Meeting BF's Family

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I am meeting my bf's family in two weeks. I am worried about meeting his mother. She is the driving force of the family. She decides she wants something, and even if they cannot afford it or it is ridiculous her husband gives in (including moving cities leaving a half finished re-furbished house) just to keep her happy. She cares about appearances and what people think about her as indicated by her love of 'nice' things such as fancy over priced name brands (Coach, Gucci etc). She is by the admission of her children judgmental and can quickly decide she does not like a person for an odd arbitrary reason and then loudly stick with it, while needling any one who disagrees. She is very against autism (apparently because she does not get along with her autistic brother in law), and I am not sure if I will adequately be able to disguise my AS since she is exposed to AS and how it presents (thus my stimming, lack of correct eye contact, sensory problems, odd vocal pace and tone etc) mean something to her, and I will be less likely to use my ear plugs and weighted blanket around her which will not help with my visible symptoms (not to mention my literalism, logical thinking, face blindness, verbal processing problems). She likes several professional sports teams, knits, watches wedding reality TV, and is fascinated my European aristocracy and its history. I can match her religious views (except apparently her lack of putting them into practice) and political views. She also distrusts people she does not perceive as social (yet here I am, an introvert). I am trying to gain knowledge about the things she is interested in but I worry that they will come off too much as a list of facts or that it will show that I am not really interested in them.

I am not sure about what to do about this. I really want my bf's fam to like me, but I am not sure how to ensurer that occurrence.

That sucks. The only advice I could give you is to excuse yourself frequently to the restroom and take a minute or so to try to reset yourself. And to ignore the inevitable posts on here bashing your even trying. Keep a calming image in the back of your mind to retreat to when the stress starts bothering you. and it wouldn't hurt if you knew someone you could borrow one of those ridiculously overpriced purses from for the night.

I know wanting to blend in is silly, but I want this relationship to last and not have unnessary tension with his family, and that is aided by having the mom like me. I talked to the daughter and she does not think the mom will qiuickly cue on to AS habits as long as I smile and nod.

Appearing social is going to be difficult. In general I find that if people start off liking me it stays and does not later change. Making that initial first impression is difficult.

Sometimes it's hard to be around people so fundamentally opposite to you... all I can suggest is that if you HAVE an opposing view, to be as polite about it as possible (something we Aspies tend to forget!) and not dwell on it. Find whatever common ground you can and try to stay there...?


All I can really do is wish you the best of luck! [good vibes!]