The 'Hookup Culture' of my generation...

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metalab
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13 Jan 2013, 9:16 pm

I was reading an article about how my generation (I am 26) has more evolved into what is called 'Hookup Culture' and that 'Dating Culture' is dead.

What this means is, people my age don't tend to fall into committed relationships as much, and they don't do formal dating as much. They kind of just hang out and hookup and generally just go on a cycle of doing this with alot of different people.

This does seem true to me, most people my age just do things casually, meet someone, hookup, maybe meet them again, maybe be hanging out and hooking up with multiple people. Kind of wishy-washy nothing to clearly defined, alot of changing and moving around.

This made me realize why I probably have so much issue with finding any relations in my age group, and why it's probably diffucult for most aspies.

For one it takes us alot to get comfortable around a person, and two, we don't like alot of change. I think this makes us seem inherently more 'clingy'. But really its not because of some inherent insecurity in our value, it's just we can't tolerate as much fluctuation and change.

Anyone else relate to this?

I am also curious to know, do aspie females have more issue with this too? If your a female do you find it easier to just go out and hookup with people and have things concerning that be so uncertain and change alot? Is it easier for you to become comfortable with people on a sexual level quicker?



billiscool
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13 Jan 2013, 9:29 pm

metalab wrote:
I was reading an article about how my generation (I am 26) has more evolved into what is called 'Hookup Culture' and that 'Dating Culture' is dead.

What this means is, people my age don't tend to fall into committed relationships as much, and they don't do formal dating as much. They kind of just hang out and hookup and generally just go on a cycle of doing this with alot of different people.

This does seem true to me, most people my age just do things casually, meet someone, hookup, maybe meet them again, maybe be hanging out and hooking up with multiple people. Kind of wishy-washy nothing to clearly defined, alot of changing and moving around.

This made me realize why I probably have so much issue with finding any relations in my age group, and why it's probably diffucult for most aspies.

For one it takes us alot to get comfortable around a person, and two, we don't like alot of change. I think this makes us seem inherently more 'clingy'. But really its not because of some inherent insecurity in our value, it's just we can't tolerate as much fluctuation and change.

Anyone else relate to this?

I am also curious to know, do aspie females have more issue with this too? If your a female do you find it easier to just go out and hookup with people and have things concerning that be so uncertain and change alot? Is it easier for you to become comfortable with people on a sexual level quicker?


s**t, I can't hook up with no one (well, ladies of course) then again, I probaly should go after more than just 19-20 year old gym employees. But they are so fun talk to and it gives me something to do.

female aspie for the most part (if there are average to attractive looking) have really no problem hooking up with guys.
but that a whole another ball game. Compare men dating to women dating is liking compare an mma fighter to a local redneck bar fighter. men love women, and most men don't give a s**t, as long as woman don't look like a gator,

I am against hook up, I think people need to form long term relationship but each to their own



khaos
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13 Jan 2013, 10:08 pm

I'm female and most of my relationships have been people there were in my circle. From school, friend of the family, etc. I have never worked or really was on my own out socializing like at a bar, gym, etc. I have only met a couple of people that way and neither one ended well. So I quit. I met one at a bookstore, never again! And Wal-Mart lol. Never again! So anyways...most of the others were through the internet. So my way is kind of different than the norm anyways. I was only wanting the hookups really anyways. I am more of a new relationship junkie, but it's hard when you can't put yourself out there in public and do that.


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metalab
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13 Jan 2013, 10:08 pm

billiscool wrote:
I am against hook up, I think people need to form long term relationship but each to their own


I feel the same way, but I wonder if that has less to do with some moral predisposition and more to due with the fact we can't tolerate fluctuation as easily.

Do female aspies have any issues with random hookups? Do they tend more to long-term relations?



billiscool
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13 Jan 2013, 10:32 pm

metalab wrote:
billiscool wrote:
I am against hook up, I think people need to form long term relationship but each to their own


I feel the same way, but I wonder if that has less to do with some moral predisposition and more to due with the fact we can't tolerate fluctuation as easily.

Do female aspies have any issues with random hookups? Do they tend more to long-term relations?


yes, there are female aspie that do have issues with random hookup. But yet there are tons of female aspie that can
just hook up with no problem. I would say most aspie women are more for the long term relationship than the short hook up ones.



ToadOfSteel
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13 Jan 2013, 10:40 pm

And the sad thing is I want to raise a family in the future...



FalsettoTesla
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13 Jan 2013, 11:12 pm

Maybe I'm just a statistical anomaly, but I'm 19 and I don't know anyone who subscribes to 'Hookup culture'. Most of my friends are either in committed, long term relationships, or still looking for one. I don't think I know anyone who's just hopping from one sexual conquest to another (although I don't really see anything wrong with that if all parties are consenting and they're happy with that kind of arrangement).



Shau
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13 Jan 2013, 11:12 pm

billiscool wrote:
sh**, I can't hook up with no one (well, ladies of course) then again, I probaly should go after more than just 19-20 year old gym employees. But they are so fun talk to and it gives me something to do.


