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Meridian191
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16 Mar 2013, 9:11 pm

I hope someone has been in a similar situation before, because this confuses me.

I was at an historic oval (it's Adelaide Oval for fellow cricket fans) collecting a souvenir piece of turf before they rip up Don Bradman's favourite pitch and replace it with a silly drop-in pitch. (Witnessing or collecting historic things is one of my special interests). I was waiting for my mother to pick me up after I'd got my piece, and there was a somewhat pretty girl who looked a bit confused. I said, 'the back of the line is over there'. She said 'oh, no I'm just waiting for my dad, he's still in line'. We started a conversation (with plenty of eye contact) and she seemed quite keen on me. By a staggering coincidence, when I mentioned that I'd just finished high school it turns out we have two mutual friends, a guy and a girl, who left my school a couple of years ago.

We introduced ourselves, and when she called her dad she even referred to me as 'a new friend'. I was confused, I thought I'm supposed to have a social defecit disorder. I tried to play it cool when my mum pulled up in the car, mentioning 'oh, she's so embarrasing, don't be surprised', and we had a brief conversation and my mum and I left.

Now, is she interested in me or did I just send out some sort of magical 'hey, I'm friendly' vibe? Am I already stuck in the Friend Zone, from which I know there is no escape? I'm not a chauvinist, so I don't care if we are going to be platonic friends, but I'm not gay either so I'd like to know what I should do next? (I told her my full name so she could find me on Facebook, since I thought asking for her number might be a little creepy).



periphery
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16 Mar 2013, 9:22 pm

Meridian191 wrote:
I hope someone has been in a similar situation before, because this confuses me.

I was at an historic oval (it's Adelaide Oval for fellow cricket fans) collecting a souvenir piece of turf before they rip up Don Bradman's favourite pitch and replace it with a silly drop-in pitch. (Witnessing or collecting historic things is one of my special interests). I was waiting for my mother to pick me up after I'd got my piece, and there was a somewhat pretty girl who looked a bit confused. I said, 'the back of the line is over there'. She said 'oh, no I'm just waiting for my dad, he's still in line'. We started a conversation (with plenty of eye contact) and she seemed quite keen on me. By a staggering coincidence, when I mentioned that I'd just finished high school it turns out we have two mutual friends, a guy and a girl, who left my school a couple of years ago.

We introduced ourselves, and when she called her dad she even referred to me as 'a new friend'. I was confused, I thought I'm supposed to have a social defecit disorder. I tried to play it cool when my mum pulled up in the car, mentioning 'oh, she's so embarrasing, don't be surprised', and we had a brief conversation and my mum and I left.

Now, is she interested in me or did I just send out some sort of magical 'hey, I'm friendly' vibe? Am I already stuck in the Friend Zone, from which I know there is no escape? I'm not a chauvinist, so I don't care if we are going to be platonic friends, but I'm not gay either so I'd like to know what I should do next? (I told her my full name so she could find me on Facebook, since I thought asking for her number might be a little creepy).

First things first you have to wait to see if she adds you to facebook. IF she does chat with her some more and ask her to meet up with you again. Really impossible to tell whether she thinks you are only friend material at this stage or something more.

Congrats to you for having a successful social interaction though! And with a complete stranger even.
I know in the rare times its happened to me I've walked away feeling totally chuffed that I actually ''did it'" and came off as semi-normal for the duration of a conversation. It's a good feeling :)

Hope it all works out for you.



Keni
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16 Mar 2013, 11:38 pm

Well, a} sounds like she is interested in you
and b} I have to know - what do you do with bits of collected ovals? Store them in a jar / patchwork lawn with labels? I am honestly not being nasty, just intrigued as I have never heard of such a thing.



Meridian191
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17 Mar 2013, 3:30 am

Thank you for your support -- I was glad I handled it without making a complete fool of myself.



My dad suggested the turf would be a good biological souvenir to plant the turf in our garden, and since that species is self-germinating we will have a piece of our favourite sporting ground forever. I know it's a bit of a 'Ship of Theseus' sort of thing, but I would like to look at a patch of grass in years to come and think: 'that is descended from Adelaide Oval'. Lots of people showed up to collect a piece -- more than they expected. I guess it's a South Australian thing.



Last edited by Meridian191 on 17 Mar 2013, 3:59 am, edited 2 times in total.

ChrisP
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17 Mar 2013, 3:33 am

My OH in particular has always found that people talk to her very readily - at bus stops etc - especially people who are, in the kindest sense, 'slightly odd'. This, and other things, has left us wondering whether there can be a visible 'Aspie face/look', or whether we somehow send out 'Aspie vibes' that these others can pick up?



Meridian191
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17 Mar 2013, 3:44 am

I have noticed that neurodiverse peoples of all sorts (not just Aspies) do seem to collect. I think this is why there is always a 'nerd group' in schools -- I was part of that group for many years. I think these nerd cliques are linked by their non-neurotypicality more than anything else. The NTs (especially not the highly NT 'cool kids')* don't accept us, so we group together. It's actually sad to watch, particularly when it's happening to you.

* I'm pretty sure your 'coolness' or popularity in high school is almost directly proportional to how social your brain is. It's not that the cool kids are all good-looking (not all of them were at my school), or that they all played lots of sport (some played no sport). The common thread that linked them was their enjoyment of alcoholic parties and dislike for anyone who was different, quiet, homosexual, etc. etc. etc.



ripped
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17 Mar 2013, 4:13 am

You can always give your phone number.



spongy
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17 Mar 2013, 4:19 am

A lot of people this days abuse of the word friend.
Her telling her dad "hey i just met a random person " sounds worse than "hey i just made a friend" and most people dont want to make the other person feel badly so they use friend as a standard word this days.

I´ve made over 40 "friends " this year, I actively hang out with 1/4th of them or less because most of them are just people that happened to be at the same place at the same time and we talked once or so.
I still see them every now and then but I dont suggest a meeting (which does happen frequently with the other 1/4th).

Not trying to get your hopes down, just pointing out that friend isnt such a strong word this days.


You let her your contact info, wait until she contacts you.
If by any chance she cant remember your contact info she can approach your friends in common about it.

I think its nice that you are trying to make some use of that grass. Otherwise it´d just be thrown away or something.



Keni
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17 Mar 2013, 4:49 am

Having Adelaide oval in your backyard is extremely cool. (I am also from SA)
There an old song by Greg Champion called "I made a hundred in the back yard at mum's" which your story made me think of.



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17 Mar 2013, 5:18 am

That's one thing I love about the Gabba - after every AFL game all the fans are allowed to come on and play kick-to-kick, so I've been on my favourite footy ground so many times!

Oh...right. Just see how things go. Don't rush, because that's when things get messy. If you have a new friend, then enjoy it for what it is and if it evolves then woohoo!

:)


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uwmonkdm
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17 Mar 2013, 6:56 am

You had a 10 minute conversation with a girl and you're already wondering if she wants to have sex with you? Man, you're going to stay in that friend zone until you learn to cool your jets.



Meridian191
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17 Mar 2013, 7:30 am

Hmmm. As another WP member (whose name escapes me) said, the men here in Australia are very forward and it is expected. I'm just trying to do as the Romans do. My sister and numerous dating advice websites testify that the longer you interact with a woman in a platonic fashion, the less likely she is to see you in a romantic light, and once you cross the border, there is no escape from the Friend Zone. I know saying this makes me sound like some sort of pathetic pick-up artist, but it is a real social phenomenon.