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SanctusEspiritus
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16 Feb 2013, 11:02 am

Over a month ago, I told an autistic guy at my university I liked him and he said he doesn't like me back and likes another girl. I was almost confident he liked me back because he would act like he did when I'd talk to him in person. I still texted him after being rejected just to show I am still a friend and a nice person. He'd sometimes write back. Since the new semester started I've been avoiding him. Last semester I used to coincidentally pop up into places I knew he'd be at and now I don't do that. Now he keeps showing up to places where I am. The weird part is he just walks past me without saying "hi" or doesn't make eye contact at all with me and pretends to be texting. I ignore him back and continue to talk to my friends. He has my number and he can text me whenever he wants. Should I continue to ignore him? And anyone have any idea why he's suddenly following me?



MountainLaurel
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16 Feb 2013, 12:41 pm

Quote:
And anyone have any idea why he's suddenly following me?

He might be lurking. An aspie high school relative of mine lurks at the edges of school social gatherings because he has enough interest in the the gatherings to attend, but for now, lurking is the best he's got as far as interacting goes.

Or this guy you refer to may be doing any number of things for an infinite number of reasons (not all of which are nice).

Because he is not making direct contact with you, all you've got as far as relationship goes is a guy lurking around. Ask yourself; Is this relationship satisfactory for me?

My advise is not so much to ignore him, but to ignore your own projections of why he may be doing anything unless he starts interacting with you in a more satisfactory manner, assuming having a lurker is unsatisfactory.



SanctusEspiritus
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16 Feb 2013, 1:18 pm

MountainLaurel wrote:
He might be lurking. An aspie high school relative of mine lurks at the edges of school social gatherings because he has enough interest in the the gatherings to attend, but for now, lurking is the best he's got as far as interacting goes.

Or this guy you refer to may be doing any number of things for an infinite number of reasons (not all of which are nice).

Because he is not making direct contact with you, all you've got as far as relationship goes is a guy lurking around. Ask yourself; Is this relationship satisfactory for me?

My advise is not so much to ignore him, but to ignore your own projections of why he may be doing anything unless he starts interacting with you in a more satisfactory manner, assuming having a lurker is unsatisfactory.


I am starting to know that I don't want to be romantically involved with someone like him. He's way too complicated and I get a bad feeling from him. I like someone else now :D

I forgot to also add that he parks closest to where my morning class is. We both have a morning class that starts and finishes at the same time but his class is all the way across campus. And yes, he knows I have a class and where it is because I told him when I last texted him which was two weeks ago. As mean as this is, I only asked what his schedule is like so I can avoid him. Maybe he figured what my true intentions were because he noticed I wasn't really coincidentally appearing where he is? I have no clue how he found out I have an afternoon class. He told me he leaves right after his morning class. I now always see him when I'm about to enter my morning and afternoon class.



paris75007
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16 Feb 2013, 2:55 pm

I don't know...I wouldn't just ignore him, because Aspies don't always get the message when someone's not interested unless it is made very clear. If you have a mutual friend or someone not an authority figure at the school who can inform him gently that this behavior is not appropriate without taking formal actions against him right away, that might work. He probably has no idea he's acting creepy. And if you read the work and other forums on here, it's full of guys who were persecuted (fired, et.c.) for doing something that an NT found vaguely creepy and reported and they still have no idea what they did wrong. So make sure he knows (but not from you directly) what he should be doing to NOT be creepy before you go reporting him to authorities. Once you have tried informal measures, and the behavior continues, then I would report him to somebody.

He probably realized whoever he likes isn't going to reciprocate, and is trying to get you to initiate a relationship (since he knows you liked him at one point) without coming up and asking. You may have to let him know through an intermediary that you want no further contact.



bucephalus
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16 Feb 2013, 3:19 pm

eww


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"grrrrr"


Sherman247
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16 Feb 2013, 4:02 pm

SanctusEspiritus wrote:
Over a month ago, I told an autistic guy at my university I liked him and he said he doesn't like me back and likes another girl. I was almost confident he liked me back because he would act like he did when I'd talk to him in person. I still texted him after being rejected just to show I am still a friend and a nice person. He'd sometimes write back. Since the new semester started I've been avoiding him. Last semester I used to coincidentally pop up into places I knew he'd be at and now I don't do that. Now he keeps showing up to places where I am. The weird part is he just walks past me without saying "hi" or doesn't make eye contact at all with me and pretends to be texting. I ignore him back and continue to talk to my friends. He has my number and he can text me whenever he wants. Should I continue to ignore him? And anyone have any idea why he's suddenly following me?


