Friend trying to wingman me

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Here's the situation.

There is a girl that i sort of like?
I think she's cute and nice and we share a fair deal of the same interests.
We've talked together for a good while.
1 week after the start of this month she also visited me and we slept in the same bed (spooning but nothing happened)
From all the facts/vibes i can only assume that she's at least a little bit attracted to me too.

Now the problem is i'm so f*****g bad at being social.
She's invited me to her place on Friday where her roommate will be gone for the weekend (obviously she wants to be alone with me?)
In a crowd of people it's easy enough to be social because the sole pressure is not on me and as a typical guy i share the things that go on in my life with one of my best friends, let's call him Dan.
Dan's already in a relationship for a bit over 2 years.
Compared to me he was much more social skills, he knows how to tell stories and he makes people laugh.
Pretty much the opposite of me. Yes i've been called a nice and good guy countless times but that amounts to nothing.

He meddles and talks to her about me.
The other day he also invited her into a skype call all of a f*****g sudden ( he knows her too).
It mainly consisted of him talking and telling stories about his friends and me and making her laugh while i just sit there in his shadow.
I could care less if it was a random person but since it's the girl i like it's just urgh. I feel like all he did was make fun of me infront of her. I know he really does only mean the best but damn dosn't feel like that. Even if the girl said it was very fun to listen to. Yes, exactly, HE*S the one who's fun. I'm just there and nothing.

I only have these ridicules confidence issues because of the girl. If she wasn't there i'd most likely just be busy reading stuff on the internet and say the occasional sure whatever bro if he asked me if he's right or something

So what's the situation here? That sounds like he's ribbing you in front of her. That can be good, or it can be bad, depending on how you react. It is good if you continue to talk to her as though nothing has changed (because nothing has changed between you and her) and it is bad if you try to "win her back" or something because you didn't lose her. She was laughing because she likes you.

And the reason he is fun is because he isn't serious. If you weren't serious with her, it would mean you don't care. Sure, it's possible to be too serious, but that's not my point.

i think there is too much to explain to even make a clear message = /

It's that my friend is trying to help me, but while he's trying to do so it feels like i'm just being left behind in his shadow.
I mean it was not a serious conversation, she and him were laughing. It's just that i couldn't join.
I'm not that social like him, i don't know how to smoothly make someone laugh and i ended up feeling like an idiot and now i'm just back to the usual crap about feeling inferior to most other people

Talk to him about it?

It's like that episode of Seinfeld where George was afraid the girl he liked would be more attracted to Jerry than to him because Jerry is very funny naturally, so George asked him to be very UNfunny for the night they all were together, but it only made the girl like Jerry more because he seemed deep and mysterious.

Tias, I wouldn't worry about it. there will always be guys out there who are funny and dominate any conversation they are in, but that doesn't mean they walk away with all the girls. If this girl liked you before, then she still likes you now.

You're losing points.

You should find ways to go out more with her without him being around.

Here's a song that's somewhat related, but doesn't directly apply to your situation. It's about someone who's a third wheel.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=groaPrY41Rk[/youtube]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vYbqLEwdXv8[/youtube]

Have your "wingman" try this.

Last edited by Kaufmancab51 on 30 Jan 2013, 11:06 am, edited 1 time in total.

It's not like he's around or anything.
I'm a cosplayer, pretty "nerdy" hobby so to speak and here in DK most cosplayers know each other.
The times i've hanged out with her he was not even close.

First time was for a gathering of cosplayers in a city in the northern part of the country.
I went there but we first met after most had left. She's the one who really wanted to see me.
We went to a common friends place to sleep and slept on the sofa together.

Next time she needed to get away from home to relax a bit so i said she could come over to my place if she wanted to and she did.
Slept in the same bed and after she left the night the day after i got a text saying she enjoyed her time here.

I also invited her to be my valentines date and she agreed + she invited me to her place on friday.

All of this, would point to that she is either very happy about physical contact, leading me on or likes me.
Sure okey. I then tell my friend that i've been talking with her, and he tries to wingman me but i just feel like it's NOT helping.
He's the kind of guy who'd grab the attention at a party because he's funny, charming, witty and very social.
Just pretty much the opposite of me and yes we're really good friends somehow.

I did talk with him today and what can he do he said? Not much. It's just the way he is and he's right.
It's just so damn stupid that i act like the biggest idiot. Normally i would REALLY not care about what he says to people or if he makes others laugh. I guess it's kind of he's trying to wingman me, but he's sort of stealing the spotlight.

If i hang out with normal friends i have nothing to worry about i'm casual and things are okey and i can be funny too. But when it's a girl i like i start to shut down i go blank and have no idea what to do, worry i don't talk enough and bore her and that's the kind of thing that's ridicules and my insecurities start to grow and i become a total wreck =A=

whoa! Go ask her to be your gf you silly!

Your wingman is nothing but a clown (no offense for him) for her.

You are the real deal.

You have real anxieties. Some people don't care at all and say "Eh, whatever. Keep doing the same thing and saying the same thing, she likes me, I'm perfect" Your anxieties are perfectly normal, in case you are wondering. Courtship isn't easy.

Once there was a guy I kind of liked, and who kind of liked me, in a class at University. About a month into the class, he brought a couple of friends with him and introduced them to me - sort of a vetting with friends, getting a second opinion kind of thing. The friends seemed nice, but unfortunately he started being really boastful in front of them, and putting them down in a not-quite-funny way. I got kind of mad at him. Ironically, I passed the friend-test because I ended up defending the friends to him - but I no longer liked the original guy as much. Putting other people down in order to make oneself feel/appear better is really unattractive, Imnsho.

Maybe this girl you like is the same way, maybe not - but all hope is not lost.

Cuddling? Sleeping over? These are all things boyfriends/girlfriends do. In some ways these activities are more intimate than just a casual sex relationship. If she isn't interested in you, she is leading you on like crazy.

Ask this girl out already! Seems to me your friend is pretty irrelevent to the situation. Is it possible you're focusing on him as the issue because you're afraid to face the one between you and this girl?

This. Step up to the damned plate.

Normally it might have done that.
But she's going to Japan for 1 year in about 6 or a bit less months.

And not enough with that yesterday she bailed out on me.
The ironic thing is i also thought the same day, just some hours earlier i could imagine she'll bail out on me, and voila. She did.
Most annoying thing is i was on skype with my friend ( the one trying to wingman me) and he rubbed it in that i got dumped.

I'd not care too much. But i know she's lead another guy on once, but her reasoning for that was because that guy was a jerk.
Now, who is to say i'm not being lead on too? She at least called me on my phone and appoligized she had to cancel our on me because she was going to look for some apartments for moving out ( which is true enough, but dunno how much that was just to bail out on me too)

If you need sex then let her "lead you on" and get what you want - oh wait, bad idea, do you think you might fall for her if you do that?