Girl I Haven't Met Driving Me Nuts!

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Hi forum,

I am not sure if this is a rant, an odd social catalog or just a plain old advice thread.

So the Scenario: I am in graduate school. There was a women in one of my previous classes, I was instantly attracted to her, she was on the other side of a very large lecture hall. Once, near the beginning of the semester I thought I might have caught her looking at me, but I am not sure. I had an incredible urge to walk through the dozens of people to go and talk to her, something I've never had the courage to even contemplate before. I tried to catch her eye in lecture (to smile and get the o.k. to approach, but it never came). I ended up skipping class after the first couple weeks because it was a waste of time. I came back for the last week or two of the semester, and a friend of mine seemed to be noticing looks coming from her directions, I didn't notice anything and the semester ended.

Not much I know. Now this semester she is in one of my classes but is much much closer but not immediately next to me. I have been trying to catch her eye but no success. I think she is also interested in me as out of the corner of my eye I have seen her playing with her hair. A female friend sitting next to me also seems to be noticing looks coming from her direction. She also "bumped" into me once but when I turned to say something her back was turned. The following day after she bumped into me she entered the lecture hall after me and from a distant entrance, I tried to make eye contact with her (without success, the usual). She than proceeded to walk in this elonged path to get behind me before sitting down.

Immediately a friend of hers said something to the effect of "your scared!". In reference to me I suspect. later I heard her mention that "I tried that last time, it didn't work". I would think that is in reference to the bump. Hair playing ensued. I also sensed her walking by me "confidently" after lecture, although I was stupidly busy typing an email.

I also recall a time, a year or two ago where we came face to face after I left a classroom. She seemed to be shocked to see me, as in "OMFG HE SO HOT." I said Hi, got a hi in return but moved on. At the time I just thought I scared her (me having a somewhat intimidating demeanor.)
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So, this scenario is killing me and I am committed to trying to talk to her next week. Avenues of potential conversation are 1.) an acquaintance near me she also knows (I could talk to him and hope she joins in), 2.) catching her after class (with me having no clue of how to actually pull that off).

I guess my questions are, am I nuts here or is something going on? and How do you recommend I go about talking to this woman pronto. It is starting to distract me from my school/career.

If it helps, I have been told I am extremely good looking and I have been told I missed opportunities with "tons of women" so this might fit in that mold.


thanks for your help forum

Okay, so if I take everything you said at face value, you're set and I think, no matter which approach you use, you'll find some success...I find it's pretty easy to tell when someone's repeatedly glancing at you and I agree that her friend's statement about her being scared is much more likely to be about feelings for you than her friend jokingly proclaiming that she's genuinely creeped out by you (not to mention her later comment). Also, if you hadn't put that this was graduate school, I would have thought you were referencing high school, haha. I guess I gave up on the whole classroom crush idea when I got into college.

Anyway, if you aren't someone who constantly and mistakenly thinks people are interested in you, then I'd highly suggest you follow through with your pursuit and make contact. As far as how do to it...I mean, you've said you have an intimidating demeanor which might rule against trying to chase her down after class so I'd think striking up a conversation in the classroom is your best bet. Since you're in a 'safe' environment, perhaps you should just press the attack, walk to her and strike up a conversation by saying hi and mentioning an assignment, the professor, etc. There's a lot of commonality between two people in the same graduate program, right? Best case scenario is she shows obvious signals of interest and your high risk maneuver is highly successful as you'll both now know you're interested in each other. Worst case scenario is she's still be polite but seemingly distracted or uninterested and you'll have to forego your feelings. Both of which are better than never making the attempt and if it results in reaction B, the ball will be in her court, so if nerves get the best of either of you and that's why you get that reaction, she'll have a pretty clear idea that you're interested and will know that she'd have to make the next move. Or, I could have no idea what I'm talking about . Basically, I hope you go through with it and if it works out, bump this topic so I can live vicariously through your success as I've wussied out FAR too many times.

Geez just don't post later when she ends up with someone else cause you were still deciding what to do. You got a response when you said hi two years ago so go for it.

"He who hesitates is lost."

....been there, done that. I think most of us have.

I would leave it a couple of years. I would be hasty to jump in so soon

My advice is honesty combined with what I refer to as "Plunge". Basically, you take a deep breath and then do something stupid/brave. My experience has been that taking a "plunge" generates good results more often than bad results.

I'd say start by asking her if you could talk to her for a moment after class. Maybe ask her when class ends and everybody is packing up. The point is that now both of you will be trying to reach a direct conversation. From there you can approach the question of mutual interest.

What I mean is that he's intimidated/scared. He's reluctant to initiate any sort of action. Which is exactly what he should do.

So? If he can't handle rejection maturely, I doubt he's ready to date. Either way, not being in a relationship isn't the end of the world. I've known people who had never had a relationship that were happier than others who were in relatively good/positive relationships.