New aspie boyfriend

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Hi

My boyfriend and I have been together for 1 week. We study the same course. However, I am a bit concerned for a number of reasons!

1. He rings and/or texts his ex whilst I am with him if she does it first.

2. He didn't get me anything for Valentines day... we barely saw each other for more than 60 minutes and that was only because we had a meeting together.

3. He would rather concentrate on his Uni work rather than spend time with me.

4. I asked him out, does that mean he isn't interested? We are both intelligent... is that the only reason he is attracted?

5. We haven't been on a proper 'date'


I believe that when he and his ex were together, he was VERY loving towards her and ALWAYS wanted to spend time with her. They broke up over a year ago but still talk... she dumped him though.


Should I be worried?

It's only been a week! How do you expect him to get you a gift for Valentine's Day? Maybe the day means nothing to him. You need to give it time to see how things progress with him.

Well, it's not uncommon for broken up couples to stay friends.

Honestly, if he were looking to get back with his Ex - I doubt he'd get together with you in the first place.

It's early, so I can understand the uncertainty. But things will probably work out. I can't say if you'll be together forever, as I have little to no information; but things should be alright for a fair amount of time.

One word of warning - know the Aspie qualities WELL. I've heard lots of stories where the NT part of an NT/AS relationship ended it because the Aspie's difficulty to express emotions led to the NT one not thinking they loved them.

Just do what you can to recognize his AS needs; and just try not to go too far.

If he says he loves you; he definitely does. Just try not to overdo it.

If you don't trust someone enough to trust them being friends with a member of the opposite sex, you need to try to focus on building trust.

It's only been a week and maybe he's just very close with his ex, you really need to avoid jumping to conclusions.

Here is my (one of many possible) Aspie perspective:

Meaning from this cannot be established without knowing the content of the texts. If he is simply still friends with her, don't worry so much.


He could just not derive any particular value from the heavily commercialized Valentine's Day. I know I don't.


Did he expressly say this? He might just be really busy with schoolwork. Work and life is always a balancing act. If you're concerned that he's leaning way too much toward work and not enough toward life, talk to him about it.


To both, not necessarily. Since Aspies don't typically give out nonverbal information, try not to read too much into the actions. If you really want to know, ask him.


You need to make sure you and he share the same definition of proper date. Perhaps he believes you both have been on a proper date. Again, it all comes down to communication.



I don't think so. I definitely understand how interpreting Aspie behavior is probably a nerveracking process (I know me interpreting neurotypical behavior is also nerveracking ), but try not to fit what you know about NT-NT relationships here. It's apples and oranges, unfortunately.

My advice is to open up transparent lines of communication with him. It's the only way you two can make sure you're both on the same page.