wondering if I would ever meet anyone!

Post Reply New Topic

I am 26 years old, I am divorced, I was only married for 5 months but we were together 2 years and he was cheating on me the entire time and I found out.
So anyway, since then I even had a boyfriend for about 4 months and we were living together and that ended.

So, it just seems like I live in Canada, and in a small town.
Anyone who "likes" me is from the USA or UK... and my mum says things like that if anyone met me, they wouldn't like me, etc.

Well you got married and had 2 long term relationships, why wouldn't anyone like you?
Finding someone doesn't have any specific time frame, really. Could be overnight or years later.
You will likely meet someone but there's no telling when. All down to circumstance and how available you make yourself.

Wouldn't it be nice if parents were supportive instead of toxic? If people meant their marriage vows when making them? [sigh]

I and many of us here know exactly how you feel. It makes me sad to see how badly we humans treat each other... and how quickly promises are broken.

The only advice I can offer is to remove yourself from negativity like your mother's terrible words... work on yourself to the point where you're comfortable in your own skin and have a healthy level of self-confidence (not too low, not too high!)

Other than that, just virtual hugs from another person who's been in that same boat before.

Like JanuaryMan said, you have met people in the past so you can do it in the future! Just try your best to learn from your experiences in your previous relationships.

I think your mom was being mean to you when she said that, and you shouldn't listen to that. A lot of Neurotypicals (particularly females, in my experience) will say things that they don't mean because they are upset or something, but later they might not even remember it. My mom told me once that I should know not to believe her when she says stuff like that because she is just upset and lying.

Maybe you shouldn't live with someone if you've only been dating for four months and you haven't gotten used to each other yet...but I won't bug you about that. I say just go ahead and meet the people you like and see how it goes. Be confident and don't worry about what your mom says.

I also have noticed that people who are not looking for a relationship just to be "in a relationship" or worrying about meeting someone seem to find themselves in relationships more easily. I am not quite sure if this is just a correlation/causation problem, but I believe it is probably a little bit because people who are in relationships often are already confident and not worried about it and a little bit because the confident people "seem" better, and the people they do pursue feel like they, specifically are wanted.

Hey Kelly!

Remember the best way you can meet people is by putting yourself out there. Once you have found someone you like, be sure to take your time with them. Since we have Asperger's, there is a lot that a potential mate should know and needs to learn about us. How to deal with our lives and differences. And he should start to see things from your perspective, which strengthens the relationship.

Hopefully that doesn't stop you from going more towards his way of life, of course :) Meet in the middle, forever inseparable!

maybe get as far away from your mother's influence as possible, as she is causing you to think badly of yourself, which will encourage you to make bad partner choices. bad treatment from a parent can set a person up for a similar cycle of treatment from a partner. if you cannot establish firm boundaries where she is having less of an influence in your life, you may want to get counselling or physically move to another location.

small-town Canada sucks for dating. the pickin's are thin. depending how small your town is and how far it is from a major centre (i.e. Ft Langley vs Hay River), you might have some difficulty with meeting someone. but you can try long-distance romance or online dating, for example.

yeah, you will found someone. as long as you try

I worry about the same thing. I'm 21 and I've only had one guy so much as look my way, and he lost interest after one date :/ and that's it. So I'm definitely in the same boat in terms of wondering if I'll ever find anyone. Take it as a good sign that you've had a couple of relationships, and the first one at least clearly ended due to douchbaggery on the part of the guy (you didn't specify for the second), so that's nothing to do with you.

Well, the guy I mentioned liking me and from USA, we met on a Facebook Asperger's group probably 5 years ago and added each other on Facebook. We didn't talk much though... very, very rarely. Anyway, lately we are messaging all the time, going on Skype, talking on the phone. We have so much in common, it's unreal, he's like a male version of myself. Everyday we are finding something new in common. It's totally amazing and really comfortable. The best part? He is coming the beginning of March here to meet me!

thats a good thing. Im kinda jealous of him now.

Hope it works out for both of you

I've gotten that too, from my own mom. I think the problem there is they assume that an aspie's ability to embarrass the eff out of those around them (or so they say) will drive away everyone.

the only 2 relationships I had, were both from other towns.

This is going to be different countries if it works.