Obsession. Thats to much for any girl unless theres a solid relationship before Im talking Really solid. Which it appears he doesn't want that from you. Perhaps he thinks he blew his chance. Personally, I would not worry about it on your end if he came to his senses then he would be the one initiating the conversation. It is Great to hear that your into someone else now. Don't get hung up :)



SanctusEspiritus
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16 Feb 2013, 4:13 pm

@ paris75007 Him appearing in the same places as I isn't making me uncomfortable it's just making me wonder. I've kind of caught on to his pattern and now come to class either early or right on dot to avoid him.

@ Sherman247 :D Thanks! I'm not giving him a second chance. And him acting the way he is isn't making his chances any better. . .

I don't know what to say to him if he decides to talk to me. I'm not sure if he ever will talk to me again because he hasn't done anything like text me. Maybe he's too afraid? I don't know.



Last edited by SanctusEspiritus on 16 Feb 2013, 4:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sherman247
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16 Feb 2013, 4:15 pm

SanctusEspiritus wrote:
Him appearing in the same places as I isn't making me uncomfortable it's just making me wonder. I just ignore him.

Yeah I'm not giving him a second chance. And him acting the way he is isn't making his chances any better.


Indeed I hear you. He lost his oppurtunity. Hopefully he will catch a hint.



Browncoat
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16 Feb 2013, 6:07 pm

I find it interesting that most of these posts seem to follow an assumption that the aspsie is acting out of interest in a relationship.
One of my female friends told me that when we first met she was flirting with me; I had no idea. She also told me that she thought my actions alternated between indifference and a reciprocal interest; I confused her to no end and I still had no idea. Maybe something similar is happening here.
Or maybe he's not sure how to react to you and is looking for some direction. You said you were willing to be friends. From what I've seen, even NT guys find it challenging to develop friendship with women. Or maybe he thinks you're still interested in him; if he didn't see the interest coming, he probably wouldn't notice it leave.
Or he might not be paying to you at all. If there is one thing I've learned it's that people tend to think about us when we don't think they do and vice-versa. Similar to Murphy's Law.
Any way, I'd suggest direct conversation with him about this as a first move. But instead of saying that you find his behavior weird or creepy, I'd suggest you go with 'confusing'.



Sherman247
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16 Feb 2013, 6:10 pm

Browncoat wrote:
I find it interesting that most of these posts seem to follow an assumption that the aspsie is acting out of interest in a relationship.
One of my female friends told me that when we first met she was flirting with me; I had no idea. She also told me that she thought my actions alternated between indifference and a reciprocal interest; I confused her to no end and I still had no idea. Maybe something similar is happening here.
Or maybe he's not sure how to react to you and is looking for some direction. You said you were willing to be friends. From what I've seen, even NT guys find it challenging to develop friendship with women. Or maybe he thinks you're still interested in him; if he didn't see the interest coming, he probably wouldn't notice it leave.
Or he might not be paying to you at all. If there is one thing I've learned it's that people tend to think about us when we don't think they do and vice-versa. Similar to Murphy's Law.
Any way, I'd suggest direct conversation with him about this as a first move. But instead of saying that you find his behavior weird or creepy, I'd suggest you go with 'confusing'.


but why potentially get let down again?



Browncoat
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16 Feb 2013, 6:22 pm

I don't understand what you're saying.

If you mean the guy getting let down:
We don't know if he is interested.
If you mean her:
She said that she isn't interested in him anymore.

Either way, your comment doesn't make sense



1000Knives
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16 Feb 2013, 6:28 pm

He probably figures he's still got a chance, and he was probably too flustered/didn't know what to do when you first asked him. So basically, you should tell him straight out what the deal is, that you are seeing someone else and that you no longer like him.



Sherman247
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17 Feb 2013, 12:48 am

Browncoat wrote:
I don't understand what you're saying.

If you mean the guy getting let down:
We don't know if he is interested.
If you mean her:
She said that she isn't interested in him anymore.

Either way, your comment doesn't make sense


It does just its difficult to comprehend at times. But personally I would just leave it all alone. Heart break sucks on either side



SanctusEspiritus
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17 Feb 2013, 7:28 am

Thanks everyone! :D I'm socially awkward myself so this is a little difficult. I do wonder to myself if that other girl he likes even exists. . .