Issues giving/receiving compliments; How to compliment men?

Post Reply New Topic

The first part of this post applies to all relationships in my life but I feel that it plays an important role in dating, so it's going here.

I've always felt that actions speak louder than words, and in general this has been my approach toward relationships with family, friends, and significant others. I feel that my appreciation of someone comes across as more sincere when I do things for people rather than just say something. However I worry because there must be people that appreciate verbal praise over acts. Saying compliments to someone feels unnatural/insincere to me, despite the fact that when I say a compliment I always mean it. I think this may be because although there may be a lot that I like about a person, it's not easy for me to pinpoint and say these things in words (quickly), so I resort to a generic sort of compliment.

Does anyone have advice on feeling more natural while giving compliments?
What are some ways that I can make compliments more personal?

Because of the insincerity I feel while giving compliments, and the societal trend of over-complimenting/giving insincere compliments, I have a hard time accepting/believing them. I am currently dating a man who also has AS, and he compliments me more often than I compliment him. I have recently come out of a depression related to PTSD, and I have low self-confidence in some areas; although I don't doubt the sincerity of his compliments, it's still hard to believe something that I feel is not true about myself. As a result I usually just say 'thank you' or even 'really?' (I need to stop saying that!) in response to his compliments. There is a lot that I like about this guy and other aspects of this relationship are going very well but I would like to be able to express my affection verbally more often to create balance in this area.

How can I feel more accepting of compliments and believe them?
How can I accept them more graciously, and what are some good/original things to say in response?
What are good compliments to say to a man? What do most men like to hear?

(I want advice on the last 2 more than the other questions! I've always thought that 'handsome' is such a weird sounding word.. my those are some hands!.. 'good-lookin' sounds kind of cheesy in most contexts. Do most men prefer compliments on abilities/skills or looks?)

I don't know how much help I'll be since I have problems with this myself, but I'll try...

I haven't found a way to make giving compliments feel completely natural, but I find it helpful to try to just tell people when I notice something about them that I like (something they do or say, usually... or if I happen to notice something different about their appearance that I like). Basically, just try to remember to say something when you notice something positive instead of worrying about when you should compliment them and trying to think of something out of nowhere. If you do that, your compliments will be more personal too, since they're always about something that stands out about the person rather than being generic. It's still hard to remember to do it, but it does make it easier and feels at least a little more natural.


You just have to get to know the person well enough to get a better idea of when they're sincere and when they're not... I don't think there's an easy way to tell for sure. Whether you believe the compliment itself or not, you can at least believe that they're trying to make you feel good and accept that.


No idea. I usually just say "thank you" and try to smile. I may also try to come up with a compliment for them, but that feels awkward


I would just tell him when you notice something you like about him (or something he does/says). I don't think there's anything specific to compliment men on, though many men don't like hearing anything that implies they're feminine or weak.