So a bit confused...

Post Reply New Topic

Story in brief:

Been with my Gf for 8 years. We have 3 year old baby girl.
I havent many friends at all, no one in real life, couple of people online.

Gf has many online friends, mostly males.

I chatted to a couple of girls recently (last 3 years) and due to not understanding boundries of friendship, had to "close" those friendships as they became inappropriate (online only, no dirty chat or webcam sex or anything).

Gf has recently left me, taking baby with her. Is now staying at her (single) mums house.

Last weekend still did not know why she wasnt coming home, so phoned many times and finally she snapped and told me that she didnt think i was a good partner, or dad.
A very aggressive email was then sent to me, which basically appeared to be a very jealous but angry gf moaning about lack of attention, about the possibility that i might cheat, and about my lack of parenting skills.

I only found out about my diagnosis last september, and thought i was doing an ok job of being a parent. No-one had given me any pointers as to how much more i could be doing btw.

Ive been loyal, and in my previous relationship, was loyal also, except at the end whereupon i told my previous partner i wanted to split, and thus met my current gf.

Basically it appears my gf is leaving me, "incase" i cheat on her, and because my parenting skills are not what she expected.
Im posting this now, because it appears my relationship is over, and she is not prepared (it seems) to even give me a second chance.

My question is, is that acceptable? It appears that my gf who comes from a broken home, is unable to accept that over time relationships change, and that you have to work through problems a) by mentioning them, and b) by arguing about things you dont like.
I am being blamed for many things that SHOULD have been mentioned at the time, and now im being left because i "might" cheat and because she is unhappy because i have made her a "stepford wife" - which isnt the case obviously - i bent over backwards giving her everything she wanted, and asked on soooo many occasions if she was happy - and was told yes!

I was told that shouting at my child to discipline her for being naughty / stopping her hurting herself on oven doors etc was disgusting - but the men in my gf's family DO NOT discipline the children at all!

Is she imature? Is she unable to accept an adult relationship? No-one in her family has had a relationship that lasted longer than 7 years - it appears for all accounts that she is in a no-mans land of confusion - she told me herself last week that she wasnt 100% sure she wanted to leave me - so what does one do?

Im in a pickle as to, should i make the decision to cut the tie, move on and try and live my life, or do i hold in there incase someone talks sense into her where she is now? Which is highly unlikely - given everyones "once the magic has gone move on" (17 relationships later - all men are d**ks attitude) of most of her family?

This is now considered normal, totally acceptable and quite common. It revolts me to the core.

Our screwed-up culture encourages what she's doing... the muther will get more child support money and be RID of another icky man. HER own mother is probably encouraging her to find a "better" man just like she does regularly!

She's less than 100% blissfully happy so she's got all the justification she needs to disappear. Unfortunately, she's also 20x more likely to get full custody of your child, too. No, that's not a made-up figure.

Advice?? Gad, I and millions of other men would like to know, too. The best I can offer is to try and get her back before she's gone for good, although she's probably been planning this for months - long before you suspected there was even a problem - so she's probably 99% detached already.


...I'm sorry... my deep distaste for this sort of selfish behaviour hits me right at home. I've got two sons legally kidnapped the exact same way - and the whole "Family Law" system is a complete farce.

I'm going to take five before I re-analyze.

I, for one, do not buy the 'all dem wimminz is out to get us!' thing. And for the record, all the split-up fathers I know have primary custody. It can happen.

I agree that she should have told you she had issues. People like that are very frustrating and it seems to be a very common NT trait (with both genders, might I add). It's happened a lot of times to me in relationships too. I would say to try to find someone better, but there's a child involved which makes it difficult.

As to your questions: No, this is not acceptable behaviour on her part. Yes, she is being immature. Please bear in mind that not all women are like this, only some.

If you choose to move on, maybe look for someone who doesn't have an obvious propensity for this type of thing (taking into account family history, etc).