Good to see you're taking at least SOME of my advice!



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14 Jan 2013, 12:39 am

metalab wrote:
I was reading an article about how my generation (I am 26) has more evolved into what is called 'Hookup Culture' and that 'Dating Culture' is dead.

What this means is, people my age don't tend to fall into committed relationships as much, and they don't do formal dating as much. They kind of just hang out and hookup and generally just go on a cycle of doing this with alot of different people.

This does seem true to me, most people my age just do things casually, meet someone, hookup, maybe meet them again, maybe be hanging out and hooking up with multiple people. Kind of wishy-washy nothing to clearly defined, alot of changing and moving around.

This made me realize why I probably have so much issue with finding any relations in my age group, and why it's probably diffucult for most aspies.

For one it takes us alot to get comfortable around a person, and two, we don't like alot of change. I think this makes us seem inherently more 'clingy'. But really its not because of some inherent insecurity in our value, it's just we can't tolerate as much fluctuation and change.

Anyone else relate to this?

I am also curious to know, do aspie females have more issue with this too? If your a female do you find it easier to just go out and hookup with people and have things concerning that be so uncertain and change alot? Is it easier for you to become comfortable with people on a sexual level quicker?


Hook up culture has undoubtedly taken place of dating - at least in my age group. It's very rare to find guys my own age or close that actually "date" anymore.
I'm not into hooking up and therefore have to date older men, or don't date at all. I've done both over the years.

It's very easy to get a hookup as a girl - and much more difficult to get someone who is willing to date you properly - much less a relationship - much less a *decent* relationship.
The only way I managed to do the dating thing was by dating guys who were older than me who were from other cultures - the hookup thing isn't really a part of what they're familiar with so they don't tend to do it.

It's not easier to become comfortable on a sexual level quicker at all - if anything it makes you even more wary than usual of doing so.


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14 Jan 2013, 1:03 am

I think this seems a bit more like how I'd be comfortable with forming relationships. I would not be into casual sex, if this is at all what is being implied, but I don't like the sound of dating or having all these arbitrary rules and expectations, either. It feels a bit too mechanical and not genuine enough for me when I'm more worried about following social rules or impressing the other person, rather than simply getting to know them without any of that in the way.


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14 Jan 2013, 1:04 am

Boxman108 wrote:
I think this seems a bit more like how I'd be comfortable with forming relationships. I would not be into casual sex, if this is at all what is being implied, but I don't like the sound of dating or having all these arbitrary rules and expectations, either. It feels a bit too mechanical and not genuine enough for me when I'm more worried about following social rules or impressing the other person, rather than simply getting to know them without any of that in the way.


hooking up is casual sex



Kjas
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14 Jan 2013, 1:05 am

Boxman108 wrote:
I think this seems a bit more like how I'd be comfortable with forming relationships. I would not be into casual sex, if this is at all what is being implied, but I don't like the sound of dating or having all these arbitrary rules and expectations, either. It feels a bit too mechanical and not genuine enough for me when I'm more worried about following social rules or impressing the other person, rather than simply getting to know them without any of that in the way.


By hook up culture - this is basically causual sex, forming a semi bond, and then moving on to casual sex with someone else.


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14 Jan 2013, 1:12 am

Kjas wrote:
By hook up culture - this is basically causual sex, forming a semi bond, and then moving on to casual sex with someone else.


I never understood how people are able to do that... it would require an incredible amount of trust for me to have sex even if there was a woman that wanted it...



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14 Jan 2013, 1:13 am

ToadOfSteel wrote:
Kjas wrote:
By hook up culture - this is basically causual sex, forming a semi bond, and then moving on to casual sex with someone else.


I never understood how people are able to do that... it would require an incredible amount of trust for me to have sex even if there was a woman that wanted it...

its quite easy, especially depending on your feelings/views on mankind. Too positive and its easy to be over trusting, too negative and you learn to do things for your own pleasure and not care about the rest.



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14 Jan 2013, 1:44 am

The last place I worked at had HUNDREDS of employees all jammed shoulder-to-shoulder in a hypersocial work setting. (Blecch!) Most of the employees were younger than me... the general consensus agreed with the OP... they just have FWB "relationships". Get bored? Move on. Boyfriend said something that made you mad? Move on. Girlfriend farted in her sleep? Move on. Seriously, it was that shallow!

Zero commitment, little forgiveness, no actual love.... heck, these same people see the state of the world and actually said, "love doesn't exist anymore!"

I feel like a freakin' dinosaur!



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14 Jan 2013, 1:54 am

I see it.

Hook up culture makes sense to me, although I find it difficult to subscribe to personally for the reasons mentioned above (difficulty with flexibility, change, trust).

I love living alone and the thought of having somebody else invading my personal space 24/7 (no matter how "in love" with that person I was) is pretty horrifying. Thus, therein lies the practicality of casual relationships. It actually surprises me that so many aspies buy in to the serious long term relationship stakes as I would think a large portion would prefer to live alone.


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