Neurotypical vs disorder women
I have never dated anyone. But I will try to soon. I am a high functioning autistic and would like peoples opinions on whether its better or not to seek a normal woman or one with a disorders. I've heard stories of how relationships with autistic men and regular women can end terribly so I'm wondering if my chances would be improved if there's something wrong with both of us. Note that I don't remember ever even meeting someone else with a mental disorder besides myself, so I have no experience whatsoever.
Yup, that's just the risk that you take when entering into a relationship. It's worth it though
_________________
My Aspie score: 119 of 200
My neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 92 of 200
I seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits
No, I wouldn't advise you to go with such a reasoning. It depends on what disorder/condition the other person may have. If it's, for example, Anti-social Personality Disorder (or, in layman's terms, sociopathy), and you just have autism and nothing beyond that, that's going to be a very terrible match. And fatal even. Those people with ASPD are best fit with people like them in terms of thinking and personality.
Philosoraptor
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: 16 Jan 2013
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 180
Location: Massachusetts, United States
No, I wouldn't advise you to go with such a reasoning. It depends on what disorder/condition the other person may have. If it's, for example, Anti-social Personality Disorder (or, in layman's terms, sociopathy), and you just have autism and nothing beyond that, that's going to be a very terrible match. And fatal even. Those people with ASPD are best fit with people like them in terms of thinking and personality.
I'd also imagine someone similar in some respects (introversion, general intelligence, common interests) but opposite in others (sociability, emotional intelligence, some uncommon interests) would work out really well. Given that, I'd almost think an AS/NT combo could work out, given compatibility of the two individuals. The similarities bring the two together, and the differences allow each other to reciprocate growth and knowledge for the other.
I first started thinking this when I decided to Google autism and marriage and a website for woman in troubled autistic marriages came up. That was more than a year ago and the site no longer come up, but still. I also thought it would knew nice to be with someone who knew what having a disability was like.
Firstly, if you were to avoid NT women, you'd be limiting your pool of potential mates to such a degree that that choice, on it's own, would reduce your chances of finding someone compatible to almost nil.
Secondly, you said it would be nice to be with someone who knows what having a disability is like. I assume this is because you expect such a person to be more understanding and accepting of your difficulties. But the qualities of understanding and acceptance are not limited to those with disorders of their own. In my experience, they're not even more common.
Catmint
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 27 Dec 2012
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 50
Location: Exeter, England
I think it's more important to find someone with some (though not all) of the same interests as you - that way you have something in common that can be a foundation for more. Don't focus on finding someone with a particular disorder or who lacks a particular disorder - that's limiting and too restrictive (and too rigid - what if you limited yourself to only Aspie/Autie women and you suddenly came across an NT woman that you fell for but you didn't want to break your rule of dating only Aspie/Autie women, even though this could be the woman of your dreams?)
What are your interests? What activities that you can do with others do you like to do? Focus on that rather than whether or not they're NT or Autie/Aspie.
_________________
Creative Writing MA student, NCIS addict, English folkie, roleplayer, wheelchair user (and wheelchair geek!) dyslexic, BA English Lit, off-the-scale Irlen Syndrome.
AQ: 41
RAADS-R: 188
Owned by Skitty Kitty and Tabby Terror (aka Mary and Joseph).
It doesn't matter either way, the grass isn't greener on either side. There are good women that aren't on the spectrum and there are good women that are on the spectrum, it's just a case of finding the right girl for you.
I know one advantage for me would be to find a girl that likes routine, discipline, fitness, creativity and doesn't like spending a lot of time in pubs or clubs.
Catmint
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 27 Dec 2012
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 50
Location: Exeter, England
Wolfheart - I'm afraid I'm taken!
In all seriousness, though, that's well said - being on the spectrum or not isn't the important thing. For me it was very much a case of "If I get an Aspie boyfriend and it works, cool, but if I get an NT boyfriend, that's also cool; as long as we've got some shared interests and he's OK with the wheelchair aspect of things, that's what's important". And my fellow is NT (though he's on the bipolar spectrum, I'm sure) because that's who I happened upon. We have some shared interests (as well as some different ones - it's important to have that balance; doing everything together and spending every moment of every day together is actually pretty unhealthy) and he's fantastic with the wheelchair thing, so it's all good!
_________________
Creative Writing MA student, NCIS addict, English folkie, roleplayer, wheelchair user (and wheelchair geek!) dyslexic, BA English Lit, off-the-scale Irlen Syndrome.
AQ: 41
RAADS-R: 188
Owned by Skitty Kitty and Tabby Terror (aka Mary and Joseph).
I know one advantage for me would be to find a girl that likes routine, discipline, fitness, creativity and doesn't like spending a lot of time in pubs or clubs.
What do you mean by creativity?
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