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gordonsill7
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26 Jan 2013, 5:34 pm

So, I know with Aspies, we have certain things in which we focus on, and are very interested in... for me it has been anything from music, to countries, to certain states, to nice cars and boats...

Now, it seems to be love... I want love so bad... I think about it all the time... girls, whom I'm attracted to, etc... and I want this so bad, it is getting very hard. I like affection, and want that as I haven't had much of that in my life romantically. I go to work, and come home, but meeting people is so hard, they all have boyfriends, or aren't interested, and it gets lonely.

I do not want to obsess over this, nor do I want to appear desperate, because I am not, however people have told me, that is how I come across when I want to talk about it all the time.

Does anyone else have this focus?



Phenom
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26 Jan 2013, 10:38 pm

I feel its perfectly normal to want love, whether your an Aspie or not; you are still human, lets not forget that fact. I have to admit that at times I do have that focus, because after all, isn't that what life is all about? Isn't that the reason more or less we all try to fit in to society?

look at it this way, on the flip side, that would be like saying NT's don't feel anger or depression, which we all know they do, because again, they are human. Now, they may not feel it with as much frequency or to the extent we Aspies do, but nonetheless they do feel it.

Anyone who say's they don't want love AT ALL in life is lying to themselves. Try not to condemn yourself for being human; that's a very destructive path to take, because you won't win.

Hope I helped. Goodluck.



cozysweater
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26 Jan 2013, 10:51 pm

I totally get this. I really want a significant other to spend time with. But on the other hand, I also really love that I don't have to defer to anyone or do stuff that I'm not interested in. So basically my actions contradict my... I don't know, longings? I do want closeness with another person and I want to feel understood and feel like I understand that other person and share intimacies large and small. But my actions say otherwise.
I'm still trying to figure it out.



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26 Jan 2013, 11:17 pm

Its a Long road road my friend, and I can't say that I have everything figured out, because I don't. I actually find myself in that position that your are in; it really is a constant battle that can be all consuming at times.

What I can say though is to try and figure yourself out first, before rushing to "actively" pursue a relationship just to curve the apatite of loneliness. I feel the chances of success are much greater this way, but I know its hard. At the same time, If "the one" comes along, don't let her pass you up either. Only you will know the answer to this, because I don't personally know all your circumstances.



Einfari
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27 Jan 2013, 1:10 am

OP, I feel the same way right now, but I'm in a bit of a weird situation. I would love to meet someone who understands me and shares the same interests. I have quite a few friends, but we are very different. They obsess about stuff like celebrities, twitter, and their future wedding plans, but these topics don't interest me much. I usually just pretend to care. I would rather play video games or talk about science. I'm a nerd/tomboy.

As far as romantic stuff goes, I would want that type of relationship just because I don't feel very close to anyone right now. I can't think of anyone outside of my family that I could hold a deep conversation with. I'm just lacking intimacy in my life right now. The problem is that I don't have feelings for anyone at the moment, and am unsure if I still can. When I was younger, I could easily feel connections to different guys and have feelings for them. In late 2011, I had my heart broken badly and feel as if something died after it. I haven't felt that connection or feeling with anyone. I even dated someone and still had no feeling. I still look at some men and find them attractive, but that ability to feel connection is just gone. I'm not sure if this is part of growing up, or if its the result of mind being conditioned to seeing the feelings as aversive. I want to have feelings for someone just so I know that I still can.



gordonsill7
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28 Jan 2013, 6:47 pm

One thing I learned, is risk, and that you never know until you take the risk... it could be amazing, and if it doesn't work out, you hurt, and heal, and learn about what went wrong, and what can be done different. For example, I have learned to relax, and not be insecure about her leaving me, and that long distance is not good- if you haven't met them in person. (talked to somebody online for awhile)



gordonsill7
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28 Jan 2013, 7:02 pm

Phenom wrote:
Its a Long road road my friend, and I can't say that I have everything figured out, because I don't. I actually find myself in that position that your are in; it really is a constant battle that can be all consuming at times.

What I can say though is to try and figure yourself out first, before rushing to "actively" pursue a relationship just to curve the apatite of loneliness. I feel the chances of success are much greater this way, but I know its hard. At the same time, If "the one" comes along, don't let her pass you up either. Only you will know the answer to this, because I don't personally know all your circumstances.


I do know what I want in a girl. I can emotionally be there for her, and physically, and spiritually as well. I do know myself, and my desires, and do feel ready. In the meantime, I continue to grow myself. But it's something I would love. Affection, companionship, etc.



28 Jan 2013, 8:53 pm

my cock is chafing :x you should get into PUA, that's an obsession that even NT guys have and it works yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay :D



gordonsill7
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28 Jan 2013, 9:39 pm

What does PUA stand for?



28 Jan 2013, 9:58 pm

Pick Up Arts.



ruckus
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28 Jan 2013, 10:29 pm

UMBUTU wrote:
you should get into PUA, that's an obsession that even NT guys have and it works yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay :D

But does it really?

Image



28 Jan 2013, 10:55 pm

well it has for me. You can laugh at it you want I very much doubt you get anywhere near as much action as I do therefore your opinion is irrelevant



BlueMax
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28 Jan 2013, 11:11 pm

Action, perhaps.

Love? Definitely not.



gordonsill7
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29 Jan 2013, 7:44 am

wow... LOL