mine was with a fellow Aspie over the internet, so...


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deltafunction
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09 Jan 2013, 3:26 pm

equestriatola wrote:
So, my mission in 2013 is to find that woman of my dreams. I am just a bit loveshy, is all; and that is one HUGE roadblock.

I fear that I may overdo it come on too strong, which is putting the cart before the horse.

My questions now are:
1) How do I NOT overdo it? (read: as in not come across as a creeper)
2) How do I have the guts to tell her?
3) How do I ask her out?

I hope I can overcome these obstacles in 2013.


As someone who has been asked out a few times before being in a LTR and seen what works and what doesn't:

1) Act as if you are not afraid of rejection when you get to know her. Remind yourself of your personal life and how great it is so if you get rejected, it's okay because your life goes on. Try to move on if you do get rejected, since she doesn't appreciate you and you deserve someone who does.
2) How do you have the guts to ask her out? I'd say it's best to just ask her out and not come on too strong at first when dating, ie don't confess love until at least a few dates in. The first few dates are usually just getting to know each other. Then, when you feel ready as a couple, you can profess your love and commitment.
3) Hmm... Look for hints. Usually a woman will drop hints if she is interested, like say "I'd like to see this movie" or something. Take that as a cue to ask her out. That being said, every woman is different so some hints may just be body language or flirting. In any case, get to know what she likes and offer to do something together along those lines, or just offer one of the generic date ideas (movie, dinner, coffee etc)

As was said before, the main thing is confidence. If you don't have confidence, try to work on yourself to build it up.



deltafunction
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09 Jan 2013, 3:30 pm

Growlithe wrote:
You will have to learn from the master.

Watch this video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xkF0HuR-gFw


That's good advice in the video

This one's good too (on confidence)
http://www.youtube.com/user/HowToGetAGi ... ture=watch



equestriatola
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11 Jan 2013, 10:57 pm

MrEGuy wrote:
Never underestimate the power of the word "Hello".

That is my obnoxiously Zen answer to all three of your questions.


Well said. :D


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Feel free to talk to me, if you wish. :)

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BookPerson
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12 Jan 2013, 1:24 am

equestriatola wrote:
So, my mission in 2013 is to find that woman of my dreams. I am just a bit loveshy, is all; and that is one HUGE roadblock.

I fear that I may overdo it come on too strong, which is putting the cart before the horse.

My questions now are:
1) How do I NOT overdo it? (read: as in not come across as a creeper)
2) How do I have the guts to tell her?
3) How do I ask her out?

I hope I can overcome these obstacles in 2013.


I would recommend getting a good, level-headed friend to help you out with this, if possible. Someone that you are close to and can really trust. And this person should know what they're doing, in regards to women. I think there's a lot of great advice on WP, but nothing can beat a wise friend.



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12 Jan 2013, 8:38 am

Growlithe wrote:
You will have to learn from the master.

Watch this video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xkF0HuR-gFw

he is cheesy but also very good. he is guilty of "passive sexism" as he sort of pedestalises women, but nonetheless i can see how this could possibly work on women who like that kind of attention. i'd suggest not to compliment a woman on her appearance because it's too obvious though. complimenting her on her clothing could work, or her voice or something she wouldn't expect is better


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Rifter
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13 Jan 2013, 12:37 am

Good Luck Mate!