I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year now. I really love him. He was the first real friend I ever made in school, almost five years ago. He is my first boyfriend and my best friend. Now he is getting really stressed out about my issues and the problems it causes because I get overwhelmed and basically act like a toddler. He used to try to help but now he just waits until my fits are over, which is understandable. The thing is, and he hasn't been diagnosed, I believe he is Autistic as well. Either way, I get upset because he does not really pay very much attention to me when we are together and if I hug him, he might get annoyed. At school I really only see him during lunch and sometimes he will talk to me but if one of his friends talks to him, he'll switch to them, even if one of us is in the middle of a sentence. I used to hang out at his house a lot but then we decided to take a couple of weeks only hanging out at school. I figured he would want to hang out more at lunch if he couldn't see me out of school but he didn't. I got frustrated and then the other night when I was walking around town I stopped by his house just to use the bathroom but he got angry because he told me I could not go over because he did not want to hang out. Unfortunately, it was the only nearby place with a bathroom I could use. This started issues and it had seemed like things were going to be alright but now he is really angry at me and questions why he should give me another chance if I can not respect his space, even though I hadn't been over in a week and I just stopped by to use the bathroom. Now I need to wait another 2 weeks to see him when our school has vacation. I understand that I stress him out because I vent to him about different problems that I have a lot and sometimes I have health issues that he can not help with so he feels helpless. Now he says he can't deal with it and all of my drama and if I don't prove to him that I can change and basically stop being such a wreck, he is done with the relationship forever. A year ago I was suicidal as well, which I no longer am but he still feels responsible for trying to keep me alive, even though it isn't an issue. What is really confusing to me is that now he will never make the first move and I have to, but I don't know what will set him off. If I talk about my problems he gets upset because it stresses him out but if I don't he bugs me to until I tell him then he gets upset because I stress him out. He asks for space and if I don't give it to him, he says I am clingy and I do not respect his guidelines or try in the relationship. If I do he thinks I am ignoring him. He waited until he was about to snap to tell me what was stressing him out though, so now I have no time to try and change because the relationship is nearly in ruins. I asked him to talk to me about these kinds of things before and he said nothing was wrong. Now he says I can have another chance once I prove I have changed which I need to wait to do because he won't let me see him until vacation. He won't let me hug him, really, or even hold his hand. He says I am on probation. He also said at the moment I have half of a chance left and I am hanging on by a breath, not even the skin of my teeth. I am really worried because when we are getting along with each other things go great and I really love him. If I can change, my life would be easier, not just with him, but with everyone around me. I want to change for him, but also for myself, and for us. Also, If I change, my family life would be better and then I wouldn't have so much stress to talk to him about. I need to change. How can I change? What can I do? What are some good coping skills for when I am becoming overwhelmed? How can I make an emotional block, at least so the dumbest little things don't cause stress because I either don't fuss about it or I keep it to myself until it no longer bothers me because they are so small, there is no point in causing trouble over it? How can I deal without being able to see him for whatever reason, for an extended period of time? He is going to be in college and I will still be in high school and I want to give him a reason to stay with me. I know from this he kind of sounds like a jerk but he really isn't. He is really nice and he has tried so hard to help me and I have taken advantage of it. I think I blamed everything on my issues so I didn't try as hard as I should have been to change. I guess he has just reached his breaking point, so for the next few days I am going to just be giving him space but I don't know what to do next week at school. How should I confront him? It is hard because he is slightly unpredictable and I can never tell if he is still mad or if he is not. I'm really sorry for typing so much and basically throwing my problems at you guys here, but I really need some help. I really want to be with him and I don't know where else to ask for advice. The other forums I have visited for, say, a band, doesn't help very much. Although the people are nice and try very hard to help, they don't quite understand. By the way, I am eighteen and he is sixteen. To myself(and a friend who has Asperger's Syndrome), my boyfriend seems to have Asperger's Syndrome as well. I have been diagnosed with both Asperger's Syndrome and Pervasive Developmental Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified. We both have ADHD and I am bipolar and a lot of people that talk to him on a regular basis believe he is as well. I figured this little bit of background information may help people to understand the situation. Any help is really appreciated. Thank you for reading. Again, I am sorry for posting so much but I have been trying to get help with this for so long and I just couldn't find anywhere to get it. I guess now I just have a lot to say about this. Thank you, again.
07 Feb 2013, 1:25 am
