Need help / has anyone ever been specially nice to you?

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Hi,

I'd like your opinion if you think a certain girl likes me or not (read on). I'd also like to hear if people have been specially nice to you because of your Autism.

Here's the deal:

There's a girl I like, and I think she likes me. However, before I do anything, I want to make sure she likes me. She compliments me quite often (not obvious stuff though, things like I like your hair, I like your shoes, well done, etc.), smiles at me whenever she talks to me, sounds happy (very high pitched voice, this could be a negative sign though because you talk that way to babys / stupid people) when she talks to me and some other things, like:

- Says ''awwwww'' if I do something cute / stupid (I guess)

- Rubs her legs and thighs and stretches her legs in my direction while sitting diagonally from me.

- Attempts to talk to me almost everyday about things that aren't very important

- Tries to help me when it's possible (nothing really important though)

- More stuff that I wont bother to write down / don't notice

Pretty sure I saw her to lick her lips when she was talking to me quite a few times, but not totally sure because I don't dare to make eye contact most of the time because of Asperger's. When I do, she has a big smile on her face. I also forget to uncross my arms everytime (negative bodylanguage), but I think she knows I do this because I'm insecure / out of habit.

I'm pretty sure these are all good signs (they are, right?), otherwise she'd be a little too friendly. She only does this to me too. However, I wouldn't be here if I wouldn't need your help. I have a few questions, and I want to be pretty sure she likes me before I do anything.

A few days ago, I opened a door to get out, not knowing she was standing near it. She said ''Thanks, Anon!'' after she walked out. Then I realised what I did without knowing it. I would not do this on purpose because I'm too shy for that. She probably thought I was trying to be a gentleman, and she thanked me for it. That's good, right?

Another thing: A few weeks ago, she asked where I live. Just like 30 mins before she did, one of her closest friends (who is quite friendly to me too, but not as friendly as the other girl) asked me the same question. That's not a coincidence. They must have talked to eachother about me. Anyway - another sign she's interested?

Also, she was the only person that wished me a happy birthday on my birthday (apart from my family). Also a good sign, right? Pretty sure this is a pretty normal thing to do though.

Now, the main thing that worries me:

I have (mild) Asperger's / PDDNOS, and she knows about that. I'm pretty normal, just a little spastic (simply said, nothing serious) and very shy (only speak when spoken too, rarely begin a conversation, reply to questions but not able to make the conversation last long). I'm pretty good looking / intelligent I'd say and I get plenty of attention from girls, but I'm afraid they're just doing it because they feel sorry or something because I barrely talk to anyone (maybe I'm overthinking this). Before I dare to ask her out or do anything, I want to make sure she likes me (yes, I know I have nothing to lose). What do you think?

I'd also like to know if you've ever had the feeling that people were specially nice to you because of your Autism / Asperger's. I have this feeling myself. I've never been bullied and I went to normal schools all my life and played in teamsport teams. I have 0 friends (not that I mind) and I can't stand up for myself well, so I'd be an easy target to bully, yet I've never really been bullied (teased a little if anything, but that's normal). Coincidence? I don't think so.

Should also mention I've been called ''gay'' a few times (mainly by girls). I'm not gay, but it's easy to get that impression from people with Autism. I'm very polite and neat (just like most people with Asperger's) and goodlooking. So, it's easy to get that impression. Maybe that's the reason girls are so nice to me (you know how some gay people have many female friends). Maybe they think I'm some kind of little gay boy they can go shopping with / I turn their mother hen instincts on. Guys in general aren't specially nice to me (nor do I get bullied).

Thanks for reading this wall of text, looking forward to hear your thoughts.

I hope I'm wrong at this, but to me it looks like she's objectifying you in a quite disrespecting way, like she sees you as a doll or a pet, not a human.

I don't like that behaviour.

Yeah - that's what I'm worried about. What exactly makes you think that though, if I may ask?

I've had zillions of women doing that to me to when i was a teenager, all of them turned out to be arrogant cows and had the reputation to be non-chalant even to other NTs.

Maybe they liked you - hehe. If I may ask, what are some things they did to you?

Anyway, this certain girl isn't the most outgoing, hyperactive, spontaneous person. She's actually quite shy (shy for a NT that is, she has plenty of female friends and she talks enough). Along with numerous other characteristics I like, but I'll shut up now. My point: She's not your typical over flirtatious modern girl. She doesn't talk all that often with males and she's attractive enough.

Last edited by IamLeet on 16 Jan 2013, 5:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Acting like you're the most adorable fluffy little thing on the planet isn't really the way women seduce a real man they're interested in.

Well - it's not like they're saying ''AWWWWWWWWW, YOU'RE SO CUTE'' or anything like that all the time (nor did that happen once). It's not like they say ''AWWWWWWW'' every second either - it happened 3 times tops.

And believe me - I look pissed most of the time. Arms crossed, legs close to eachother, no emotion on my face - cold and emotionless, not really cute.

To me, she doesn't sound interested in you at all.

But you can always tell her you're in love with her and see how she'll respond.

Sure. Thanks for your input. Would still like the opinion of others, though / stories of people being outrageously nice.

And I'll pass on that one (;

She's treating you like you're mentally challenged. I'd say forget about her.

How do I know this? Because I get treated like that all the time due to my speech impediment. That + my social awkwardness makes me come off as a slow person, even though I'm pretty damn sure I'm smarter than most people I meet.

Yeah - that's possible.

However, I can't decide on something, because everyone is giving me a different opinion (except here so far). I've asked it on different sites, and the reactions were mostly positive, but some had the same idea as you two.

I even asked it here once before, now that I remember. It wont let me post the link, but search for: ''oThanatoSo Aspie needs help wrong planet love and dating'' on google and you'll get the thread. Positive reaction.

I guess I'll never know unless I ask her

Next time it happens, just ask her straight up, "Are you flirting with me?"...in an inquisitive/curious tone (if you can manage it). If she knows you have AS, I don't see why she would be confused by such a question. If it goes badly, just blame it on the AS!

Personally...I'm not getting the 'pet' or 'special treatment b/c you're "special"' vibe that others have mentioned. It sounds like she's comfy around you, and quite likely flirting.

Thanks!

Yeah - she seems comfy - maybe a little too comfy... Anyway, that question wouldn't do any harm.

A little more context would be helpful. How old are you and how do you know this girl? Sounds like you're either in highschool or college.

Regardless, I wouldn't ask her straight up if she's flirting. Next time you see her, ask her if she wants to "hangout sometime." Very simple.

I personally think she wants you badly.

Ask her out, no risk no gain.

There appears to be too many mixed signals with this girl that are making you ask around. Ask her out and get an answer. If she says no and continues to give you mixed signals after the fact, be very wary.

I know from my past that plenty of women like using our kind to boost their own egos. It's not a fun or pleasant experience when you are trying to establish some sort of connection when they are not interested in that.